July 27, 2009

I Used to LIKE The Dentist

Dear Dental Hygienist,

We have know each other for over 12 years now, and although we only see each other every 6 months, I feel like we have a good realtionship. You tell me stories about your kids (that you mention less now that they are older) and I pretend like you care when you ask how work is. You have seen me grow through High School and College, and now as a young professional. It is now then, that I ask you to stop nagging me about flossing like I am 6, and to stop punishing me by attacking my gums to teach me a lesson.

My family has all used your services. I have stuck up for you when they called you the Nazi, and they switched to another hygienist in the office. I figured they just didn't brush as often as I did, and I (especially the last few years) have had wonderful check ups. 27 years without a cavity should say something (knock, knock). But now that it is two hours after my appointment, and I am still tender- I felt I should let you know a few things.

One- People like you make it tough for people to come back to the dentist regularly. There are many people that go YEARS between check ups. I have never missed an appointment, and I felt guilty when one time I went 8 months between cleanings. I brush twice every day, and I wear my bite guard to prevent the grinding. Even with this track record you condescendingly berate me for my not so stellar flossing. Guess what!? Those last few times when you said I had been doing a really great job flossing.... I had been- FOR A WEEK BEFORE SO YOU DIDN'T NAG ME! Apparently one really good week makes up for 5 months without it. :) This time, I got busy and forgot, and honestly didn't expect that that much "calcification" had built up. But you sure showed me- by digging your scraper into every area of my gums. I can only imagine what it would be like if I had waited two years... I probably would have had to be placed under anesthesia! So- maybe lighten up a little on the scrapping.

Next- You have a super high tech system that tells you every tooth's history, can't it also tell you that I despise cherry polish? I believe I have said something at least 4 times. I swear that last time you made a note. But today, instead of minty freshness, I got that lame cherry bubble gum. I am an adult. Seriously.

Also- When you floss for me to finish out the torture session, it isn't a race. You don't need to jam the floss in... Have you thought that the harsh way you S&M my teeth with the floss might be part of the reason that I I don't like to do it myself?

Finally- When the dentist comes in to do his final overview, you don't need to rat me out to him about the flossing, I get it. Next time, why don't you just floss me and say "just WAIT till the dentist hears about THIS." That's pretty much what it feels like.

I will see you again in 6 months. Please be sure that you have paid attention to my suggestions. If not, next time I am switching ladies too.




Anonymous said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

steph said...

Oh, Marissa... I am a flosser. You should floss. It's fun, and it makes your gums smile.

I'm with your hygienist on this one... and I've had a gajillion and one cavities.

melissa said...

I had a hygienist that would just rip my gums apart with that little hook.

I shiver just thinking about the dentist.