August 18, 2009

More to Love- Now I know How Joel McHale Feels

YES! I love the episodes where the girls have to judge each other, and point out each other's flaws. :) In this show, they flip a paddle to signify "good wife" and "bad wife."

Kristian- apparently she is crazy and doesn't keep her cool. Duh.
Heather- Good wife, bubbly, fun and huge heart. Why is Malissa being nice? Lauren points out that it isn't about how nice people are, and takes it to the bitch level. :) Because apparently being kind to others is not as important as it is to be able to cook dinner.
That one girl- irrlevant.
Malissa- high maintenance.
Lauren- vulgar. haha.
Mel B.- get ready for the waterworks. you can tell because of the way the music changes. Bad wife. immature. needs more life experience. and voted the worst wife... girl. you are 21. get over it. you are not going to meet the love of your life on a reality show.

heather and mel b get alone dates. lauren is pissed because she has no alone time. because she is a bitch.

Mel B's date---she is so awkward. he needs a lady with confidence, he says... and she asked what he thinks about her... and he runs around the bush. and after a flash to the house, they have belly dancers arrive to the date. good Lord Mel b. get over it. grow a backbone. try some self affirmations. this girl needs a babysitter. she's out.

Heather gets to go somewhere with a ballgown... don't know where. I missed it. (stuff stuff stuff)
Now she gets drilled on what kind of mom she is gonna be. And he says... there is something i need to tell you.. it is weighing on me.. "i have three kids." cricket. cricket. he laughs. He just wanted to break the ice. And now he talks about how he is basically saving her life with his awesomeness. Wow, it must be amazing to be able to make so many people's lives now worth living. I need to meet him so that I can find my purpose in life. VOM. This guy has such a huge ego, it is gross.


Group date... the girls are talking about french kissing him. :) And, they are at a spa. And have to get a robe on and meet by the pool. what is the deal with him wanting them naked all the time. Malissa and him get a little bathroom hot tub action with her tiggo bitties (boyf says _ you notice that they cover his bitch tits with bubbles) popping out. All the girls are jealous. And Lauren asks if they french kissed. And Mandy cries. Guess what. You are on a reality dating show!!!! There is a girl on here who's name i don't know. Because she is irrelevant. OMG IF FOX PUT FOOTAGE OF ME PULLING MY BATHING SUIT OUT OF MY ASS I WOULD SUE. Oh yeah, Mandy gets alone time. She is gonna cry and get whiny. He wants to make out with her... because he is a perv. Apparently, it "did something to [his] heart." Yeah, the heart in his penis. Lauren gets alone time, while the
others play with guacamole... and then Luke hears the fun and ditches Lauren. This is so turtles.

It's mixer time. Lauren gets some alone time.... he totally calls her out for being competitive. Mel B is spying. Umm. Mandy is not big. Like, maybe a size 10 on a bloated day. What the hell? They have a weird moment where he feels like he is hiding something. TWICE NOW, Mel B has said "so do you" in response to "you look beautiful." Um, guys are handsome. And he has changed her life, and she is in love. Anna looks like HELL with no makeup.

Here it is.... ooh. Emme says they could be one step closer to leaving with "their potential husband." Ha. Standard.. this is so hard... jerk, jerk... so close... Heather. i think she may be my new fave. Tali... lets back off on the lipstick. Malissa A. (he played a fun game where he paused, so they had to hear thelast initial). Mandy. Kristian. She is all smiles. Ok, one more... and these girls are nuts. Anna. hahahaha.

Lauren- basically laughs at him. FYI- he didn't choose you because a) you;re psycho. b) you have a boob tat. Mel B.- learn to love yourself. In a few ways. The other girls giggle when she leaves. Sad.

Next week---- drama with the sexy six. They better make this less predicatble. I'm bored.

August 17, 2009

Monday, Monday- can't trust that day...

I was signing in to put up a typical post, bitching about whatever- and I realized this is my 60th post. I feel a little pressure to have this be special... so, when I bitch, I will try to be funny and insert interesting anecdotes. You know, just like Denis Leary (yes, it is one n).

Things that have driven me crazy over the last month:

- When people are late to a meeting/date by more than ten minutes. Even if you let me know you are going to be late, if you do it regularly, I assume you don't value my time. Learn how to schedule better.

- The fact that people think they are ACTUAL FRIENDS with celebrities when they follow them on Twitter. I nearly shit myself when Adam Richman tweeted me back, but I have a clear understanding that we don't actually know each other, and I don't hold him to some weird standard of friendship (like some weirdo creepers on his page do).

- While we are on the subject of Twitter- just because you can put 140 characters up every minute doesn't mean what you have to say is relevant. Anyone can type into a box. Monkeys can do that. Is this person even using English?


-Old people that curse the internet/cell phones/email. I am sure that those wretched automobiles took a little while to get used to as well. But, c'mon. This cursed internet thing isn't going away anytime soon. Either get on board, or STFU. Larry King does it.

- Crappy protest signs. If you want people to think you are legitimate, take the time to : spell check, use a ruler, try a marker.

-The media. Lame reports on shit that isn't news. Kate Gosselin is not news. You know what else isn't news? Taking sound bits from crazy people that just want to stir shit up. Or basically just saying whatever you want to get viewers.

- While we are on lame sound bits- anyone who doesn't actually know anything they are talking about when it comes to politics and world events can STFU. Don't care if you are red or blue, if your statement comes from the land of bullshit, I don't want to hear it.

- Unprofessional relationships with your boss. There is really no reason to be text messaging your boss past 8 pm any day of the work week and anytime that is not between noon and 5 on the weekend (if your job requires that). Especially if your boss is of the opposite sex. Since when is that acceptable behavior?

- People who are never happy. Granted, I bitched this whole post. But, I am a happy person otherwise. I have friends that I adore, a family I couldn't live without, a boyfriend that makes me laugh, and a job that keeps me entertained(with fun co-workers to boot!) All those thongs things are what help me get my head back in the game after a rough day. If every day is a bad day, and nothing makes you happy- figure some shit out, because life could be a whole hell of a lot worse.