May 26, 2010

Idol Recap- The Lamest Finale Since Clay v Rueben

I thought the finale started at 8, like every other vote off episode this season, and I was wrong. So- I missed the first 33 minutes. Feel free to leave what I missed at the bottom. Unless you are one of those people that stopped watching the show, because my blogs are better. In that case, I am sorry for letting you down. Came in just in time to hear the ladies' Christina montage, and hear Christina a little rough through what seemed to be a song that hit her rather emotionally.

Now, the guys are doing a super cheesy 80's montage of Hall and Oates songs. They join them on stage. Mind you - Hall and Oates- great for their time. But we couldn't pull a bigger group for the finale? I guess this answers a few questions... one being: they ARE still alive. Did they perform a few years ago? Or was that on some vh-1 show? In case you wondered, "can I hear these horrible group performances AND watch the ridiculous choreography while drinking $9 sodas in a theater near me?!?!" Ryan gives you info on where to get tickets.

Driving home from watching my cute little cousins today, I was talking to the boyf. He said "I read your blog" (surprise, because he never does) "and you're kind of an asshole." We have been together for 2.5 years people. How is this news? He also started defending Crystal, saying that even though she is a hippie, she has a nice voice. Never really thought I would get the "you're too mean" lecture from him. Lately he has been saying that I am funnier without a job. Probably because now I can sleep through the night without having nightmares.

Jonelle Wheeler is reporting live from a sea of people in Ohio. Who is Jonelle Wheeler? (edit- just googled her. apparently a contestant this season)Oooh- Crystal's dad brought out the leather vest to match his sweet leather bike cap. She is singing "Ironic." And then she introduces Alanis. Another "is she alive?" question answered. And I rolled my eyes when Crystal said "when she go down with you to the theater." Not the line, and good for Alanis for not being the one to placate the man. For the record, I played THE SHIT out of Jagged Little Pill. My 8th grade heart really felt what she was going through, even though I hadn't even kissed a dude at that point. I was a late bloomer, so I had some angst.

Carrie Underwood says, "eff performing something cheesy with the finalists. I need my own song, thank you very much. See these Grammies?" Is that the plural for Grammy? Looks weird. She's a piece. Not piece of work, of ass. ;)

Kris Allen comes back to crown the finalists with their personally designed Ford cars. Lee looks excited, and Crystal gives a look like "I'm not giving up my Schwinn for this." Cue cheesy commercial.

Casey starts to sing "Every Rose Has It's Thorn," and is rocking it. And out comes Bret Michaels, who really should be on bed rest. Has he learned nothing? Is he like Gaga, and he will sleep when he's dead? Would he rather die onstage in front of his fans? She's nuts.

"Celebrity" spotting- Chilli.

Lee Dewyze is singing a Chicago (the band) medley, and it starts with the good stuff. Pre synthesizer. I judge people by which type of Chicago fan they are, "25 0r 6 to 4," or "You're the Inspiration." My preference is the former. And there it is... :) Envision me sitting on my couch rocking out.

Then some dude came in from Chicago, and I got my green beans from the microwave. Came back just in time for a flirty Simon montage. He's so dreamy.

Pants on the ground. Are we done with this yet? I bet he plays this song for his family at every gathering, and his grandchildren are mortified. WTH William Hung.

Paula seems pretty sober. Good for her. And she comes out from behind the curtain to perform. Ellen looks so great in white/ivory. Then Paula makes a really uncomfortable joke about leaving the show because she had Simon's baby. Then rambles.... maybe not as sober as I thought. Awkward. Yay, Simon montage. He's so dreamy.

Dear Kelly Clarkson- I love you. Dear Ruben- nice to see you're alive. Fantasia- you suck. Carrie, hearts. Jordin- You're cute. Taylor Hicks. Kris Allen- where is your album? There are seven.... who is missing? And then lots of runner ups and favorites in white. I guess JHudson, Daughtry and McPhee were busy?? But they got Guarini. From Justin to Kelly is an incredible film. I would look up the Idol that is missing.... but I would also find out tonight's winner if I did.
Boyf did it for me. What State Fair are you at this week, David Cook? Too busy?

Ugh. RUINING Janet's best song. And then she comes out out and is awesome. She's looking good. Singing into a mic AND a mouth piece? Is she planning on ripping off the dress and breaking into dance? I'm a genius. That is exactly what happens. That ass is fierce. Seriously, laser light show is unnecessary. Rocking it, Miss Jackson (cuz I'm nasty).

Montage from the beginning. Then singing "With a Little Help from My Friends"... and Joe Cocker is about to die on the stage. Either Lee's mic wasn't on, or he missed he part in this duet. Seriously. Someone call a doctor. I think Joe needs oxygen.

It's time. Some British guy brings out an envelope. I bet Ryan knows what is in it. Lee is nervous. Crystal wants to get high.... which she can go do, because she lost. Ha. I think that Lee will fit better into the Idol machine, to be honest. Crystal is gonna want to do things her way... and fight the power. Awww, Lee is so cute with his excitement. I'm glad we have a grateful winner. :) He's totally broken up. Cute.

Well, no more Idol blogs. Please leave suggestions for other shows to review below. Kthanxbai.

May 25, 2010

Idol- Just the Two of Us

When I think of the song, Just the Two of Us, I try to forget that horrible Will Smith version. Also- his kid sucks.

This is the last time Simon is judging, and I am sad. :( Not watching the show any more for sure.

Watching the show tonight with the littlest sister. We spent a lovely day watching Supernatural and sun tanning. I am eating a rice krispie treat with m and m's built in, because tomorrow starts my Biggest Loser competition with my mom. Enough yo-yoing. I am going to be hot. See, and now I have written it down, so I have to do it. Feel free to tweet me saying "hey fatty! did you stay away from nachos today?" OR you could be nice and tweet "you go girl!" Or, something more relevant to this time frame.

Speaking of Will Smith's no talent kid, there is the new Karate Kid commercial. Can Hollywood try and make over movies that suck? Like, give a re do on something that Pauly Shore effed up. Or Andy Dick. You catch my drift.

Lee's parents are cute. He is resinging "The Boxer," because the judges loved it. Why not pick a song you really effed up and make it better? Be a man, Lee. Randy said something but I don't care. Ellen loved. Kara babbled. Simon said it was a kiss on the cheeks when he wants a kiss on the lips. Not from him, obvi.

And of course The Dirty Hippie is singing Janis. I'm gonna time out until something relevant happens.

The Executive Producers sing the next round of song. Not just in the "you kids can choose from these" way, in the actually picking way. Lee has "Everybody Hurts." I was going to make a comment about how I needed to feel the hurt, and then he brought it. But he better have a ball busting song in the end, because this is slow and so was the other. The judges agree.

And The Dirty Hippie is singing "Black Velvet." She's gonna fuck it up. Her dress is ugly, and she looks tubby. She also can't walk in high heels. Were "songs from the 90's that shouldn't be covered" on sale this week?

And now the song he would release if Lee won is "Beautiful Day." Because I guess they realized that all the songs they write for the finals suck. But Lee did not show up for this song. It is really a lesser of two evils tonight. The judges rambled, and I looked at pictures of Jared Leto. Simon ends with saying that Lee is what the competition is about.

They go to commercial, and the judges are moving their cups off camera. Apparently Coke didn't pay enough this week. Crystal is singing "Up to the Mountain." She has an ugly floral scarf and a diamond necklace. And weird artsy earrings. This chick is such a fashion train wreck. At this point, I am usually secretly rooting for someone. Honestly, tomorrow I could not watch the show and my life would be no different. I am so disappointed in the piece of shit that American Idol has become. It's all because Ryan works too many jobs. The Hippie is crying, and sealing it up. "Hello!! Nationals!! Platter!!" Name that movie in the comments and you get my approval. That matters to some people. Simon looks pissed. How have I JUST noticed how ugly Randy's jacket is!?! Ellen geeks out over her. Kara geeks out too. Because if the emotion and the blossoming. The Hippie says something nice to Simon and says he's been great. He said it was the song of the night. And it was "outstanding." But I don't really think he believed it. She is so awkward. Did you know she is a mom?

I'm gonna stop blogging so I can read ONTD before Glee. This show sucked.