August 1, 2009

A little experiment...

So, after seeing numerous lame cat videos (yes, I watch cat videos) on youtube that had over 17,000 hits... I decided I could do the same thing. With the power of social media- I want to get this thing to 18,500 by Monday at Noon (AZ time). Think I can do it?

If you like it, blog it- tweet it- facebook it- myspace it- whatever. :) Let's get there!!

July 31, 2009

Knew It- More to Love? More like More to Lie About

So- in case you didn't know, sometimes people on reality television shows embellish the truth in order to create a more interesting character. I know, I should have warned you to sit down. Well- apparently the slimy bachelor from More to Love (click here for my recap) is one of these people. I received an email from an equally addicted to reality tv co-worker this morning with evidence that the Big Bachelor used to be...wait for it..... a hunky high school football player. His ex-girlfriend (btw- fox should have given her $ early) told PopSugar that he was a stud, and released pictures of a time where he was supposedly "chubby." I will pause while you watch the link....

What a lying sleazeball, right!? No wonder he is perfectly comfortable flirting two girls at once, and making out with one while the other watched. It was probably a common occurrence every Friday night of 1998. I knew there was something fishy about that guy, because anyone who has really had their heart broken because of their weight/insecurities would be a little more sensitive of other's feelings.

Obviously he was just your classic high school football hero, and after he busted his knee freshman year of college, he lost his scholarship and joined a fraternity. From there, the booze pounds packed on. He probably couldn't keep his grades up, and landed a nice job at Hollywood Video. He stumbled upon an add on MySpace for a new realty show with some fatties, and he was like "this is IT!" Here is what I think his plan is.... get on this show... prove what a stud he is... pick some girl (only to break her heart) and then get some additional reality show about wanting to change his life, and be a healthier him. The new show chronicles his weight loss plan, etc. Because, I don't know if you have seen this, the Biggest Loser biggest successes are usually people that were former athletes. They have the drive/focus/experience but needed to get their asses back into the swing of things.

But now that everyone knows he wasn't really a chubster as he claims he was.... this is gonna get interesting. Will America forgive him for lying? The answer if, yes of course. Americans are stupid. I just hope Fox didn't spend too much money photoshopping him heavy in those HS pictures that they will no longer be able to use on the show.

And yes, I will of course keep watching the show. Puh-lease.

July 28, 2009

More to Love- My Next Application for TWOP

SO- since I am not always the most regular blogger, and I know you miss me, I thought I would try to blog about a tv show again, and bring some of my loyal readers back. This time, a suggestion from a co-worker really hit the spot. More to Love, aka The Bachelor for the Big Boned. Crying crazy girls? Always good tv, no mater what size. So- here goes.

I just barely caught the beginning. I was TRYING again to keep reading this book I am trying to finish, and fell asleep AGAIN. That is a blog for another day. More to Love starts like the basic Bachelor show, meeting the Bachelor who pretends to be more modest than he is. And he tries to say he "just needs love." I believe him as much as I believed Andrew Firestone.

We obviously need a host, and the guy from the Bach isn't allowed. So, we get Emme- wasn't she on a reality show? I swear she was. Or maybe on at MTV special. Years of reality television has really done a number on my memory. Anyhow, she is a well known plus size model, and I bet her and the ANTM cycle 10 winner were the major runners fore the gig. Liv Tyler's sister is too edgy for this.

No type? All women are beautiful. Same shit the bachelor says. So, here comes the first limo... Gooo! Boobs. Melissa with the double E's. Christina starts the whining. Heather is crying in the first 5 seconds. She is gonna be fun. Cute dress. Punk rock princess Bonnie, who wants to bake a pie and be a wife. Amanda Awkward- never had a boyf. Michelle the California girl. a crier too. Shit, 8 minutes in, and half have cried. She talks about enjoying life. But she cries. I am confused.

SUPER Quick commercial- next limo. Pale girl Anna who is intensely tall. And he TOTALLY scans her ass. And I like her the best' as she quotes Pat Benetar "love is a battlefield." Natasha is a rocket scientist, and a big dork. she looks way older than 25. Lauren is officially schoolgirl creeper. She bear hugs him. Teal is a good color for her. vaness is a major flirter and a little creepy. Wait--- did i miss a girl? with a beehive and fishnets? Melissa- Not a cute dress. Danielle- never had a second date. Mandy,teaches him to salsa dance in her 15 seconds. Hmmm. She also looks older than 25. Tally is from NY, but born and raised in Israel. And a 12 tear old comes in... what's her name? Kristian... I swear she didn't say it. She' s a teacher. Sweet. Another slutty hugger. with heels and hair 6'2, I like it. Arianne... she is being honest with her age. Sandy- a "farm girl." Sure, I believe that. This is a big limo..... Shari is a yo-yo er. AND THE HIGH VOICED MAGALI. I am going to hit her. Natalia likes to cook, and he says he likes "anything thick and juicy." Perv. Another crier.

20 women. Go back and count and make sure I didn't miss any. I will wait.... So, he starts a speech about how everyone here has been hurt by someone, etc. Because apparently that is exclusive to heavy people. And everyone gets a diamond ring, as his promise that he will like them for who they are. What a novel concept. If they take the ring, they have to promise to do the same. "Somebody that's gonna look inside you," yes, she just said that. Way to start it off with something serious... don't we usually work UP to the ring?

He is 26, and gives the standard "it's so humbling to be around all these wonderful women." He is now talking to the 12 year old. He is such a player-player. She is head over heels. AND here is a girl who quit her job to be on reality tv. Good for her. I hope she gets voted off. Idiot. And, every girl in the mansion is totally "his type." Wait- I thought he didn't have one. And let's pause for a moment. That concept has never made any sense to me. I have had a type since kindergarten, when I fell in love with George Michael (this is when he was dating women, and cmon, I was 5). I have a thing for dark haired light eyed guys. Always have I don't see a problem with it. But, people like to pretend like they can't be pinned down, or put into a box, so let's let them keep thinking that.

Do we really need to keep asking what the favorite food products are? And here comes the girl fights and interruptions. He is snuggling with two girls on the couch (told you he was a player) and a few other girls shoot daggers. And we again talk about meat. Gross. WHOA! First kiss goes to Anna. ANOTHER MEAT JOKE. Look, I like meat on a stick as much as the next... anddddd the drunk girl. The "farm raised" one. This next chick has never been on a date, and she said she only thinks people ask her ask a joke. Like in Never Been Kissed- remember when they egged her? SAD. She is still high pitched and annoying. ugh. Maybe THAT''s why guys don't like you.

AND crazy bitch jumps in the pool. The one that is always the best friend to the guys. Holy crap- this guy sounds EXACTLY like Judge Reinhold. Haha. Bonnie is an asshole. I like her. She called this girl ridiculous- and said she looked like an otter. :)

Same problem as always... so many girls, so little time. Oh, and the rocket scientist that thinks she is in danger because she is too smart. Yeah, probably. This IS a reality show. And then girls are sitting around and talking about how awesome he is... and how much in love they are. Because they have known this guy for 25 minutes. Yup, it's real. When the Bach asks Melissa a question, I am a little creeped out.. he is a PERV. And he asks for a kiss. This guy is kinda slimy. Let me tell you, he pulls ALL kind of tail, big and small; I am SURE of it. I learned from the teaching of my roommate's brother. He was in a frat, and told his little bro- "dude- it's a numbers game. girls like confidence. just keep asking, and enough will say yes to keep you busy." It works. That said little bro, prolly a good four inches shorter, and 7 years older than me had me all up in a tizzy 5 years ago. I think this guy learned that same lesson.

Sad- everyone has to give their rings back... he will only give rings to girls that make it through. I am still really uncomfortable with this idea... rings signify way too much.

Elimination time... he feels honored, blah blah standard shit. The future Mrs. Connelly could be in thsi room. Yup. Love in reality tv always works. First girl- Anna the first kissing skeeze/gigantor tall girl. Melissa A.- the second loose lip girl. Surprise. Magali- meh. Heather- the cutest dress I think. Mandy- and some girls shoot daggers, for a reason I don't know. Amanda- okay. Vanessa- the red head. Has Bonnie done her hair three differnt ways? Tali? the NYer. Lauren- .... Bonnie- Thanks goodness, I thought she was gonna kill someone. Christina-she seems nice. Dani- looks like jumping in the pool worked out. If allt hese girls do is cry, I am not gonna be able to do this. Arian? cougar. kristian, the 12 year old. How are these rings all fitting perfectly? And Emme comes out for the "only one ring." She is nearly worthless thus far. You can FEEEEEEL the desperation in this room. Mel B. One of the biggest criers, and the ugliest dress.

Now it's time for the awkward goodbyes. Fake "wish you the bests," and "great to meet yous." And he calls them al sweetie. Why is it so bright outside? Wasn't it night time? These exit interviews are depressing. Surprise, the rocket scientist is gone. And they don't even give her an exit interview.

And now he ends with the standard "humbling, etc." It may actually be the exact quote from earlier.

Clips from the future... this looks like it's gonna be good. Drama, prom, throwing flowers, make outs... yes. I am there.

July 27, 2009

I Used to LIKE The Dentist

Dear Dental Hygienist,

We have know each other for over 12 years now, and although we only see each other every 6 months, I feel like we have a good realtionship. You tell me stories about your kids (that you mention less now that they are older) and I pretend like you care when you ask how work is. You have seen me grow through High School and College, and now as a young professional. It is now then, that I ask you to stop nagging me about flossing like I am 6, and to stop punishing me by attacking my gums to teach me a lesson.

My family has all used your services. I have stuck up for you when they called you the Nazi, and they switched to another hygienist in the office. I figured they just didn't brush as often as I did, and I (especially the last few years) have had wonderful check ups. 27 years without a cavity should say something (knock, knock). But now that it is two hours after my appointment, and I am still tender- I felt I should let you know a few things.

One- People like you make it tough for people to come back to the dentist regularly. There are many people that go YEARS between check ups. I have never missed an appointment, and I felt guilty when one time I went 8 months between cleanings. I brush twice every day, and I wear my bite guard to prevent the grinding. Even with this track record you condescendingly berate me for my not so stellar flossing. Guess what!? Those last few times when you said I had been doing a really great job flossing.... I had been- FOR A WEEK BEFORE SO YOU DIDN'T NAG ME! Apparently one really good week makes up for 5 months without it. :) This time, I got busy and forgot, and honestly didn't expect that that much "calcification" had built up. But you sure showed me- by digging your scraper into every area of my gums. I can only imagine what it would be like if I had waited two years... I probably would have had to be placed under anesthesia! So- maybe lighten up a little on the scrapping.

Next- You have a super high tech system that tells you every tooth's history, can't it also tell you that I despise cherry polish? I believe I have said something at least 4 times. I swear that last time you made a note. But today, instead of minty freshness, I got that lame cherry bubble gum. I am an adult. Seriously.

Also- When you floss for me to finish out the torture session, it isn't a race. You don't need to jam the floss in... Have you thought that the harsh way you S&M my teeth with the floss might be part of the reason that I I don't like to do it myself?

Finally- When the dentist comes in to do his final overview, you don't need to rat me out to him about the flossing, I get it. Next time, why don't you just floss me and say "just WAIT till the dentist hears about THIS." That's pretty much what it feels like.

I will see you again in 6 months. Please be sure that you have paid attention to my suggestions. If not, next time I am switching ladies too.



July 26, 2009

A Diet Pointer for Everyone

So, I have been dieting the past month. I won't get into the details, because everyone has a different idea of what is best. I know what works for me (down 13 lbsish- forgot to weigh myself at the beginning) so whatev. I have some pretty strict guidelines; that is usually what works best for me. No grey area, no room to cheat. I will be gradually getting back to real healthy stuff- but my idea is you've gotta do something to jump start the loss. Anyway..... I have been following to a T. Makes life a little depressing sometimes, but the joy of slipping on skinnier jeans makes it all worthwhile. One thing that helps me get through is the Food Network. Some may say "what! why torture yourself?" Because I can't smell it. I just get to see it. On Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives this morning, I saw some pretty amazing stuff. I had also just eaten breakfast, so I was full. That helped. The boyf, in an effort to be supportive, asked if I really wanted to be watching something like this right now. I told him it was kinda like porn. You know, it really isn't cheating, but it gives you a great feeling.

I am glad he is supportive, because it is LOVE weight anyhow. You know, that comfy weight you get when you can eat whatever, and aren't so careful about exercising because you don't have to slip into skinny jeans and heels on a Saturday night on the prowl. It really is nice, but then you look at yourself and think... wait a minute... people are prolly looking at us wondering "was she fat BEFORE they got together, or has she gotten fat since? She must have a really great personality!" Oh c'mon. You know YOU have wondered about people. I won't lie, I have. Anyway, the combo of that and having my littlest sister look like ME, and me look like the SWOLLEN me in all the family photos lately got me into gear.

I won't be updating weekly on the diet, it isn't what the blog is about (wait, does the blog really even have a central theme?). Just wanted to let everyone know that if you are looking to eat something you aren't supposed to, maybe just watch Food Network instead. It isn't cheating. :)