April 21, 2010

Idol Recap- Idol Gives Back

We start with Ryan standing in a sea of red, white and blue lights. Then, Barry O and Michelle come on, say hi and tell everybody to donate. This is a difficult night to snarkily blog. Because they are doing nice things. :/

The judges are super fancy tonight, but Simon still has his shirt unbuttoned. THe show is being filmed in two locations- with Ryan hosting one, and Queen Latifah at the other. This helps to gain extra sponsorship, ticket sales- and hopefully keep the show running on time. All ten finalists are out in white. Siobhan wears the dumbest outfits. This song is weird, and totally Disney.

Jennifer Garner takes on the first charitable organization, Save the Children. Helps locally to give children in poverty books to help them develop and learn. Jennifer visited a cute little family in Kentucky to show how the program has helped. And then Posh brings out two new BFFs, who have been overly rehearsed their speeches. Ryan Seacrest does not allow on air mess ups- so you better bring your A game.

Jonah Hill and Russel Brand have "offered to gather their famous friends" to run a phone bank. Insert lame and obvious joke- where there really aren't any celeb friends. WE will be checking in with them later.

Black Eyed Peas are up- singing the next song to be ridiculously overplayed by a top 40 station near you. The boys are wearing jackets and pants- and Fergie was apparently channeling her superhero side- wearing knee high boots, a leotard and cape. Oh shit! gold wrist cuffs too!! And there are robots with mohawks and guns. Someone needs to take their decision making powers away from them when they are high. Will.I.Am. is about a beat behind his voice track.

Now its Malaria time. Over the years, Idol Gives Back has been able to cut the number of people dying in half. That's pretty serious. Queen Latifah warns us that it will be hard to watch, and she wasn't kidding. :(

These cheesy bits are always more extreme on IGB night. They "auctioned" the results... and George Lopez was the highest bid. HILARITY ENSUES! George wants to judge the judges. George has a great Randy impression. And calls him out for being retarded. But "since you're the only brother on the show- you are safe." George calls her out for saying that she is always disappointed, etc.- but he has covered his wall with her nudie pictures and is safe." George tells her she is the Kourtney Kardashian of the Idol judges, which is hilarious. Simon is ready to be voted off, and looks at George like "bring it." He is not safe- and told to go to England. But apparently there is a volcano, so he is safe. Whatever.

Ford music video. Guess what- it is lame. Crystal and Casey in the center. That's a lot of alliteration. One is safe, and on one is bottom three for the first time. Casey is bottom three. Aaron and Lee are now center stage. Lee is safe. Duh. One seat is open in the bottom three. "Who will fill that stool?" Ha.

Joss Stone is apparently still relevant, and is singing "I Put a Spell on You." Because why not? Her hair is a normal color again, and is totally straight. She is backed by the Jubilation Choir, and the whole thing seems really out of place.

Dear Morgan Freeman- I love you. Please stay healthy forever. Morgan and Randy hung out in Mississippi to see what was going on. Save the Children has helped a small town here too. This program is one of the most successful in the country, and uses health and exercise training to increase benefits of education.

You can text your donation, and having learned a lesson from all the kids that texted to Haiti relief on their parent's bill- you can only text three times per phone.

Alicia Keys is performing and is super hot. She's really just stunning. She sings some song I don't know, and then she sings New York without Jay Z. I was kinda waiting for him to come out. But that didn't happen.

Back to the "phone bank" with a bunch of lame fakers, except for Slash. And crazy Tatianna from last year. And Octomom and a few kids.Really, she was there. Then Jim Carrey comes in and noticed that it's D list and runs. So lame and unfunny.

Queen Latifah is there with Common to promote their new movie, and introduce Carrie Underwood. She has a really pretty dress on. She is singing an inspirational song of some sort, that I don't know because the only country I listen to is Brad Paisley. Because he is cute and funny and romantic. :) Apparently the song had something to do with the difference 36 cents makes.

Ellen got to hang out with David Arquette, who has been spending his time out of the spotlight helping Feeding America, a food bank. Ten dollars can buy a crap ton of food. Elliot Yamin creeps me out. Surprise! It is going to go late.

Bill Gates talks global health care. I can't blog this anymore. I'll tell you who's out.

One more to add to the bottom-- Siobhan is safe. Mike is safe. Tim is bottom. Are we surprised at all?

More really upsetting stuff that I can't really deal with. And no, Annie Lennox is not really HIV Positive.

Not ok with a random group of fools doing Stairway to Heaven. It is 857, and this song isn't short. Is this ending at 930?And thank you for cheapening it even further with your electric light show, Idol.

We are at 9:16- and going to commercial break. Seriously?!?!?!?! Someone at Idol needs to be fired. Check it- you know the run time of the produced video pieces. You know the run time of the performances. You know how long the bits are supposed to be. You tell the comedian he has 3 minutes, and schedule 5. You cut the drama with the reveal, and just tell us the bottom three. THERE IS NO REASON THAT YOU SHOULD BE RUNNING OVER- AND 25 MINUTES IS INSANE.

Aaron is safe for one more week. What? Tim Urban is out. Casey is safe. Well, it was a pretty long ride for someone that landed here with a fluke.

24 minutes over.

April 20, 2010

Idol Recap- Ryan Seacest Is Not Your BFF

Apparently there was some drama last week, and Bowersox nearly quit the show. Ryan Seacrest talked her down from the ledge- and she was surprised it still made headlines. Hey, guess what? YOU'RE ON A TV SHOW! YOUR LIFE IS NO LONGER PRIVATE IF IT CAN GET RATINGS!

To save time, the judges don't make the grand entrance. And everyone BUT Ellen is wearing some sort of vest/sweater cardigan thing. Odd. I really like Ellen in ivory. Not everyone can wear it- most look like they are channeling Saturday Night Fever.

This week is Idol Gives Back-so look for some extra sappiness. Alicia Keys is the mentor- because she does charity stuff. Which I didn't know, because she doesn't pull a Sean Penn and tell the world she single handeldy saved a small country. So, with this theme- come songs that are inspirational.

Casey is bringing us "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." Alicia had a great point- he needs people to say "I Like Him!" not "I Like This Song!" He did not do that. And the judges agreed. In fact- Simon called it lazy. I would have rather he did "This Is It," by Kenny Loggins. Because I LOVE Kenny Loggins. But- I'm really happy because my sister delivered nachos to me on her way to darts!

Awkward Stool Time with Lee Dewyze- this season's "regular guy." He will be singing "The Boxer," because it inspired him to learn how to play guitar. These mentor recaps have been significantly shorter. Damn you Idol audience and your LAME hand waving. I like the rougher version of this. Not as sing songy as the original. Randy says he loves him, no homo. Ellen loves his soul and depth and it's his best performance by far. Kara likes to disagree with Simon- even before he says anything. THIS week is his best performance, not the one Simon said. Simon loved it- sincere, emotional, and made it sound relevant. BRILLIANT. How come Simon can say brilliant without it seeming condescending or overdone?

Goo Goo Dolls and R. Kelly are coming up-- and so are Tim and the 16 YO. Money that the old beyond his years kid is singing "I Believe I Can Fly." He definitely won't be singing "Trapped in the Closet, Pt 3." But wouldn't be awesome if he did? What a ridiculous fiasco that was. But I watched every single one, like a sucker. Like a SUCKER! How does it END, R. Kelly?!?!

Tim is singing "Better Days," and Alicia reminds him not to trail off and lose it in the chorus. This kids gets too close to the mic. This is a new side to Tim- a little more grown up, and not as showy. Yo- check it out-for me. Ellen again with the metaphors says today he is the soup of the day, which is not a soup she likes. I wonder what that is? I don't particularly care for soup myself. Chef's choice makes me nervous. Kara gives actual feedback- and says while he has found the right style, but the execution was there. Simon says he doesn't know he buys it.

Aaron- hahahaha. WILL be singing "I Believe I Can Fly." Alicia basically looks at him like "boy, please." With the strings. So lame. I think this is the 19th time that Randy has told him he has a huge voice. Ellen makes a 70's drug reference- which is awesome. :) Jenny thought she could fly too... remember, Ellen? Kara said it was like a plane taking off a runway... leave the metaphors to Ellen. Because you are actually using really lame similes. Similes use like or as, Kara. So if you're going to be a copycat- at least do it right. Simon said there are two ways to look at it 1- looking at him and liking him, and 2- listening as if they never met him. So basically- since they like you , it was tolerable.

When Simon leaves Idol- can we have 2 hour episodes of Glee instead?

Siobhan is singing "When You Believe." Alicia finds her "money spot," and encourages her to take the "moment." Step back from the mic. Ugh. She has butterflies on her shoulders. Who approved this? Wardrobe are you TRYING to get rid of her? I don't like her. Oh shit, the butterflies go down her arm. Really? AND UP TO HER HAND. Glad to see that the Siozombies didn't catch on. Randy was meh. Ellen loved it, because what else is she going to say? Kara said she still doesn't know who she is. Simon says the butterflies looked like leaves, and were distracting. STOP TALKING. I just love the song. Well, I am glad that you are having fun- because we aren't. Get the hell over yourself, you aren't curing cancer. I will forget you in three months. Glad you are getting to live your dream- but it ends if you don't stop being so self- indulgent.

Awkward Stool Time with Bog Mike. Apparently he has been keeping a running list of songs he wanted to do on Idol. He is singing "Hero," which was used to promote the SUPER hero Spiderman. So clever! He does a great job taking these really rock songs and softening the edge a little. This is ok. The background singers are a little lame. Kara hated it. Simon says tonight was supposed to be inspirational and it was about Spiderman.

Way to play a Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers commercial. If she had gone on it before the show- maybe she would have won. Burn. But it shows that even if you don't take home the grand prize- you can still be a star. :)

Crystal "i don't know if I can take this anymore" Bowersox is singing without an instrument for the first time. She is singing some kind of gospely song that I am kind of familiar with. And she totally cried at the end. Like, can barely finish it. Randy has to remind her that he has loved her since day one. Ellen says she is beautiful and noticed her bong like mic stand. Kara says they call her Mama Sox because she schooled everyone. Simon was glad to see emotion, because she had been closing off. She is fake hugging Ryan, and asks to use his hanky. He says he thinks it is taped in. She says "hollywood." He snarkily says "that's where we are." Yeah- which means that nothing you say to Ryan is off limits, lady. Good thing you cried and used the church songs to distract the fact that you are a little ungrateful for an opportunity that millions ask for. :)

And They are 4 minutes over. Not cool, it's Madonna night.