May 6, 2009

Let's just throw a bunch of random performances together and call it a show (idol vote off recap)

After some good Mexican food, on Seis de Mayo, and some Lie to Me, it is time for the Idol vote off night.

These recaps are amazing... so dramatic and cheesy. They even catch the boyf's attention... until he realizes it.. and then says " I can't watch this fucking shit." haha. We are now sitting on the couch with our laptops (brought mine because I am not compatible with his Mac) while I watch Idol, and he listens to real music on the super rad high tech headphones I got him for Christmas.

I wonder what it is gonna be like when they have a "green finale." How can they produce a show without the streaming lights and the the music, etc...?

Ooooh Daughtry tonight. And Paula Abdul will perform.... I hope it is "Opposites Attract." M.C. Scat Kat is rad.

Cheesy ford-commercial... these are a perfect example of how American Idol ruins rock and roll. And now.. Slash joins the kids for "School's Out." Another classic on the Dazed and Confused soundtrack. Hahaha. Adam just sway-swaggered on stage. And those pants make his hips look wide. There is a weird brother/sister vibe with Danny and Allison- except that Danny thinks she is hot. It creeps me out. I am so sick of these cheeeeeesy graphics on the screens. There is no need for fake flames, and geometric shapes.

Slash has some super secret album that unites him with some amazing vocal talent... that he can't release to us yet. Lame. I hate it when people try to create interest by saying " I can't tell you." I usually say... "whatever, then don't." It is my coy way of pretending I don't care- and then damage their ego, and then they tell me anyway and I win. :)

So I was really frickin excited for Glee... until I find out that I will be cock teased with an episode, and then nothing for three months. I don't do well with that.

Let's ask everyone how they feel about the Wednesday night elimination. Basically so that it can be used against them when they are in the bottom. I love that Adam says he loved his song.. and he loved his outfit.. giggle. Danny tried to remove the foot from his mouth, and said when he watched the tape, he realized he was awful. And then he pretends to make fun of himself, and I just want to punch him. I won't even type it. Then Allison tells everyone that Simon was asking for it last night. And then drop the "JC" bomb and gets muted... hm.

Paula... is using the "phelanger/reverb thing" (edit: flanger) tonight. Thanks boyf. She isn't even lipsynching right (edit: apparently boyf thinks he needs to be credited for this). If she just wanted to put on a bunch of sequins and dance with some gay dudes, she could have just invited Clay, Adam and David Archuleta over for a slumber party. HAHAHAHA. Now she is dancing/crawling through Disneyland fake fire n(sheets in Pirates), and jumped from an elevated platform, a la Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (yes- that is the link to the DTV Dance off). Gentlemen- she is just here for the music- not their advances. Hahaha.

Wow. It is amazing to see Paula clean. Good for her. Are they gonna talk about it?! Are you going to really do an interview Ryan, and go all Frost/Nixon on her? Nope.

How did I miss that No Doubt was performing? Wanna know something about Gwen Stefani? Her vocals suck live. I have heard it from numerous people. And here is the proof. Why the middle school flashback? Are they back togehter? Hey, if she isn't hanging out with Gavin Rossdale does that mean there is an opening? Gwen spazzes out onstage- getting the boyf's attention as he asks "is she on meth?" She then "pretends to be punk." It is such a put on. My how the mighty have fallen. Make it end. "want to know what is amazing? Mic Jagger is like, 90 years old and he can run across the stage just like her, and sound amazing..... I wish Simon would critique this. "- this right here is an example of why I love my boyf. Apparently they are doing a tour to get inspiration for a new album. Lame. Why is that dude wearing striped pants and a tutu? Stop trying so hard. You can't tell me that is really YOU.

This background music makes me mental. Interesting... the contestants are hanging out backstage... We get to see the last few years of "semi-finals home visits." Whatever happened to Bo Bice? Is he living in a double wide with four kids yet? There are some people on there I don't recognize. The finalists will be announced in random order, like they always are. But they want to make it clear now, so that people stop blogging about their methods.

Dim the lights- Allison- her hair looks dumb. Danny- sucks. Adam- Does not look good in HD. I remember this every time I watch it on a fancy tv. Kris- or LL Cool Kris, because the ladies are loving him. Who is safe... bump bump... bump bump.... bump bump.... bump bump... Kris. And he does the Miss America hands over mouth shocked face. Honestly the best thing I have seen on this show in weeks. His wife is going ape shit (apes don't have tails- monkeys do- learned that today) even though they haven't put "Kris's wife" in the lower third of her screen since week 2.

These Nikon commercials where Ashton Kutcher pretends like he is a single ladies man make me nuts. I know that he and Demi are private people, but I really think they make a nice couple, and I don't think he should feign singledom.

The contestants are backstage, so that we can do a Chris Daughty re-cap. Please try to tell me he hasn't changed. So- when I see the video of him and Katherine McPhee where he gets sent homeit kills me. If looks could kill- McPhee'd be lying on the floor. Heart, that is a real rock band. Chris talks about wanting to be in a band, and not a solo artist, and then they show his first album cover... with him in the forefront and blurry bandmates in the back labeled DAUGHTRY. Yeah, I believe that. What is wrong with his mike (edit: mic, m-i-c, what is wrong with his band member!?!? thanx boyf) It is creepy how perfect his chin beard is. And his eyebrows. Is his sister a waxer? The boyf sees it and says "I am going to grow a chin strap." Veto. Good thing I know he is only kidding. And also- he couldn't grow it if he wanted to. The bass player has a great mohawk. I forgot what those looked like after seeing so many faux hawks on the douches in Scottsdale. Cute Kris presents him with the 5 million copies thing. Is that platinum? Wouldn't that be nice if you explained it to us Ryan? Hosting is more than extending the results beyond any reasonable time frame.

May 21- So You Think You Can Dance- a heavy contender for the next show to blog about. I have been meaning to talk to you about that. It will be discussed. :)

Back to the vote off. Random order brings us..... Adam as safe. Okay. Now I kinda believe it. One of Adam's friends looks reallllly familiar. Kinda like a young Taylor Dayne.(edit- i think she is a former ANTM contestant)

64 million and that ass clown is safe. I am begging you readers of this blog. Tell all your friends to stop the insanity and put their cell phones away. Allison was a creepy kid with big teeth. How is it possible that they found 1:12 seconds of personality. She is crying but will sing. What a trooper. How funny that sh is singing crybaby. This is so re-dick. Because Gokey is an asshole. And I am so far over him. I think that in protest, I will not type his name once next week. I am taking suggestions for what I should call him. And he pretends to look sad. Vom.

Wanna know what is funny? The judges had this "save" that was supposed to prevent things like the Daughtry vote off. BUT THEY HAD TO USE IT OR LOSE IT TWO WEEKS AGO. SO IT DOESN'T EVEN FIT THE ORIGINAL PURPOSE.

Two songs next week- Judges choice, and their pick. I hope that someone picks something terrible for Gokey. How will this work with four judges? Does one judge not pick?


Gomba said...

Dead Wife Dude. Widower. Sir Creeper McAss face. Lord Pedophilia.

Marissa said...

Hearts to you, Gomba. Well played.

melissa said...

I heard some promo about American Idol this morning- it said "With the finale just two weeks away blah blah blah" and seriously the first thing that came to my mind was "Oh no! With Idol over what will Marissa recap next!!!"

and I haven't watched the No Doubt performance yet. Kinda breaks my heart that it was bad :(