February 27, 2009

I Thought I Was Competitive

So, those who know me know that I am extremely competitive. Not only am I competitive in games, etc, but I compete with myself as well. For example- I have to carry ALL my grocery bags in from the car in ONE trip.

Today, on the freeway, I saw a guy with a personalized plate of "LUV2WIN." Or something like that. I got my phone to take a picture, and then this piece of shit 90's convertible cut me off. Bastard. The point- I am not as competitive as that guy.. maybe.

One guy that I can say with most certainty is (was) more competitive than me is this guy. Sergey Tuganov. This crazy Russian was bet $3400 that he could not satisfy two ladies with a half day sex marathon. After downing a full bottle of Viagra, he did. He won. Aaaaaaand subsequently died of a heart attack.

At least he went out with a bang. (ba dump bump)

February 26, 2009

The King of Lies is More Like It

I was having a rough day. So, I decided to drown my sorrows and indulge in some crappy food, as I am a certified emotional eater. Looking for something quick and easy, Caryn and I headed to our local Burger King. Upon walking in... I remembered the ANGRY WHOPPER. For those of you unaware, it is a new burger there that is supposed to be so hot, that flames shoot our of your mouth. Here is the video proof:

I ordered it, with onion rings and a diet coke. Before you judge, I like the taste of diet better, and I do like to show SOME moderation. Anyhow. I sat down, practically drooling as I looked at the pepper jack cheese, jalapenos and "secret spicy sauce." Gotta tell ya - it wasn't really spicy. Like, not even Pace medium salsa spicy. Granted, I grew up in the A.B.Q., but I was disappointed. On the upside, the incredibly pleasant cashier at the home of the (not-so-spicy) Whopper gave me dipping sauce for my onion rings... ahhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaah. It tasted like the blooming onion dip, and I am sure that I will now have a block of cellulite on my upper left thigh to prove that I enjoyed it. Oh well, I am in a better mood now.

OH! So- I just found out that there is an "ANGRY GRAM" website... apparently "the perfect way to tell someone they annoy the hell out of you." Rad. Please don't send me hate mail.

February 24, 2009

I'm not really listening

I am becoming more like my father every day. I just don't really have the time/desire to listen to rambling stories. Even though I ramble myself.... Well, at least my stories are interesting. ;) Here are a few times that I can tell you, with about 95% certainty, that I am NOT listening:

- I walk into your office with a strict purpose, and you chose to discuss something totally unrelated, at length.

- Your story fails to get to a point... OR you have a point, but tell the story in such a monotonous way, that I can't tell when you are getting to the end of it... so that I can pretend like I was listening.

- If I have heard this story before.

- If I am watching television.

- If I am on facebook.

- If I am changing lanes on the freeway.

- If you have called, and I answer (knowing that sending you to voice mail is not an option)- immediately telling you that I am making dinner, in the bathroom, etc - and you chose to spend more than your allotted 45 seconds to tell me why you are calling.

- If I know that I will never be held accountable for remembering it.

- If I know that I am going to hear it again... either by just merely being present when you are telling someone else, or you forgetting you told me in the first place.

So, I am kind of a jerk like that. I don't find it irrational though, to ask of you to speak briefly, or at the very least, make it interesting. As someone who has a tendency to ramble, I have learned to "know my audience." I ask you to do the same.


February 23, 2009

So- I am changing the blog

So, a few months ago, I created this account. The idea was to have it kinda work like a diary... and just bitch about all kinds of stuff. Well. Not only did I NOT really ever get on here to bitch... but I realized that I really do like to amuse people with my ramblings, and it is a lot harder to have random strangers on the internet pay attention to me than I thought. So, friends, and fellow blog friends, feel free to read. And comment. And teach me how to have a cooler blog.