Here are a few interesting things to take a look at, as you pretend to be busy and motivated on a Monday afternoon.
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom . No- I didn't, actually. It is a line from a rap song. ;) Anyhow- some people got bust in a Taco Bell bathroom, and two little girls walked in on it. Apparently there were two women "servicing" two men, and "making funny noises." Okay, I would be irritated at my 5 and 11 year old daughter's walking in on that. BUT if it upset me enough to cry about it on a tv interview, I would have thought twice before REPEATING THE WHOLE STORY with the 5 year old SITTING ON MY LAP.
Unicorns exist. So, this old lady had a horn growing out of her head for 20 years before she got it surgically removed. At that point, why wouldn't you just join the circus? At least you could make some money while people laugh at you. How did her family let her keep that thing that long?!?!
Right.... evolution is bullshit... Look at this crazy hairless monkey, and tell me it doesn't look like my grandpa. I won't attach a picture of my grandpa (that would be insensitive), but you get the drift.
Speaking of old people, I could take on 32 in a fight. I have previously taken the quiz about taking on 5 year-olds. Taking on 90 year-olds sounds much more appealing.
Bet this guy will never eat wings again. Seems to me this guy was lucky he wasn't deep fried and battered in hot sauce. Perv.
Now get back to work.
I really need to be better about posting over the weekend, so that I can avoid one big one on Sunday night. But that would mean that I would have to slow down L-I-V-I-N.
In case you were wondering, 17 Again is wonderfully amazing. It is also the best old person turning young and learning a life lesson movie ever. Especially because it takes the hotness of Zac Efron, and the humor of Matthew Perry and creates my dream man. Sigh. Yes, I am 26. Get off it. :P
Added bonus: this kid at the movie theater totally looked like him. Having no shame, I totally snapped a picture:
On Saturday- I was opened to a whole new world- Guitar Hero. I know, most people have been exposed to this much earlier. I have no excuse. But- I want to let you know, that I am the best Bass player in the world . I play in the band Jock Strap and the Elastic Waistband... but since that doens't fit well on posters, we go by Jock Strap.
Watched Quarantine today. Totally creepy. Basically- this film crew is following some firemen and they end up at a random call in an apartment building. After finding a freaky old lady gone bonkers, all of the residents, the camera crew, the cops and firmen get locked into the building. Some crazy version of rabies is being spread. I watched Family Guy to try to make things better, but then had to go home to a dark and empty house... with a cat that may or may not have had rabies.
Just a little taste of the weekend. Gonna watch Tough Love before bed. When I wake up, it's Monday. Joy.
This afternoon, I have been working on some of those boring tasks that you put at the bottom of the to-do list. Always a great way to spend a Friday afternoon. Keeps me out of trouble at least.
While working on these mundane tasks, I need to listen to music to keep me going. There is an album that I haven't listened to in pretty much forever: Plain White Tee's, Every Second Counts. The funny thing about it is that I cannot listen to this album without thinking about what was going on in my life at the time , and how different things are now- how much I learned about myself, etc. And that was just two years ago.
I have that kind of connection to music. I can't hear Johnny Mathis without smiling, imagining my Grandma singing incredibly off key but with all her heart. Can't hear "Drops of Jupiter" without thinking of sorority recruitment in college , and how much I loved all those girls. I hear "Don't Worry Be Happy," and think of the 1st grade field trip to the petroglyphs - my mom was a chaperon and drove us in the new van.
Sometimes I wonder what other people think of when they hear certain songs. Feel free to comment with any of your personal faves.
So- I have already accomplished a LOT. Worked, made awesome fajitas, watched a kinda weird Robert De Niro movie, and bribed the boyf with a hot brownie and ice cream so I can watch Idol.
These intros are SO dramatic. And they just get crazier every week. Randy is really obsessed with sweaters this season. Kara's hair is wild. Joey says "I'd Bang Paula tonight." That means her boobs are out. Simon is devilishly handsome. These Ford commercials are so re-dick.
So, now that the blind guy is out we can have more complicated dance routines... so now we have "Maniac"... and the cute Kris starts us off. Anoop almost fell off the stairs, and I love it. What the hell kind of jacket is Anoop wearing?!?! It reminds me of my 8th grade white "Rocking Rhythmics Dancing Drill Team" jacket. If I had a picture- I would link it. Because it was awesome, and I wore the SHIT out of it.
I really hate this section when they have all the idols on a bench- and then they chit chat about random crap. They went to the movie premiere of 17 again though.. SO I get to see Zach Effron. And he will be talking like Matthew Perry- so it will be great. AND ZACH IS THERE. And I am a fan girl.
Here we go. Allison- safe. Adam- looks uncomfortable. And is safe. Anoop- bottom three. And Ryan walks him across! Where was he last week to help out Scott?!
I don't get the big deal with Jennifer Hudson. And just got in a huge debate about it with the roomie and the boyf. Didn't know they had such strong feelings. Geez. She needs an interview class.
Anoop on a stool. Kris- Lil stand up. OMG- Simon interrupted and called Kris brilliant. I want to hang out with both of them. I love Ryan's loaded question to Lil. She is so dumb. And in the bottom.
Matt and the waste of space. Blah Blah. Danny is safe. America: you are schmucks.
Paula says that there were flaws in their performances and that is why they are up there. Really? WOW. Deep, Paula. She is high. Ugh. Anoop is safe. Boo.
It's MILEY! She is taking this seriously. Hair in an updo- evening gown- fog machine... nasal singing. I think she is scared of Simon. She should be. He isn't as nice as the guys from Radiohead .
This episode really sucks.
I think these Vitamin Water commercials about animals working in an office are wonderful. I wish I could work with a bear. The boyf and I discuss the radness of that, at length.
The boyf just goes.... "Wait. Her name is LIL?" with disgust. I just laugh. She is safe.
Now Justin Timberlake guy sings for his life. I almost forgot... I was like- wait, it is 8:54, how are we done? He does it way better tonight. The audience is chanting "Save Save Save Save!" I am feeling a Donna Martin graduates aura.
So, Simon is such an ass. He says that Matt can't win this competition, balh blah. Matt looks punched in the stomach. Kara starts babbling. Simon says he is saved. Thank God. Not because I want Matt around, per se. I really just wanted this thing to be off the table. Next week- two are axed. AND it is disco. Rad.
Holy fucking shit. Quinten Tarantino is on tonight. The theme this week is songs from a movie. Let's hope someone does My Heart Will Go On. My bet is on that one chick that always sings stuff from the 90's.
Judge intros- Randy looks stupid. Kara's hair is bad. Paula is wearing an evening gown, Simon blames the girls for running over last week. Totally true.
So, in case you didn't know who Quentin Tarantino was, here is a montage. I hope that the edgy kid redoes Stuck in the Middle With You, complete with one bloody ear. Wait, that's right. He did this in Season three, a.k.a. the year I didn't really watch. He is a fan.
Allison- "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing." It kills me that this is Aerosmith's only number one single , because this song is stupid. What is that outfit? Are those stirrup pants? She is lucky she has a killer voice, because her outfits are terrible. Apparently they are being serious, and only letting two judges talk. Really doesn't matter, since Randy just says whatever Simon does, unless he goes first- and then he just uses "dawg" a lot, and talks about his level of "feeling it."
Anoop, the prick- is singing "Everything I Do, I Do It For You." Quentin is not impressed, and tells him not pump it up a notch, and not deliver a lame karaoke performance. Apparently he choses not to listen to Tarantino- yeah, that is always a good move. NOT. So, in fifth grade, we had to do this lame teacher thank you assembly for our team teachers and we had to sing this song. I never really got it. Because yeah, we did stuff for our teachers- but because we had no choice. Or maybe they did everything for us- I don't know- the mom that picked it was really inspired. We just wanted to pass fifth grade and get to middle school. Randy and Kara like it, but they are dumb.
Adam- He is doing Born to Be Wild- and apparently only gave Quentin a sneak peek. It is kind of a Billy Idolesque turn..... Not really taking liberties with the melody. Maybe he is bored. Well, he rocked the chorus a little... This is really just a rock song that the little girls will like. That is who dials anyway, and the grown-ups that watch this for legitimate purposes need to remember that. Yeah, you don't get Adam. But your niece does. And she is a text machine. And if you are an adult watching this show with a legitimate interest in artistry, you are lame. There- I said it. Paula needs to change her panties- Simon calls it a little Rocky Horror - and Adam loves Rocky Horror ! Find that hard to believe. Ha. Also-in case you don't click through on the links- I insert funny, yet relevant pictures. So click.
Justin Timberlake guy is on Stool Time with Ryan. I don't know what he is saying because I am too busy telling the roomie about a horrible dream I had last night- So Quentin tells him to enunciate. Thank God. This man is a genius. Do we really have another Brian Adams song? Granted, "When You Love a Woman" is leaps and bounds better- oh God this is pitchy. Ugh. Well, at least Bryan Adams can make a little money in royalties and get some more microdermabrasion .
I have a date planned with my littlest sister to go see "17 Again." I hope she doesn't ditch me for her friends, because I really don't want to use one of my 'girl movie vouchers' that the boyf gave me for Christmas on that.
Danny Gokey- "Stool Time With Ryan" tells us that Gokey bought a guitar. He is such a poser. HAHAHA. "Endless LOVE." Did you know that he has a dead wife that is his endless love?!?! Fucking shit you stupid tool. I hate you .
I am in love with Kris. Officially. I don't know that song, because someone was talking... but it was great. Randy is worthless.
Lil is singing "The Rose." A big ballad from a power singer popular 15 years ago. Surprise! My father taught me a valuable lesson many years ago. "Marissa, there are people that get it, and people that don't. If they don't get it, they never will- and nothing you can do can force them to get it. " Very valuable lesson to learn. I am glad I found out early. It is helpful in choosing work and friend partners,etc. Helps with my frustration levels. Lil doesn't get it. She is so dated. It cracks me up that Paula is getting semi- legitimate criticism and talking about chords, and blah blah. Thank you Simon for calling her out again... And she gets defensive and says she put an R & B feel to it. Which is not true. AND fucking Paula quoting Dr.Suess . I want to stab her. Paula- we are running over- you had your chance- STFU.
I am irritated this week- and I hope tomorrow we can finally use that stupid judges save billshit, so we can stop hearing about it.
So, there are times when it is really enjoyable to be a single (tax definition- unmarried) lady in her mid twenties. Last night was one of those times. After a great off-site meeting, I stopped by Albertson's. Not my normal shopping place, but it was on the way home. Got some great deals, including a new bottle of wine to try. It had the name Three Blind Moose , and was on major sale- so why the hell not? After rearranging my grocery bags in the parking lot (apparently Marcus has never actually bought his own groceries, and did not realize that throwing a few boxes on top of a package of chicken could lead to a disastrous situation) I got home and was suddenly motivated to clean out the fridge and cupboards. Then, since roomie was at her gym/dinner date with her mom- I made tuna. One of my favorites, but makes the roomie sick. I watched HIMYM , since I have given up on Dancing With the Stars . And then popped open my bottle of wine and started a new book . It was great. No babies asking for crap. No husbands trying to watch something lame on ESPN Classic (I love sports but I cannot understand that station). Just me, some vino and a book. Rad.
One of my favorite shows in the history of the world is My So-Called Life. If you never saw it, consider your life less fulfilled. Okay, maybe that is extreme. I just don't think there has ever been a show that has better expressed what it is really like to be a teenage girl. Even as an adult, I pull out my dvd set every once in awhile and find relevance. It was an edgy family drama before the world was ready for family dramas. And, it had Jordan Catalano, the troubled, brooding, handsome and mysterious dreamboat played by Jared Leto, pre-eyeliner . Sigh.... any how- I am reminded of it today, as I thought about one of the best lines ever on that show: "there's just something about Sundays that make you want to kill yourself." Angela, the lead character, was putting off studying for geometry because she was all smitten with Jordan Catalano. When she said that, and I feel her pain.
Sundays are never long enough... and at the end of the day, there is just this impending doom, with the next week beginning in just a few hours. What made me extra pouty this Sunday is that the boyf had to leave to go home to prepare for a big day at work tomorrow. He doesn't do mornings well, and he has to be in early for this big client. I get it, because I don't really want to force him out of bed at 5 am tomorrow to get back home, but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. :( This is when I give a cheers to those who can do the long-distance, because 25 miles is sometimes tough. Boo.
But, on the plus side, I had some good ham and spent some quality time with the family. If you haven't ever played it, I highly suggest you pick up the game Apples to Apples . I have had a good time no matter who I have played it with. AND- even though he hates that I win all the time, the boyf almost always picks my card out of the pile. It is because we are psychically connected- he just can't help it. I, on the other hand get really competitive- and I purposely don't pick what I know is his card if he is beating me. I take games seriously. :D
Well, off I go to read one of three books... not sure yet. BTW- I typed this whole blog while sitting on the toilet. Sorry, had to make up for some of the girliness earlier.
At the stage I am at right now in life, friends are getting married, having babies, being grown ups. But, I wonder if any one of them has the life partner that I do. He cheers me up when I am bored, remembers little things that I like, and can always guess what I am thinking/needing. He even sends me emails once a week proving his love for me. Who is he, you ask? Well... he is Stumble Upon . I know I have told you about him before, but today- he really warmed my heart.
Here are some of the links he sent me that he thought I would like:
Pretzels AND Peanut Butter AND Chocolate
Babies are manic depressive
So, I am not married, back off!
Coffee!
Booze on sale!
Oh yeah, well I invented superman.
Seriously?!! I mean, what a KEEPER!
Granted, my super cool boyfriend was the one that taught me the ways of Stumble Upon, and frequently sends me similar links through G-chat... so... I guess I can keep him around too. ;)
So, I watch the show Lie to Me on Fox. I think it is a great way to pick up a few pointers in case someone tries to lie to me. The reason I bring this up is because, with ten minutes to go in the show, we got to see Seacrest in the control room, being counted in for his promo spot. Apparently this is their way of saying, "Hey, we effed up. We ran 8 minutes over and half of America missed the guy that is gonna win. Our bad, we will try to stay on top of it." Let's hope.
What is up with those gloves, Paula? I just remembered why I hate this recap show.... wait a minute. I was just about to bitch about some "Simon is old" montage, and then Frankie Avalon comes on stage. Paula and Kara are creaming their panties, as the contestants are surely saying "who is this old dude?" Wow. He is shorter than Ryan Seacrest.
Here we go with the group sing, in they year Idol was born (lame). Poor Scott. I think in big numbers like this, they need to give him the thing my mom latched on me in the mall when I was a toddler. It was two velcro wristbands connected by a bouncy cord. I feel like an asshole, but seriously. How is this going to work on tour, when they are on a different stage with a different layout every night? So, they are doing the group sing live tonight, prolly after a bunch of shit from the viewers, and I would like to say- bring it back. Please.
Now comes the part where they pretned like the Ford commercial is not a commercial, and part of the show. They take us behind the scenes. And Scott is hilarious. Not only does he joke with the stylist about not wanting anything pink (rewind to when Simon making fun of his pink pants ), and then he is killing time with a Simon impression. Rad. This guy is funny. If he had shown more of that, he would have had more of my heart. But he can't lipsynch worth a mother.
Apparently the mayor of the dumb town that the Justin Timberlake guy is from is in the crowd.
Let's get to the drama. Adam, Kris and Anoop, please stand. Let's give Adam some props, since we ran over last night... blah blah. Do Paula's earrings have the converse logo? Adam is safe. Duh. It is between Kris and ANoop for bottom three. It's Anoop, thank God. I finally pin pointed what he reminds me of. HE reminds me of that asshole in every political science lecture class I had in college that has to raise his hand and say something obvious so that he could let everyone know he was really smart. And then he ended up in your discussion class, and was even prickier, and your T.A. saw through it, and would roll his eyes, telling someone else to answer the question. And THEN some girl in your sorority would end up bringin him to your date party, and he would try to say hi, and pretend like he wasn't a total douche, when you knew better. Yeah, that's Anoop.
Okay. I hate FLO Rida. One reason is because of that stupid name. I can't remember what piece of shit song he was last famous for, but I asked my boyfriend who sang it via text message. He had to send two messages to clarify that while his name looked like a state, it was, in fact, a really fun play on words. My boyfriend is much more in tune with what the cool kids listen to. He did syndicated radio, so yeah. Another reason I don't like FLO Rida: he sucks. And this song is annoying, and I think it is about oral sex. I thought this was a family show. I had to lower the volume, because it was hurting my head. Things don't bode well for me though, because Kelly Pickler is up next.
I am feeling more on my game tonight. I guess that is what sleeping all day and some anti-biotics will do to you. ;)
Ugh, Danny Gokey. He is safe. Justin Timberlake guy is safe. Scott.... is not. Bottom three. and Ryan does a terrible job of man handling him across the stage. Terrible. They should practice that.
Allison.... Lil.... Allison is safe. Lil is bottom three, with reason. She should be a back up singer. She has no personalilty or stage presence. There, I said it.
I am not at all surprised by the bottom three. Now we talk about the "save." Apparently there is "one in particular" that they would contemplate saving. I don't think it is Scott. I am gonna say it is the one they have given about 28 minutes of criticism to over the passed few weeks. I am gonna say this.... you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it sing a modern song and make it their own.
Kelli Pickler sucks. And that song was terrible.
Now we send one person to saftey...Lil is safe. Duh. Her grandpa spazzes out in the audience.
Okay, now one will have to sing for his life.... 30,000 votes sepertate...Scott is bottom. He looks like such a lost puppy, I feel bad for him. His sister looks so sad. He is singing it out, and the judges are openly talking, realizing he isn;t watching them. Paula is gonna cry. Sad. His mom is crying. This is gonna be rough.
Two people think he should stay... let me guess who. Omg... this is so painful..... he is practically begging, .... and simon pulls the band-aid. Of course that Danny Gokey piece of shit is the first to hug him. Just trying to get that extra camera time.
Paula gets the last word.... sugary sweet. Well- at least he will get a hug from Kelli Pickler. He can totally grope her and not get in trouble. THAT is the card I would play.
Rad part about living in the same state as the voted off contestant? Immediate interview... here it comes... no. wait. another 20 minutes. boo. sorry scott, people are waiting to read this. gtg. ;)
I totally meant to blog another time before another idol post. But with book club, and a friends wedding and two friends in town, and the secret surprise today of a SINUS INFECTION, it just didn't happen. So, realize that I am more than just a loser that posts about idol.
Is it just my meds, or are the lights a little too much? We got rid of the lame judges intro in lieu of showing baby photos in honor of "songs from the year you were born" night. This night always sucks, because the judges expect the contestants to update a song that is at least 16 years old. And most just do a "lame karaoke version" and fail.
Danny Gokey is an ass clown. Wait, this song isn't about a dead wife. Is hair purple? So, it started off okay, and has now broken into a full on boat cruise lounge act . Did he not learn that is dancing is not his thing? Also- just because Paula is standing doesn't mean it is good. She has to dance the drugs out. Kara has nice hair.
So, tonight I am watching idol with the roomie for the first time in awhile. I need to tell her things about the contestants that she may have missed (like the dead wife-she knows scott is blind). And we are waiting for pizza that was supposed to be here like, 15 minutes ago. They probably are jerking off on it, because after we got the total for the medium pizza and realized that it was cheaper to get the large pizze and wings, we told them they were ridiculous and changed the order. But seriously, $23 for a medium pizza!? Horseshit. Add the drugs into this, and I am a little distracted.
Is Kris's voice deeper this week? He is really cool. AH! Because we are both gemini-cancers. Three days part, and a few years. I have a crush now, I think. He is very JC Chasez in this song. I am probably one of the few people that actually purchased his Schizophrenic album.I am not a fan of the crowd being so close. I am afraid they are gonna steal his wallet or something.
Thanks for clearing up the name thing, Lil. She does a Tina Tuner impression. And it is lame, and Paula is actually coherent, and tells her it was karaoke. They all hammer in the same thing, and it is torturous. I thought she was gonna cry.
I hear that Anoop is singing "True Colors" after the break, and I am contemplating turning the station. I hate him, and his pretension(is that a word), and his stupid bedroom eyes. I love that Ryan called him out on being an asshole. Well, he's a tarheel, so it makes sense. Haha.
This is awful. I used to pretend that i was Cindy Lauper, and dance in the living room to this album. He sucks.I LOVE simon's face during Paula's criticism. She DID say "you showed your true colors like a rainbow."
I think it is really lame that some people are using baby pictures, and others are not. Putting up a picture of you as an 11 year old doesn't really make sense, since you are only 16. I am talking to you, Allison.
So the blind guy has a birthday a few days before mine (plus a few years). It really sucks when you realize you are totally older than all the idol contestants. Does it concern anyone else that a blind guy wants to conduct a train? Wait. WTF. He is standing up with a guitar. Did he decide to steal the " guitar thing" because everyone stole the "piano thing" last week? It was awful. He sucked. It is time to stop, America. He is not the strongest singer, nor the strongest performer here. Thank you Simon, for calling out the fact that the guitar was totally disconnected from the song. Dammit. He missed his only opportunity to sing George Michael. I love that he said "I wanted to show that I was versatile before I went home." This kid knows that his time is up. Good thing.
Okay. This Bonnie Rait song "I Can't Make You Love Me" is one of my favorite songs in the world. And George Michael did a cover, and it was amazing. I think she is a little young for this song, and it shows in her phrasing. It is missing that PAIN and sadness. But she does have a great voice. I feel like my criticism is off this week. I am just too tired. I don't like her magenta hair. And the judges nutted all over her. Apparently I am just too critical.
I love this AT&T commercial. The song is great. Finally googled it.
Haha. Matt was a theater dork. "Part-Time Lover." A rarely covered Stevie song. Paula is a goober. She feels the beat of the rhythm of the night.I am not really sure how I feel about this performance. Well, the judges loved it. So I guess I did. What the hell with a 45 second judges recap? Oh, it is only an hour tonight. Had they not spent five minutes repeating the same thing they always do to Lil, they would be in time. Haha, Adam has been effeminate since childhood. Love it. I love this song..... Can we just give him the award yet? Paula is in love. The lighting is a little extreme this week.
How do they run this far over? Is NO ONE watching the time? Tell Paula and Randy they don't need to talk, because whatever they have to say is irrelevant anyway. I mean, really. They know the timing on the pre-produced video montages, they know how long the songs run. So the only time that they don't have pinned down is the lame stool question sessions (eliminating these is my vote) and the judges response. Get a big fucking clock, and put it in front of them. Ugh.
All right, sorry for the kinda lame recap. I am gonna go to bed now.
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