April 7, 2010

Idol Recap- 9 to 8

These opening montages make the show seem a lot more entertaining than it actually is. Ryan wants us to be prepared for a surprise or two tonight. I am on the edge of my seat.

For the record, I can't stand Jason Derulo. Mainly because my boyf is now working for a top 40 radio station out here, so I listen to show support.... and they played Jason Derulo TWICE in the 4 hour morning show n today. TODAY. Too much. Also the fact that he says his name in each song is annoying too.

The judges are talking about donations for the upcoming Idol Gives back. I hate that night. Not because of the idea that they raise money for charity. That's cool.

Group song. You can tell they are pre-recorded because everyone is actually on pitch. Anyone can be a popstar these days. It's called auto tune. The dirty hippie is wearing white go go boots, and sounds like a Disney princess. I bet this is Simon Cowell's least favorite part of every show. If I were him, I would be drunk. It's the only way to endure this cruise show karaoke performance. I can't believe people pay money to see that shit on tour. Americans blow my mind.

Casey is the star of these terribly cheesy commercials. Do they use the same lame songs every year?

Let's get to the cuts. Siobhan is standing, and there aren't any cuts to any Sizombies in the audience. Where did those crazies go? Apparently they weren't dialing in, because she is sent to the center stage. Sweet. Hippie is safe, but looks terrified.... she is sent to the center as well. Which means she has to be safe, along with Siobhan, because Katie is joining her. And they never announce the bottom three in the first 15. Oh Idol, you toy with our emotions so. Crystal is announced as safe. Duh. And both the others are safe too. I just noticed that Katie is wearing a Let It Be shirt. What a poser. All the chicks are safe, so three of the dudes are in the bottom. Remember at the beginning of the season, when everyone kept saying "they picked crappy boys because they wanted a chick to win this year." Well, hate to break it to you, but those people are stupid. Because they picked crappy EVERYONE this year. So there.

Jason Derulo was signed by Kara. I now hate her. What the hell is he wearing?? His jacket has spikes and studs. And he is wearing gloves. I'm just thankful he didn't keep singing that stupid "when I become a star, we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you" song. I think I have complained about it before. Is it necessary to have slow mo/ black and white scenes? He cannot hit a single high note and almost falls in the end of this cheesy spin, toe pic touch. Would have been better if he fell. Kara is in love, and says he is an incredible songwriter. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??? Simon pretends like he liked it. Drunk.

Hey, remember David Archuleta? He was the runner up and then guest starred on an episode of I-Carly. And that's it. So- don't vote for 16 YOs, America. He is such a nerd.

Lee is standing now, and they have to talk AGAIN about his lack of confidence. He now has to stand on the far side. I hate these dramatics. Big Mike stands...he gets to stand on the right side. Casey James stands, and has his hair pulled back. He joins Lee. I hope Aaron Kelly and David Archuleta get to hang out after the show. He gets to stand with Big Mike, who is three times his size. Tim Urban stands, and the girl screaming begins. He joins Lee and Casey. This is getting interesting... darn you Idol for making me think! Andrew stands and shows that he really doesn't have much personality. He joins Big Mike and Aaron. One of the two groups is bottom three. Ryan asks Ellen to guess which is bottom three, and she actually says Big Mike's group. And she is right. They looked pissed. Aaron Kelly is safe. Wowza....

We have THREE performers tonight?!?! Can't this just be a half hour? Balls. Rhianna is being rough and tough. She is singing about being a rockstar. Hmm. Head to toe leather. She's always been weird, IMHO. Now she is writhing around on the ground. This song sucks. I wonder if she wrote it herself. I think she changed songs... no wait... now she is holding a guitar, and it is obvious that it is only for looks. The judges aren't sitting in their normal seats, and I bet money Simon is in the back, crossing another day of the calendar of his contract.

Ryan reminds us that they are both fathers, and one of them is now a loser in their child's eyes... Andrew is safe.... Big Mike is SHOCKED. So is the roomie. Me too, if we are being honest. He is singing "This Woman's Work, " because they loved it a few weeks ago. His wife is bawling. Well hey, maybe now he can actually start to raise his daughter. #justsayin Kara looks like she is gonna riot. Do they save him now, or do they save whoever falls victim to the 13 yo girl voting block next week? Holy shit this is intense. Simon is always the talker. He wishes that he had sung like this the night before.... it was unanimous, and he is safe. His fans will get back into gear next week. They way everyone is reacting on stage, it is like he just cured cancer. Chill out.

April 6, 2010

Idol Recap- Let It Be

Tonight is Beatles night. Let's see if it is like last year's Beatles night, where half of the covers were covers of songs changed for Across the Universe and I Am Sam, and the judges were none the wiser. Again with the behind the scenes crap. We know that there is a big control room that makes sure everything runs smoothly. I guess this year they want some more credit, since the show has been ending mostly on time. I would like to think that my continual complaining had something to do with it. I was willing to call the show for them, and get it to run on time for once. That call never came.

They put up a picture of Didi Benami as if she were dead. I found out that's how my old co-workers talk about me. Like, at lunch they say, "remember when Marissa (insert something witty and fun)?...... May she rest in peace." I think that's hilarious. Miss them all. :)

This week is Beatles week, and they have a montage of Beatles clips, and clips of the contestants waxing philosophical about the impact the Beatles had on pop music. But none of them were alive to hear them, so they just regurgitate the same crap that everyone has said about the Beatles for all of time. McCartney himself delivered an awkward message to the contestants, and it appears that he has had a stroke. Might have to google that. Ellen won the battle tonight, and gets to wear the vest. Kara chooses to dress on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, in a sequined party dress. The judges continue the rambling about the Beatles being the best band in the history of the universe, and Simon mentions that there are some songs from the Beatles that just cannot be changed. Uh oh contestants.... the judges are onery tonight!

This week, they asked the contestants to talk to about each other. Apparently the 16 YO Aaron is a big Star Wars nerd. Please look to the shocked look on my face. (/sarcasm) He will be singing "The Long and Winding Road." Not sure that I am familiar. His voice is really shaky and pitchy. With a really harsh ending. Not feeling it, dawg. Randy doesn't either. Another sleepy performance. What is with the angel glow from the lights on the judges? I think they are scared of HI-Def, and the soft lighting is an attempt to soften their fine lines. Kara says he needs to pick up the tempo, because we are asleep. Simon asks him why he chose it, and of course, he felt a personal connection. But it was boring and old fashioned. This kid is shorter than Ryan Seacrest. I hope he gets a growth spurt soon.

Awkward Stool Time with Katie. Apparently she has received 5 requests for Prom. She said that whoever votes the most will get to take her. Katie knows the "Single Ladies" dance. Riveting. And, because she is really out to prove she is young and hip, she chooses "Let It Be." It is a fine version, but does nothing to help the "stop acting like a 44 year old" critique from the judges. Randy is an idiot, and of course it is her "best performance ever." It might get to the point in this season where I stop talking about him- just like I did last year. Kara talks about how she is blossoming on the stage, and gets misty. Simon says that she got it right, because she leaned in the direction of more country. The other judges yell. And Kara sings for all of us. Remember? She's a really important song writer. Ugh, the dreaded "I had a blast." This girl has zero personality.

Andrew is a comedian, which is in total disagreement with Simon's criticism of him having the personality of a carrot. He will be singing "Can't Buy Me Love," which- for the record- is one of my favorite 80's movies. If Paula were here, she would ramble in a drug induced slur that she did the choreography for that movie. And I would smile. This version is a little funky, and guess what?!?! He showed some personality, and fakes the rest by wearing yellow. Because only really exciting people wear yellow. Randy said it was corny. Ellen says it was fun. Because what else is she supposed to say? Kara is meh, but says it in way more words. Simon says the band was overpowering, and made it old fashioned and irrelevant.

Big Mike is a loud snorer, is the Incredible Hulk and a Teddy Bear. Because his family was a performing family like the Jacksons, minus the asshole dad- let's hope- he will be singing "Eleanor Rigby," which his dad used to sing. Of course- it is funky, with a string quartet. He does an awesome job, and I think it's the first time he really deserved to be here- instead of people just loving the story. Randy "loves seeing the artist in him blossom." Barf. Ellen thought it was incredible. And Kara said it was FIRE. Simon said it was like a musical, which he doesn't like. Maybe that is why I liked it so much, because I am a SUCKER for a good musical. Hey judges, lets take 7 extra minutes arguing and critiquing a contestant that will be around for a few more weeks. GREAT use of our time.

Bowersox is up next. Money that she is going to do something from the drug induced Beatles period. Awkward Stool Time with Bowersox. Apparently in small town Ohio, with 1500 people- there is a "Home of the Dirty Hippie" sign hanging. The other idols says she is a beautiful mother that cares for everyone. But she is also a rebel that doesn't care what everyone thinks! This week's song she chose because it was "Fun." Really, "Come Together" is fun? But, I was right- it is druggie Beatles. How else do you explain lines like "he got joo joo eyeball?" Annnnnd she messed up the lyrics on a totally predictable performance. Randy rambled. Ellen is the president of the Bowersox fan club. Kara says it is a favorite performance because it was slinky and sexy. Simon said he could hear that performance on the radio. I think for the next few weeks I am not going to go over the commentary for Crystal, because it is all the same.

By the grace of the teenage girls across the world, Tim Urban lives to sing another week. And everyone loves his smile. And OF COURSE he is picking a FUN song. "All My Loving." That is my favorite type of Beatles song. His hair is very Beatles tonight, and this performance is making me smile like a school girl. The roomie even noticed, and it was embarrassing. Randy says it was better, mentions the Beatles hair. Naive Little Timmy was totally unaware. Kara is shooting him the death glare while Ellen giggles. She basically says "we've been beating you up and you keep coming back, so kudos." Simon said he did really well, and he liked that it was gimmick free and sounded current. And while he looks girly, he "takes criticism like a man." Even says he is proud. Randy is cranky, because he got it wrong.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. David Boreanaz and Bones are there!!!!!!! I have loved David for 14 years. I bawled like a baby when Angel died on Buffy. I was walking around the house sobbing, and my father said "Jesus Christ, Marissa. I didn't cry that much when my father died." I have always been over involved in television. The only dude I have loved longer is Jared Leto. And if you think I won't follow through on my plan to wear a Jordan Catalano t-shirt to the upcoming 30 Seconds to Mars concert--- you've got another thing coming.

Casey has a big laugh, like Kendra. And he has beautiful hair,like Jesus. He will be doing "Jealous Guy," written by Lennon. Rough start.... kinda reaching.... now we are into it. When I hear this song, I think of Look Who's Talking Too. He is kinda dreamy.... and totally rocking this. I can tell, because I stopped typing and just listened. <3. I hate it when i get a crush on the contestants. I had a serious crush on Kris Allen last year. I am just a sucker for a guitar player. I may or may not have made out with at least 5 dudes merely because they played guitar. Back in my single days, of course. :) Ellen loved it. And if you're keeping track, this time replaces all the other times that she has said that THIS was her favorite performance. Kara, blah blah vulnerable. Simon says it was the best of the night. He used the word "ginormous," and it made me happy. :)

Siobhan is up, and everyone is trying to find a nice way to say she's a total weirdo. Except for Big Mike- who says it straight. Tonight she will be singing "Across the Universe," which is one of my favorites. She better not fuck this up. She has a stool, so that means she is serious. She is singing straight through her nose. WHAT IS WITH THE RUFFLE SKIRT??!! I hope someone says this is self-indulgent, because this is textbook. I am trying to tune her out by switching to ONTD, but the website isn't loading properly since their redesign. Anyone else having that problem? If you aren't familiar... it is THE PLACE for snarky celebrity commentary on the interwebs. I want to be one of them so bad. Randy sucks. Ellen has weirdo love. Kara rambled. And Simon asked her how it was relevant to her. And she rambles about how nothing is going to change her world. And cries. Simon smiles awkwardly and says she was better than last week- and the loud jerk from the audience gets some screen time. Don't do that. You are only encouraging him. They even let him come on stage?!?! Is there no longer a code of conduct?

Lee Dewyze is the resident worry wart. Apparently Lee and Andrew have major guy love (don't worry- the link is SFW) for each other. He is singing "Hey Jude," which isn't a really big surprise. I like the gravel he brings to it. ANNNNNNND Bagpipes. Because, why the hell not? Now we know why this was saved for last. Randy loves the bagpipes. He tells him again not to be nervous. YO, PLEASE BELIEVE! These families wearing "vote for my family member" shirts are annoying. We get it. We know you're family. We see "so and so's family" in the lower third. Simon did not dig the bagpipes, but admires that Lee asked for them. Because, let's be honest- there are weirder things that he could request... like a didgeridoo. Wow, I spelled that correctly on my first attempt. I RULE!

Katie, Andrew and the 16 YO are bottom three. Unless this is the time that America gets lazy, and one of the favorites makes it there... we shall see tomorrow. :)

IF you are looking for something good to watch after Idol, start watching Parenthood. It is great that Lorelei Gilmore is back on tv. Sigh. I want to be her so bad.