October 12, 2009

I'll be right baaaaack

So, let's forget the fact that I didn't blog for almost a month. I'm sorry.

After seeing Paranormal Activity this weekend, and STILL being creeped out by it while at work TODAY, I decided to lay out all my fears that have been caused by scary movies and stories. Mind you, I love scary movies. I am even the President of a, minorly inactive, Scary Movie Club. But, it still doesn't mean I don't get freaked out.

I have been debating on how to lay this out--- so let's go chronologically.

Growing up, we always watched horror movies. Loved them. I remember one summer night at about 7, my sister and I begged my dad to tell us a scary story. Can't really tell you the details, other than in the story, a monster grabbed the feet off of children that let their limbs hang off the bed. To this day, I keep all limbs ON the bed, and about 5 years ago was when I stopped JUMPING out of bed to avoid being grabbed. Thank you very much, Pop. I think that incident is why I HAVE to pull up my feet when I am scared. All of my neuroses can be traced back, I swear.

I think I can thank Child's Play for my fear of dolls. Well, that and the Twilight Zone episode with the ventriloquist dummy. Another set of films I can blame my dad for showing me. I remember being in bed the night my mom gave birth to my littlest sister, and seeing Chucky in my curtains. To this day, it freaks me out to put my back up against the driver seat ( I think he stabs someone through the seat in #2- YES, I went back for more).

I can't blame my dad for all of this. I brought a great deal on myself, reading all of the Fear Street books, as well as Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. The one that sticks with me the most was the "there's room for one more." I swear I may have linked it in a previous blog. Anyway, it is about 7 paragraphs long, so go for it. The basic story, is this guy has a dream where a man in a hearse drives up and says- "there's room for one more." The next day, the guy goes to get into a full elevator, and the SAME GUY from the dream says to him "there;s room for one more." He declines and, spoiler alert: the elevator plummets to the ground and kills everyone on board. I get on an elevator a minimum of 4 times a work day. I never get on when it is full, and i jump off if anyone says "there's room for one more. "

You know those kids that would say "bloody mary" or candyman into the mirror? Not me. Ever. Never ever ever. Because the Candyman makes me cry. Seriously, I cried during Final Destination because that scary fucker was the coroner. Anyway, I have convulsions when anyone around me even STARTS the Candyman chant. Note: this is not an open invitation to do this around me--- if you do, it is an open invitation for me to kick you in the balls/uterus. I am tougher than I was as a kid.

The scariest Steven King movie ever was the made for tv version of "The Shining." I know that it follows the book a LOT better than the Jack Nicholson movie. Of course, I can only guarantee that of the first 400 pages, because after two years of reading it- I am still not done, too scared. At least I keep it out of the freezer (15 pts to whomever gets the reference). Anyhow... because of that movie, I always open the shower curtain when I am scared. That way, I know that when I go into the bathroom at night, a partially decayed hag won't try to kiss me. Also- because of that movie, long hotel hallways CREEP me out.

I can blame the Scream series for a lot. Including my fear of looking into a backyard at night with a pool glowing (kinda sucks when you live in Phoenix), and my fear of large public restrooms. I am waiting for a killer to be hiding on a toilet, or in the next stall. Makes it really fun to go to the bathroom AT the movie theater around scary movie time. I also can't say that I will "be right back." Because---- what if I am just ASKING the killer to come for me?

Because of the movie Urban Legend, I have to check the backseat of my car 46 times before I get in. AND don't even get me started on the flip out that ensues if "Total Eclipse of the Heart" comes on.

I saw The Ring in college with a sorority sister. Four days later, we both got nose bleeds. We decided to go somewhere public on the 7th day, so that the creepy well girl would have to attack us with a large group around. Don't know what was more awkward, the fact that we ACTUALLY believed that was a good plan, or the fact that it was a kinda set up date with me and this kid I used to be in love with in HS. That movie also make it hard for me to go into any room where the tv is fuzzy, or the lights are flickering. Shortly after seeing the film, I was peeing in the back stall of the sorority house bathroom, and the lights started to flicker and the radio was losing reception... I nearly ran out with my panties around my ankles.

After Paranormal Activity, I will never again think "stupid a/c" when my roommate's bedroom door slams unexpectedly. I will now run out of the house thinking it is a demon. I'm not giving anything away, I promise. Also- the next time I wake up randomly at 2:43am, 3:15 am and again at 4:06 am..... I am gonna call in a demonologist. Also- go see it. It will be worth your $9.50.

Any recommendations on a film that will give me another crazy quirk?

1 comment:

melissa said...

Michael saw Paranormal Activity by himself this weekend, because HELL NO was I going to see it. I was scared in Zombieland.

But Michael did tell me about it. He was terrified, which kind of amused me. I had a plan to wake up in the middle of the night and just stand at the foot of the bed to freak him out. Knowing I would be too lazy to play this trick, I told Michael about it. It is the thought that counts. For the next hour before we went to bed he was like " You aren't really going to do it, right? Like, you wouldn't really do that?"

He was scared that I would try to scare him. It was so cute!