April 29, 2009

love in an elevator

The title is a little misleading. Because I did not experience "love" in the elevator this morning... I experienced nausea from walking into a fart zone. I was coming back from a meeting off site and walked into the elevator as a dude made a quick exit. I now know why he was so quick to exit- he farted in there. This leads me to educate people on proper elevator ettiquette. Here goes:

- Obviously, don't fart in the elevator. Apparently some people need to be reminded.
- When you enter, create balance and space with the others in the elevator. There is nothing worse than two people in an elevator standing right next to you. Don't get all up in mah grill in an enclosed space.
- If you are towards the top floor, don't stand near the door. I work in a building with 30+ floors. I exit on the first floor of my elevator bank, yet am frequently pushed to the back corner so that people who exit on the last stop can stand up front. I then have to squeeze by them to exit. Which leads me to the next one....
-If you are stuck up front, and it isn't your floor- pop OUT to let people out. It is much nicer than squishing your ass into the person already squished in the corner. Simply keep your hand in front of the door, and it will stay open. That gives it the added bonus of people thinking you are a lady/gentleman, when really you are just trying to get back in.
-If the elevator is full, wait for the next one. This is a rule i follow based on an irrational fear from childhood. I used to read those "Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" books. One time I read this story called Room for One More, and it haunts me to this day. Every time someone says that, I politely smile, say "no thanks," and wait for them to plummet to their deaths.
-If the button is lit, don't push it again. It doesn't make it go faster.

I could go on, but you get the idea. So, please, the next time you take an elevator ride, please think of the possibility of someone entering after you, and pinch that fart back.

1 comment:

melissa said...

I am totally going to print this up and post it on the doors of our elevators! Except the last one, I am guilty of the obsessive button pushing :(