May 13, 2009

Na na na na... na na na na-- Hey Hey Hey Gokey's Gone (Idol Recap- sorry I spoiled it)

Alright- I think it is really fucking time I get a DVR. I just left book club so that I could come home for Idol, and I missed the first 25 minutes. So- keep that in mind while you read. One good thing- I probably missed the lame trips home. I prolly would have made fun of some third grader, and been called an asshole. Anyway.... (also-I want to show everyone right now. It is ANYWAY, not ANYWAYS- ANYWAYS is not a word.)

I walk in at 8:25, and Kris is onstage. He is given criticism, and sent to the couch with Danny Gokey. They are both bottom two, right? Did we just stop dicking with America, and let them know that Adam was safe early? That would have been my vote. Because, "seriously, really?!?"

Jordin Sparks is performing... she is cute. And from Arizona. We like to claim our local celebrities. Funny story- I have totally drank with her pop. Last year (maybe two), my roommate and I went to our local watering hole to watch a University of Arizona basketball game that wasn't on tv... or maybe it was football. It was football. Anyway, there was this cool guy at the end of the bar talking to us about our team, and this that and the other. He went to ASU, so we started some smack talking. And he drank Glenlivet, so he was cool. Anyway, he left- wishing us luck, and being an all around sweet guy, and totally chill. We said to the bartender- "he's a cool dude." he says- "Yeah, that is Bubba Sparks, Jordin Sparks' dad." So- there is my one degree of separation from an American Idol superstar. While I told that whole story, I totally missed her performance. I think she was wearing something sparkly. Whatever, she is cute. I like her.

This whole Glee nonsense is too much for me. I am SO stoked for this show. But I only get to watch one episode before they close for the summer. It is so messed up on so many levels.

ok- Wait a fucking minute. We are JUST NOW seeing Adam Lambert at 8:38?!?! This vote off episode is such bullshit. Let's go to San Diego. Holy crap- his local weather girl had him do her eye shadow. Seems to me that their FOX news is as lame as our fake news station, 3TV, the place with more stuff. Where are all the gay dudes running around after him!?!??! He goes back to a theater that he legitimately performed in, and it is super sweet. And I love that they show that Adam Lambert can be sweet, and won't try to make your children FABULOUS! I want a day named after me in Phoenix. Oh crap. I think I missed the flasher. HOLY CRAP they are taking him to the marine base... nice rendition of the Anthem, Adam. FYI- there weren't any Marines on base that day... ha.

So- let's send Adam to the couch again, and have them all sit there. And Katie Perry is next...

I really like that MasterCard can still use the "priceless" commercial theme. It still works, but doesn't seem outdated. How do they do that? And it isn't like there haven't been a shit-ton of parodies. We had one my sophomore year of college for our Mardi Gras sorority date dash. I didn't go to the party, but I bought the shirt. Lost it one time in the laundry, and I tried to get another one from Senior Wills but was unsuccessful. Not that it matters. The tshirt quilt that my mom was going to buy me as a graduation gift never got made. BUT the tshirts are all still in the closet of my old bedroom, so ... there's that. I found a chick online that does them- but I need it to be totally symmetrical and perfect, so I didn't hire her- based on her online photo album.

So they are sitting on the couch and I nearly just died.. they say that Katy Perry is up, and they will reveal the results after that. Apparently Gokey just wants it to be over- because the nerves are too much- and Adam yells " I JUST WANNA SEE KATY PERRY!!!" I love him.

So- I haven't heard this song. Apparently my marine sister loves this song, and was pissed that she released it. She likes to like the songs no one knows on the album. It makes her a more elite fan. So- this is about a marriage in Vegas. After a drunken night... well- the sanctity of that is serious. FYI- She kinda is annoying. I'm done with her vibrato. AND done with the camel toe caused by her unitard.

Here we go- dim the lights..... first person competing...... KRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simon is shocked... my heart is racing... seriously... I might get sick- I am so excited. Please send danny home.. please send danny home... please send danny home..... holy crap..... get there faster! ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you America. Danny Gokey can go back to wherever the hell he is from. Let's count the dead wifeisms in his goodbye piece. 1.... two.... jump jump.... three... faux hawk.... prayer stance... spaz dance... Jaime Foxx in his face.. four... four dead wives in a 58 second vignette... excellent work Idol producers... I hope he dedicates You Are SO Beautiful to the dead wife (hey- boyf's sister- I am NOT going too far. ;) )

Kara is crying. I am elated. The crowd is clapping along... Kara is crying... Kris is shitting himself.... white girl clapping off beat.... I am elated.... Danny licks his pervo lips... Paula is on her feet.... group hug.... hey- it is 2 minutes past end time... simon says "it could be a big ding dong next week." Kris laughs his usual "simon, you're so silly" giggle.

I haven't been this excited for an Idol finale sine Justin and Kelly. OMG OMG OMG! Do you think that Kris and Adam can do a movie?!?! If you have never seen From Justin to Kelly - go rent it. NOW. Of course... in this film, they wouldn't be able to fall in love. I am sure they could find themselves in some CRAZY predicaments!!!


Gomba said...


I will not miss you and your blatant exploitations of your dead wife.

Or that random disturbing shot of you groping Iraheta you sick sick sick creeper during your farewell clip.

Phyllis said...

They can fall in love at the end of the movie, they just can't get married.....

melissa said...

1. The DVR is the greatest invention ever, ever, ever. But WARNING..once you get it YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK. You will not be able to live without it.

2. My grandma (real one, not Sarah) had a quilt made out of all our sorority shirts. It's pretty cute. I should use it sometime.

3. I love Katy Perry