We begin with Ryan introducing the remaining contestants as though they were cast members of The Breakfast Club: the brain, the jock, the princess, the dirty hippie... you get the idea. Wanna know how the show can not run over? Cut the first three minutes.
Tonight's mentor is Shania Twain, and I dig her. I can't believe that troll of a husband cheated on her. How can you even LAND her when you look like this? Which is also the only professional photo that was ever taken of him, and shown on every mention.
Lee, The Painter, is up first and taking on "You're Still the One." He rocks it out in his own little way, and the judges love it. Tell him he's making some funny faces though, and Kara totally interrupts and yells over Simon. Because sometimes it just isn't worth it, he just says he is done talking. She appears genuinely surprised. Another way to save time? Turn off the judges mics when they are done talking.
Big Mike, The Father, is singing some ballad that I have never heard before. Shania tells him he could sing the phone book and love it, and Mike with his big ego glows and smiles. She tells him not to take it for granted, and he needs to sing with passion because that is what winners do. He made Shania cry, in a good way. This week, Randy says that he loves the R&B ballady stuff. Bet ya next week that he will tell him he needs to mix it up. Ellen called it Luther Vadrossy, which is a good thing. Kara talks about how Shania is a songwriter, blah blah blah. Simon says Ellen is on point with the Luther, but said the song was "wet," which causes all sorts of controversy.
Casey, The Construction Worker, had stool time with Ryan, and sang some song that seemed kinda familiar. I was busy drawing a map for my sister to pick up our cousins from daycare. Also made her feel my abs as I am in day 4 of level 2 in Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Serious business. The judges loved it, best performance ever, blah blah.
Crystal Bowersox, The Mother, is singing "No One Needs To Know Right Now." Shania tells her to be more upbeat. Apparently she is singing it for her boyfriend. It's cute and happy. Randy said it wasn't his FAVORITE performance. It wasn't Ellen's either, but she uses the analogy that it is like choosing your favorite color of the rainbow. Kara, AGAIN, says that she agrees with "the guys." Apparently forgetting that Ellen is a girl. Again. Simon said it was like the performers in the coffee shop that are there, but you really don't want to see. Ryan tries to stir the pot, and asks for Crystal's response to the criticism. Then there is an awkward exchange with her boyfriend. Another minute that could be saved.
I'm not even going to talk about Aaron, because I am so over him. And apparently I have been getting his age wrong. He is 17. Is GLEE on yet?
Siobhan, The Glass Blower, is butchering "Any Man of Mine." Why would she EVER chose this song? And the outfit is terrible. She struggles through the song, and is having mic problems, ans Shania is grimacing. Then there is a very disjointed screeching at the end. Shania golf claps. Randy eats it up. Ellen- "way to pull the Shania Twain into the station." Lame. Kara says "guess who's baAAaack!" Simon said he liked the song, but the screeching sounded like she was giving birth.
Apparently the Fox Gods let Idol know that they aren't there bread and butter anymore, because they are ending just about on time. Well, at least the most on time in recent years.
5 weeks ago