April 22, 2009

The Last Dance for Two of the Three I Hate Most on Idol

Well- you get a double blog today. Just posted my experience about working with a bear, because I am ridiculous.

The opening on Idol tonight was so funny dramatic, and just proved the Lil is an idiot, AND a bitch.

I think Ryan just may have said that Paula choreographed tonight. This is a fun little segment- part "pimp Paula" and part "now that the blind guy is gone, we can get freaky." You forgot about the blind guy , didn't you?!?! Also- I don't think Adam has ever done hard labor in his life. Bottom all the way.

So- they are wearing ridiculous outfits. And we are back to the pre-recorded medleys- because obviously people can't sing and dance at the same time. Oh. Wait. It's called Broadway and it is totally possible. THOSE people are real performers. Holy shit this is awful. Things we know: Adam has got the hip action down- Matt is good pre-recorded- Danny Gokey should break a leg before the tour and stop this dancing nonsense- Paula is really trying to show her (limited) value this year- and apparently there were other disco artists than Donna Summer (that's for you, Kenn)- and Kris is adorable in anything.

So- just got a google message from the boyf, telling me he knew who was kicked off tonight. I told him that I already knew one, since my NY friend spilled the beans on Facebook. She is a crazy Matt fan, so she dialed for two hours on her NY phone, and then two hours on her AZ phone for Matt. I am telling you- saving him last week was totally part of the plan, and his fans (like my crazy friend) made it happen. He is safe. And I know one of the people who leaves. I made it clear that I want the rest to be a surprise. I think from here on out, I will have to avoid all social media on Wednesday nights. Because people really show their cuckoo colors now. This friend is one of theose Idol fans I make fun of (to her face, don't worry) because they really get attached to people. I won't name her- but she can own it in the comments if she wants.

These Ford commercials are tardo. And these are the worst lip synchers in the world. I love that most of them are in on the joke, and totally laugh. When do those stop? Isn't Ford bankrupt yet? Or are these marketing dollars really worth it?

Lil- has terrible huge earrings. The lights are too low... Ryan totally cock teases her... says "you really want this don't you.... we really need someone like you.... come over here." She is taken to the other side of the stage. And then he says "Lil Rounds, so tough- mother of three- and BIG LOSER BECAUSE SHE IS OUT." Wow. Just ripped it like a band-aid. NOW I am cranky, because Lil was the one I didn't know went home. Well, I mean I KNEW because I can predict the movements ofAmerica. So, essentially the rest of the evening is just watching the episode, knowing what is going to happen.

Blah blah blah. Send her home already. Where is the video montage?! Waa waaa. Also- her hair looks better longer, for sure.

Okay- now we have a medley of disco singers from "before we were born." BTW Ryan- YOU are old. Last time I checked, Disco was alive in 1974 . "Band of Gold" Lady- Botox forehead- nice arms- tiggo bitties. Working hard for the money, so you better treat her right. Song is a little long... she is too od to keep pace with this and is panting from too much choreography. Thelma Houston with a dead bird on her head, and totally missed her intro. "Don't Leave Me This Way." She says "Simon, please don't leave me this way." Love it. Her boobs look like they are trying to make an exit. KC without the Sunshine Band. I hate that stupid earring. You would think he gave it up by now. He has some old lady dancers, nice work.

I am really excited for this "Glee" show.

So- here we go... Kris is safe. Duh. Now we talk to Adam.. blah blah... "risk" blah blah "lyrics." Thanks Ryan for curtly telling him to take a seat because he is safe. Danny Gokey, ass clown extraordinare. Whoa... Simon just licked his lips and it made me feel funny. Oh Jesus- the clumsy thing.... apparentlythe "bloggers" thought is was harsh. NOT THIS BLOGGER. Danny says he meditated on it. blah. blah- ass clown is safe. Surprise.... he is so excited, but it is really just postponing the inevitable. Anoop- Did his eyebrows grow from last night!? Ryan is "getting right to it" tongiht. I like the take charge attitude. Allison- and Matt please stand. Allison's hair looks semi- normal. I mean, for fuschia hair. Matt- the thing on his forehead bothers me. And he looks like he is gonna cry. He is so goofy. One of these tow schmoes is bottom two. And Matt is totally safe. Wow. I thought he was gonna be in the bottom and then saved... but he is not even there... WOW. Simon really put the fear in the Matt fans. My aforementioned friend actually fell asleep cell phone in hand. They are dedicated. And, it is time for Allison to get a reality check, and stop dressing like a little girl going ape shit in her mom's closet .

David Archuleta sucks. My sister (the Marine) stopped by to borrow my camera and saw him. She said "why does he need a girl back up singer? He IS a girl." HE WAS JUMPING ON THE STAGE. Lame. Blah Blah.

Here is a random story that is more interesting than Idol. Apprently, the parents got the garage floor recovered today. As it was drying, a brave lizard thought he would travel across it, and got stuck. My sister didn't want to smash it and ruin the wet floor. But couldn't peel it either. She asked my dad what to do, and he said to wait until it died to clean it up. My sister said "It could take three days." My dad said, "well it's his fault." Haha. My dad is an ass.
Apparenlty his $900 floor > a lizard's life.

Anoop goes home. Thank goodness. We hear him sing one last time, and then he says he is ready to go home to Chapel Hill and rake in a good few good lays before he falls off the face of the Earth.

Here is a joint goodbye montage. I would be PISSED if I was around this long, and was part of a joint montage. Well- at least we ended on time.

Okay- so sister says..."wait, what's her name?" I say "Lil." She stares. Much like the boyf did a few weeks ago when he asked the same question. To her, I said... "Lil- Like Phil and Lil." And my sister smiles and says "she was named after a Rugrat ?"


Gomba said...

bahaha, was that the twin or the marine who asked if she was named after a rugrat?

Now I'm tempted to name my children after rugrats....

Marissa said...

it was the marine.. and if you don't name your kids Chuckie and Angelica- you are dead to me.