May 19, 2010

Idol Recap- Vote Off to 2

I'm blogging at the boyf's house tonight, and I told him who was going to go home as he handed me his laptop to type. He had a screen open that announced the final two, and I looked down to see if I was right. And I was.

So, blogging tonight is even more anti-climactic than normal. And I have to watch the first 9 minutes of the most boring Idol interviews in the history of the world. You know what I don't want to hear? Idols whining. And since when does Crystal have diabetes? Bring out the baby. Bring out the illness. All we need is a retard sister, and we are good. Oh, no, wait. That is Nicole Scherzinger's game. I don't care if I spelled her name correctly. I think she is a phony, and she is using her down syndromed sister to get votes. That is disgusting. Different show, but I need to blog about things that are more relevant to my interests, so whatever.

In case you were wondering, I AM 6 budlight limes and two Candian Club and iced teas in. So what?

These commercials are really out of hand. Apparently these idols are spray painting to show they are wild. And then Ryan pimps the concert again. Remember at this point of the competition when the concerts were all sold out? Yeah, not so much anymore.

Montage of home town scenes. Casey gets asked if he has a woman in his life. Only every night, and then he kicks her out before coffee. Wow, he got some Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders there. It IS the off season, and the veterans need some cardio to keep them active, so.... Apparently Casey got in an accident 6 years ago, and he is now choosing a time with cameras present to come back and say thank you. I guess that hospital has no turnover rate, and the same nurse that emptied his bed pan is still there. Eff this noise; this is so put on.

Just referenced the open link boyf had up again. Wow, this chick is not funny. But- she lives on the East Coast. Is that what I need to professionally blog about television? An East Coast time zone? Because, wow. Did I mention that this blogger is a ginger with glasses? Yes, I just pulled that card. I need to start vlogging, so VH-1 will put me on their snarky countdowns. I am WAY finnier than Jwoww, and can perform loosely scripted television a whole hell of a lot better. And I have a prettier face. That is what people tell pretty girls that have curves, in case you were wondering. ;)

And we get to talk to Perez Hilton now. In case you didn't know, this piece of shit blogger thinks he can be the next Simon Cowell. Has even offered to do it for free. I guess that his newest discovery (since HE discovered, Gaga) is Travis Garland, who is better than Timberlake. Which is why we have a tri-spilt screen for the first time in Idol history. He looks like your average frat boy. He has a leather vest with rousching in the back. I don't even know what he was singing about, because I couldn't understand it, and was too busy fuming about what an entire waste of time this season was.

Crystal in Ohio? Somehow I thought I she was Canadian. Did I make that up? Ugh, brush your hair, hippie. How are you tired? You didn't have to wake up early for hair and make up, so STFU. The mayor of Toledo had white washed jeans and a leather vest with a matching leather hat. What a stud. Oh, how clever. Her outdoor performance is called "bowerstock," like "woodstock." Vomit. She wrote a song called "Holy Toledo," and I doubt it is as good as "Cleveland Rocks." And she cries. And I roll my eyes.

Lee is in "Chicago," which really means the 75 miles surrounding Chicago. He throws out the first pitch for the Cubs, and I realize that we are not meant to be. Because only losers like the Cubs. It pisses me off when we see first grade teachers, because what first grade teacher really remembers a kid from 20 years ago? There are girls running around in neon shirts saying "vote lee," and they remind me of the "live girls direct" t-shirts in Vegas. Lee has the biggest crowd, and he totally cries, and so does his dad. Kinda sweet, because I feel like it is genuine with him.

It is 844, and Bieber isn't on yet. WTH?

Yessssssssss. So, in case you don't follow me on Twitter, I babysit my 3 and 6 YO cousins on MWF, and sometimes other days. They are precious, and sometimes we have Justin Bieber dance parties. He is so fricking cute with his lesbian haircut. And everyone who ever performs with him looks like they are having so much fun. That damn "Baby" song is so catchy. I miss the Ludacris part. When I was 13... I had my first love. A lot different from his "Fantasy" song.

Now we got down to the bottom two. At 854. Better than having the losers sit there the whole show. Randy has purple glasses today. First person in is Lee. Duh. His parents are cute. Joining Lee is Crystal, and she asks if that means if she is safe. Yes, hippie. Casey is "thankful for the opportunity," even though he checked out a few weeks ago. His mom or sister is in a really ugly tiered dress. He chooses to sing "Daughters," and mess it up even worse than he did last night. Like, reallllllly mess it up. Geez, dude. You still have the tour. Who is the little girl he picked up? Niece? Ellen is totally crying. That is sweet. I think she is really a good hearted person who feels a connection with these contestants. Good for her. Must be niece, because she could care less about being there, and quickly runs back to mom when the song is done.

In his final video package, Crystal mentions she has a crush on Casey. Which would explain the crying. And then Ryan hits puberty and squeeks through the end.

Does anyone cares who wins? Comment below.

May 18, 2010

Idol Recap- 3

Final three, and tonight we get to see their hometowns. yay. And, each contestant sings two songs, one they choose, and another from a judge. The judges are dressed quite casually, maybe saving it all for next week. Or maybe they are all over it.

Casey's first song is "OK, It's Alright With Me." He wins for longest song title of the night, I bet. I don't think I know this song. I think this is the first time there has been singing in the first 4 minutes in about 5 years. There is only room for one rocker, so Casey better hope that Lee blows it, because that is his only chance. Randy is not a fan. You can tell because he said "listen" more than once. Ellen tries to kill the pain with lots of rhyming. Kara said you should pick something the audience knows and make it your own. Simon calls the song "a salad, because there is something more substantial coming.... but you sounded good."

I was wondering why the Billy Madison weasel and Tom Hank's kid were in the audience. Then I saw the commercial for their new cop show.

Awkward Stool Time with Crystal. She is choosing to sing "Come to My Window," because it "is about passion and love and STUFF." Littlest sister (back from college) yells "don't fuck it up." She doesn't watch much, and would rather be watching the season finale of 90210. "Oh. She does the harmonica too. Of course." :) We don't need close ups of the meth teeth, thanks. It is always hard to judge her performances, because they are always how I thought they would be. But it doesn't mean that it is incredible. I stopped paying attention for a minute. And Simon brought me in when he said that she has never compromised who she is during the season. And then she gives some hippie love philosophy.

One of my readers has a birthday today. So, I would like to take this commercial break to say Happy Birthday to Amanda. :) When can we drink and be merry again?

Awkward Stool Time with Lee. Too bad he is so dull. And, he is going with Lynard Skynard "Simple Man." Good song, and one of my favorites, but I am not at all surprised by the choice. Randy yelled. Ellen said he went from a lamb to a gazelle. Kara totally steals Simon's schtick, and says "round one totally goes to Lee." I hope he calls her out a break. Because that's bullshit. Simon said he was on the money.

Took a nice little break to listen to Neon Trees, a band we discovered at the 30 Seconds to Mars show Sunday night. They are pretty rad, google them.

Casey is singing "Daughters," chosen by Randy and Kara. Ryan asks what Casey "HAS TO DO TO WIN," as if this were a football game, and it was as simple as rushing the quarterback. And to prove it isn't a sport, Kara says he needs to "show his vulnerable side." I don't know that he connected with this song at all. This may be the end of the line for mr. jones. Oh yeah, guitar solo. Why is his light always the cheesiest? I really think it affects his performance. Randy said it fit him like a glove, which it should have, because he picked it. Ellen loved it. Kara said it was vulnerable, and it was a great choice, and Simon laughed. Simon said it was a better choice, but it was a lazy arrangement, and those too should have given him a better vocal. Kara is dumb. She yelled that mellow is how the song is supposed to be, not understanding that Simon isn't saying that he should have changed the song, he said he should have been given a bigger song for a big moment.

I should have laid money on Ellen picking Crystal's song, because it is the least difficult job. "Maybe I'm Amazed," which is one of my favorite songs in the universe. Apparently I missed a dumb face when Kara didn't realize the camera was on her. By the way, why wasn't anyone at Crystal's AT&T commercial shoot? No instrument for Crystal. She stands like a pregnant dude. Yeah, wrap your head around that vision. Wow, yelly mcyellerson. Oh yeah, she's Canadian. Isn't this AMERICAN Idol? (sister laughs)

Lee apparently doesn't have to read his message in from to AT&T. I guess they didn't pay enough for all three. Simon mentions that we have heard this song before, but not how Lee is gonna sing it. "Hallelujah." I don't particularly care for this song. Of COURSE there is a choir. But Simon made sure to keep them low and unobtrusive. Hope you had fun Casey, because your ride ends tomorrow. Probably better for him, so he can have more freedom. Simon looks at Kara like, "THIS is how you do it." The crows goes wild, and is on their feet. Randy loves it. Ellen called it "stunning." Kara says that "he is what the show is all about." I hate how dramatically she approaches the microphone, and then backs off after speaking as if she just announced the cure to cancer. Simon is awesome. And tonight officially decided that I will not watch a single episode when he is gone. Because the rest of these assholes can't do what he does.