March 11, 2009

It's Been a Long Time- Shouldn't Have Left You, Without a Dope Beat to Step to

GeeeeeZo! It has been over a week since I blogged last. I am an asshole. What have you been doing all this time... You probably just went on living your lives. It's cool.

So, here is a little more serious a topic. This weekend, I went to a friend's bachelorette getaway. I knew that it wasn't going to be the most smooth of weekends, as there were 11 girls hanging out. And at least two of them bring drama with them wherever they go. I expected this. Don't get me wrong, it was a blast! I made some new friends, relaxed by the pool, and sent my friend off into married lady land with a bang. There was only one thing that was really wrong. The two pre designated drama makers did just that. And the married one nearly cheated on her husband. (I will pause while you all gasp, and get comfortable to read the rest).

Our hotel was great, everything we needed was there (minus a mcdonalds). Food, pool, club, etc. It was great to never leave. On Friday night, we all got in. After some awesome sushi, we went upstairs to get a little pre-drinking action on, and ended up meeting a bachelor party just a few doors down. As most of those guys were married/committed, and most of us were the same we took a liking to each other. It was comfortable and fun, without the "aww yeahh, I'm gonna get some" vibe in the air. We all went down to the club to party. That is where we lost some people. One was drunk and wandered back to the room. She was fine. No worries. Two others decided to go on a man hunting mission. Cool, whatever... but one was married. At the end of the night, we found out that she had ended her evening in the hot tub with a random dude. HUH!?

The room I was in (the coolest of all of them), could not get over this. What would possess you to get into a hot tub ALONE with someone that was not your husband? ESPECIALLY if you were hammered. This was the rumbling all day.

When we all finally gathered for dinner on Saturday, the tension was palpable. At first, I thought it might just be my room that was upset, and then I found out that pretty much everyone was pissed. Especially after the douchebag guy in question came to the married skank at dinner, and smooched and fondled all over her. Done. We were over it. Especially since her husband is the only reason anyone talks to this skeeze (otherwise, she basically sucks at life). Then she and her partner in crime head over to the bar with McDouche to go chat up some other dudes, including a basketball star.

I could give a play by play... but it would make you puke. Fast forward to the night at the club. We have all now made it there, but again lose the skeeze. One of my new friends and I decide to go on a spy mission. We are the two that are not connected to the group, and the obligatory nature of it, so we figure, if we see her doing something shady, we can call her out. We don't have to see her again, what the hell. Instead, we find pure word vomit from McDouche.

McDouche is entertaining a table of guys, and does not see/recognize us. We stand there, pretending to apply gloss, look at the pictures from the evening, etc. Here is his story:

"So last night, I am in the hot tub with this chick. She is in her thong and bra, and we head upstairs. I am PRAYING that no one is in my room. We open the door, and there is my friendly fucking roommate. He's all "hey guys!" and I'm like, "fuck." Then he's all, "are you guys hungry!?" and she's all "yeah!" and we order roomservice. She was hot yo, and all my friends were like, "dude, how'd you land that chick?" and I was all "right?!!" She is here with a bachelorette party and they are all Delicious. I could go point her out to you, she's inside. I have about like, 25 girls I chatted up today. Let's finish this smoke, get another drink and then check out the chicks."

At this point, the guys he is entertaining understand that he is a total tool. And say.... "nah man, I think we are gonna leave."

We immediately go inside and share our info. One of the girls lets the skeeze know that McDouche is telling everyone at the bar how he was this close to banging her.... her response: "but we didn't even kiss." Wait, what? Ohhh... that's right... there's the whole clause of if you are in your thong in a hot tub with a stranger letting him grope you, and then take you upstairs it is totally cool as long as there was no kissing. Forgive me, I forgot that one. You're off the hook skeeze. (pause) NOT!

A big drama fest ensued, with the maid of honor telling her she would punch her in the face if she hurt the husband. The other bridesmaid quite matter of factly told her that her actions were inappropriate. She of course, decided that she would be mad at that one, you know, the one that wouldn't kick her ass. More girl drama bullshit- "we're leaving first thing in the morning, blah blah....."

She called her husband that night to tell her version of the story, and prepare him for the possible onslaught of angry calls. Don't know if it happened.

I think it is disgusting. How bout YOU!?!?