April 24, 2009

All Right... NOW I am Jealous

So, some of you may have read my lame photo blog the other day from "working with a bear." He was stuffed. Today, I saw this. This guy gets to hang out with a bear ALL day, EVERY day. I have already entered in my cell phone number for a text reminder when it airs on National Geographic.

What the hell? I have a stuffed bear, and this guy gets a real live one?!?! Seems a little unfair to me. Asshole.

Best part of the website? Are You Bear Aware? It has video blogs about what it is like living with a Bear. National Geographic is AMAZING.

April 22, 2009

The Last Dance for Two of the Three I Hate Most on Idol

Well- you get a double blog today. Just posted my experience about working with a bear, because I am ridiculous.

The opening on Idol tonight was so funny dramatic, and just proved the Lil is an idiot, AND a bitch.

I think Ryan just may have said that Paula choreographed tonight. This is a fun little segment- part "pimp Paula" and part "now that the blind guy is gone, we can get freaky." You forgot about the blind guy , didn't you?!?! Also- I don't think Adam has ever done hard labor in his life. Bottom all the way.

So- they are wearing ridiculous outfits. And we are back to the pre-recorded medleys- because obviously people can't sing and dance at the same time. Oh. Wait. It's called Broadway and it is totally possible. THOSE people are real performers. Holy shit this is awful. Things we know: Adam has got the hip action down- Matt is good pre-recorded- Danny Gokey should break a leg before the tour and stop this dancing nonsense- Paula is really trying to show her (limited) value this year- and apparently there were other disco artists than Donna Summer (that's for you, Kenn)- and Kris is adorable in anything.

So- just got a google message from the boyf, telling me he knew who was kicked off tonight. I told him that I already knew one, since my NY friend spilled the beans on Facebook. She is a crazy Matt fan, so she dialed for two hours on her NY phone, and then two hours on her AZ phone for Matt. I am telling you- saving him last week was totally part of the plan, and his fans (like my crazy friend) made it happen. He is safe. And I know one of the people who leaves. I made it clear that I want the rest to be a surprise. I think from here on out, I will have to avoid all social media on Wednesday nights. Because people really show their cuckoo colors now. This friend is one of theose Idol fans I make fun of (to her face, don't worry) because they really get attached to people. I won't name her- but she can own it in the comments if she wants.

These Ford commercials are tardo. And these are the worst lip synchers in the world. I love that most of them are in on the joke, and totally laugh. When do those stop? Isn't Ford bankrupt yet? Or are these marketing dollars really worth it?

Lil- has terrible huge earrings. The lights are too low... Ryan totally cock teases her... says "you really want this don't you.... we really need someone like you.... come over here." She is taken to the other side of the stage. And then he says "Lil Rounds, so tough- mother of three- and BIG LOSER BECAUSE SHE IS OUT." Wow. Just ripped it like a band-aid. NOW I am cranky, because Lil was the one I didn't know went home. Well, I mean I KNEW because I can predict the movements ofAmerica. So, essentially the rest of the evening is just watching the episode, knowing what is going to happen.

Blah blah blah. Send her home already. Where is the video montage?! Waa waaa. Also- her hair looks better longer, for sure.

Okay- now we have a medley of disco singers from "before we were born." BTW Ryan- YOU are old. Last time I checked, Disco was alive in 1974 . "Band of Gold" Lady- Botox forehead- nice arms- tiggo bitties. Working hard for the money, so you better treat her right. Song is a little long... she is too od to keep pace with this and is panting from too much choreography. Thelma Houston with a dead bird on her head, and totally missed her intro. "Don't Leave Me This Way." She says "Simon, please don't leave me this way." Love it. Her boobs look like they are trying to make an exit. KC without the Sunshine Band. I hate that stupid earring. You would think he gave it up by now. He has some old lady dancers, nice work.

I am really excited for this "Glee" show.

So- here we go... Kris is safe. Duh. Now we talk to Adam.. blah blah... "risk" blah blah "lyrics." Thanks Ryan for curtly telling him to take a seat because he is safe. Danny Gokey, ass clown extraordinare. Whoa... Simon just licked his lips and it made me feel funny. Oh Jesus- the clumsy thing.... apparentlythe "bloggers" thought is was harsh. NOT THIS BLOGGER. Danny says he meditated on it. blah. blah- ass clown is safe. Surprise.... he is so excited, but it is really just postponing the inevitable. Anoop- Did his eyebrows grow from last night!? Ryan is "getting right to it" tongiht. I like the take charge attitude. Allison- and Matt please stand. Allison's hair looks semi- normal. I mean, for fuschia hair. Matt- the thing on his forehead bothers me. And he looks like he is gonna cry. He is so goofy. One of these tow schmoes is bottom two. And Matt is totally safe. Wow. I thought he was gonna be in the bottom and then saved... but he is not even there... WOW. Simon really put the fear in the Matt fans. My aforementioned friend actually fell asleep cell phone in hand. They are dedicated. And, it is time for Allison to get a reality check, and stop dressing like a little girl going ape shit in her mom's closet .

David Archuleta sucks. My sister (the Marine) stopped by to borrow my camera and saw him. She said "why does he need a girl back up singer? He IS a girl." HE WAS JUMPING ON THE STAGE. Lame. Blah Blah.

Here is a random story that is more interesting than Idol. Apprently, the parents got the garage floor recovered today. As it was drying, a brave lizard thought he would travel across it, and got stuck. My sister didn't want to smash it and ruin the wet floor. But couldn't peel it either. She asked my dad what to do, and he said to wait until it died to clean it up. My sister said "It could take three days." My dad said, "well it's his fault." Haha. My dad is an ass.
Apparenlty his $900 floor > a lizard's life.

Anoop goes home. Thank goodness. We hear him sing one last time, and then he says he is ready to go home to Chapel Hill and rake in a good few good lays before he falls off the face of the Earth.

Here is a joint goodbye montage. I would be PISSED if I was around this long, and was part of a joint montage. Well- at least we ended on time.

Okay- so sister says..."wait, what's her name?" I say "Lil." She stares. Much like the boyf did a few weeks ago when he asked the same question. To her, I said... "Lil- Like Phil and Lil." And my sister smiles and says "she was named after a Rugrat ?"

Hanging with Mr. Bearington

So, after I called her out in the blog last night, SUPER Intern showed up today with a bear. In a suit. Absolutely RAD. The following is a photo blog of our day together.

8:30 a.m.- Reported to duty (he could come in late on his first day)

8:55 a.m. Checked messages- made some calls.

9:12 a.m. First trip of many to the printer.

9:15 a.m. Caught up on some water cooler talk with a co-worker (one that was not particularly amused by a bear shadowing all day- one recently married McGrumperston- she knows who she is).

9:24 a.m. Grabbed the projector from the I.T. room for a lunch meeting.

9:35 a.m. Made a lame joke about bringing home the money to the Mrs. Ugh.

9:48 a.m. Got some green tea before a meeting.

10:03 a.m. Meeting with the Marketing Team about some signage.

10:17 a.m. Got caught by the receptionist trying to make a butt photo copy.

10:21a.m. Stopped by the mailbox on the way back to my office.

10:22 Said hi to Kenn and played with the "easy buttons."

10:58 a.m. Headed to a luncheon... (this is when I got a really confused look from my boss)

1:23 p.m. Mr. Bearington pretends to be the speaker! (FYI: A convo with the boss about the reason for dragging a bear around all day is hilarious. She knows I am crazy, and laughed.)

1:38 p.m. Helping the I.T. guy with some computer updates. (He wasn't really surprised that I had a bear with me all day.)

2:18 p.m. Brief "joy break" with a Television Without Pity Idol Recap. I would link it, but I would be afraid you would think they are funnier, and stop reading my blog.

2:58 p.m. Video review for an upcoming program(that's why it is so dark)

At the end of the day, I had a few other things to finish for an early meeting tomorrow. He totally took a nap. I tried to add the picture, but my phone is stupid.

So- moral of the story in working with a bear. They are fun and amusing, but not necessarily the hardest workers.

April 21, 2009

You Should BE Dancing, YEAH

So, that few minutes before Idol starts where I watch TMZ makes me dumber.

I love the dramatic open about the "judges save." Duh. Of course we are gonna leave it to the end... and send home two, when there are three that suck.It is simple people, seriously. So, if we have an open that tells us about it, why do we need Ryan to tell us again? This is how we run over.

This week is Disco, by far the best week of every Idol season. Why? Because it separates the "I have a really great story that suckers America" and the people that are legitimately marketable.I have been so excited all day! So, we will have idiots like Llil and Anoop that are EPIC Fails, and rock stars like Adam that make it their own. Someone should just rent a Baz Luhrmann film, and do disco like he does. I hope that Adam does that Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain song.

Lil- "I'm every woman." Who is surprised? Not me. She picked some big song, and didn't change a thing. Apparently the past 6 weeks of the judges telling her to stop doing lame karaoke versions and to make it her own never happened. Simon, you should have just talked to a wall. One good thing: hair extensions. She actually looks her age. She is an idiot. Kara has the best line ever: "you've been every woman on that stage, blah blah because you haven't been yourself." Haha. Paula babbles about an "inner goddess" and tries to guilt the audience into voting because Lil was sick yesterday. Simon says she's gone. "Copycat." Duh. Why do we care about her feedback? AND she is disagreeing. Because she is STUPID.

Stool Time with Ryan. Kris is adorable.

Kris Allen- Donna Summer- "She Works Hard for the Money." He is so freaking cute, and totally gets it. He does a Jason Mraz/Kenny Loggins hot acoustic version. And we are in love. THIS is what disco night is about. His wife is less cute, and they are not tagging her as his wife in the lower third anymore.Bye bye starter wife. Paula says something lame about "shopping in the womens' dept" and Simon calls her crazy. Simon loves Kris. There is a weird light on Randy- and he looks like an angel.

Earth Wind and Fire- Danny Gokey- "September." I want to kick him in the nards. What do you know? One of the lame ones that is only there because America loves a dead wife does a lame karaoke version. Because, c'mon... he is not EWF material. Because he is a dorky white guy. FYI Paula: THIS woman does not think Danny Gokey is sexy. Thanks Simon for keeping it real.

Allison in a terrible outfit. "Hot Stuff." I was concerned, because there are flames all over the stage. But she rocks it slow in the beginning. And continues to rock it. But good God. That OUTFIT. I get that she wanted to use the disco ball idea, and that she wanted to use the cool 70's suit tails. And she wanted to use the blue eye shadow and the mini boots.... but do we need it all at once? It his hilarious to me that she looks surprised that he says she is one of the best singers in the competition. Paula tries SO HARD to sound relevant. Maybe she should take two steps forward, and two steps back.

I love this stupid Burger King SpongeBob commercial. It cracks me up that people say that it is "teaching obesity and sexuality to your kids." Right... because THAT is where they picked it up. Not you stuffing your face and watching basic cable. Get over it people. Television is not responsible for raising your kid.... you are. It's called parenting. Read a book about it.

Stool time with Ryan. Apparently Adam chose "If I Can't Have You, I Don't Want Nobody" because it is more personal to him...little gay boys across the country are moved. Did you know that he is gonna win? Haha. PAULA IS CRYING. So, she needs to get her hormones checked. It is time for the change of life. I love that Simon can be relevant by just speaking the truth. Thank you Adam for acknowledging that someone helped with that arrangement. He is always good about that, but the judges talk over him.

Matt (who was saved last week, in case you wondered) is singing "Staying Alive." He is kinda . mixing it up. A little jazzier. Please click on that because it was gold. Feedback from the judges: not the best song choice, but it was good. Paula talks about bowling. Simon didn't like it, and poor Matt looks like his dog just got hit by a car. Hey America- guess what?! That was Simon's way of forcing you to vote for Matt so he doesn't go home. He thinks that Lil and Anoop should go home- but you aren't smart enough to listen, so he must use fear.

Ok people. I believe that last week, I said that I wanted to work with a bear, based on the really cool Vitamin Water commercial. After reading my blog, one of the interns from work told me via facebook that she would make it happen. She didn't. What should I do about it?

Anoop- I missed the title, because I wasn't paying attention. Also- I hate Anoop. His outfit is stupid. Oh. "Dim All the Lights." That he has slowed down... that doesn't work- because the song is about dancing, not unrequited love. Ok. A little better tempo, but he just creeps me out. I blame America's obsession with Slumdog Millionaire on him still being in the contest. He is not that talented. 3/4 judges like it. Guess who is a genuis. Funniest thing: Anoop's dad/gpa is caught laughing when Simon calls it horrible. Ha. Sounds like something my dad would do. He's kind of an ass. That's where I get it.

So, it is 8:00 and we are on recaps.... We end at 8:01?! Well, we should, especially since there was no guest judge.... Which is weird. Because isn't there a Gibb that hasn't been on here yet? Or some lame 70's star that is trying to make a comeback? What is David Cassidy ?

FYI- I am kinda creeper out by Fringe. But that is a totally different topic all together.

April 20, 2009

interesting stuff for a Monday afternoon

Here are a few interesting things to take a look at, as you pretend to be busy and motivated on a Monday afternoon.

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom . No- I didn't, actually. It is a line from a rap song. ;) Anyhow- some people got bust in a Taco Bell bathroom, and two little girls walked in on it. Apparently there were two women "servicing" two men, and "making funny noises." Okay, I would be irritated at my 5 and 11 year old daughter's walking in on that. BUT if it upset me enough to cry about it on a tv interview, I would have thought twice before REPEATING THE WHOLE STORY with the 5 year old SITTING ON MY LAP.

Unicorns exist. So, this old lady had a horn growing out of her head for 20 years before she got it surgically removed. At that point, why wouldn't you just join the circus? At least you could make some money while people laugh at you. How did her family let her keep that thing that long?!?!

Right.... evolution is bullshit... Look at this crazy hairless monkey, and tell me it doesn't look like my grandpa. I won't attach a picture of my grandpa (that would be insensitive), but you get the drift.

Speaking of old people, I could take on 32 in a fight. I have previously taken the quiz about taking on 5 year-olds. Taking on 90 year-olds sounds much more appealing.

Bet this guy will never eat wings again. Seems to me this guy was lucky he wasn't deep fried and battered in hot sauce. Perv.

Now get back to work.

April 19, 2009

we've got a lot to cover here

I really need to be better about posting over the weekend, so that I can avoid one big one on Sunday night. But that would mean that I would have to slow down L-I-V-I-N.

In case you were wondering, 17 Again is wonderfully amazing. It is also the best old person turning young and learning a life lesson movie ever. Especially because it takes the hotness of Zac Efron, and the humor of Matthew Perry and creates my dream man. Sigh. Yes, I am 26. Get off it. :P

Added bonus: this kid at the movie theater totally looked like him. Having no shame, I totally snapped a picture:


On Saturday- I was opened to a whole new world- Guitar Hero. I know, most people have been exposed to this much earlier. I have no excuse. But- I want to let you know, that I am the best Bass player in the world . I play in the band Jock Strap and the Elastic Waistband... but since that doens't fit well on posters, we go by Jock Strap.

Watched Quarantine today. Totally creepy. Basically- this film crew is following some firemen and they end up at a random call in an apartment building. After finding a freaky old lady gone bonkers, all of the residents, the camera crew, the cops and firmen get locked into the building. Some crazy version of rabies is being spread. I watched Family Guy to try to make things better, but then had to go home to a dark and empty house... with a cat that may or may not have had rabies.

Just a little taste of the weekend. Gonna watch Tough Love before bed. When I wake up, it's Monday. Joy.