July 24, 2009

An Open Lettter to Big Booty Girls

Dear Big Booty Girls,

On this casual Friday, I would like to take a moment to address a few concerns about proper wardrobe. As a big booty girl myself, I understand exactly what you are going through. However, some of you seem to think that you can follow fads, and make them work for you. Allow me to shed some light on this, and let you know how it really is.

Those skinny tapered jeans that the Emo kids wear are NOT FOR US. Anything that is tapered is a no-no. This goes for those old mom jeans that go up to your ribcage. No good. Both styles make you look wider/lumpier. A better fit would be boot cut.

However- for the boot cut, please look at a size BIGGER than the one you usually wear. This helps to prevent the over spill, sometimes known as "muffintop." It also helps to not wear the lowest rise... perhaps the one that hits just below/at your belly button is best. Believe me, it took me awhile to learn this lesson, and half of the University of Arizona saw my whale tail.

Color is an important thing to consider as well. White is not a good jeans color for anyone over a size 2, really. I don't know why they make them. They automatically add a minimum of ten, and maximum of 58 lbs. Also, jeans with intense whiskering, or extreme highlighting are not so great either. On one level, I think they just look trashy. But on a booty conscious level.... they don't work.

Please know, I am not by any means saying that big booties are bad. I have one. Have all my life. No matter how much weight I lose, the booty stays. What I am saying is cherish it. Highlight it. Make it the feature in a positive way!

Thank you for your time,

Ms. New Booty