March 23, 2010

Idol Recap- Ocean's 11

I was able to go to dinner tonight with some friends I haven't seen in AGES. So, for the first time (I think) I am blogging with DVR. Not mine. I am still too stubborn; blogging at my parents house. We start with the camera scanning the top 11, and Ryan's head is projected on the screen behind them. It's like he wants to be the Great and Powerful Oz, and then the camera pans to him, and we see he is a munchkin. Had to, sorry.

This week, Randy and Simon won the rights to wear cardigan sweaters, so Ellen gets a blazer and scarf. Kinda like she came from filming her show, and put the scarf on for her nighttime look.

This week is a big deal, because whoever gets sent home gets the bonus of not doing cheesy group songs and lame choreography during the tour, but the sadness of not getting the paycheck, thus ENDING THEIR CAREER. They try so hard to pretend like the Top Ten are a really big deal, when we all know that if anything, the top 4-5 might be remembered enough to end up on Celebrity Rehab. The rest of those get laid for a year and then fade into oblivion.

Tonight we get the honor of having Miley Cyrus as the "mentor." She openly admits that she has no idea what she is doing, and is basically here for the paycheck. Hopefully she can buy some pants, because she is nearly naked. Boy shorts are for the beach, put some clothes on. She says that if she doesn't have anything to say that's bad, she will say it's pitchy... because it is vague. No camera shot to show Randy glaring at her.

Lee Dewyze- He sings a song that I swear has been sung like, twelve times, "Letter." But he gets backed up by the remaining members of the Blues Brothers Band. The whole thing seemed kind of early 80's to me, but the judges seemed to like it. Randy loved it. Ellen talks about how when you have your favorite pen, and it always writes well, that you do anything to get it better when it starts to stall, like heating it or shaking it. I have a favorite pen. I used to get pens allllll the time from work. So, when I was packing my boxes, I made sure to take my favorite pen with me. It was a promotional product from a client, and thus not company property, so it's not stealing. Anyway, Lee is her favorite pen, and he is writing well again. The other judges said things, and I was distracted. He's the first guy out, so it is strong enough to open the show, and is safe for next week.

Awkward Stool Time with Paige: She is most nervous about these high heels she is wearing. After watching her video package with Miley, she had a lot more to worry about. Miley tells her she was pitchy, and Paige says " I totally knew that, you are so great Miley." Miley should have told her to change the song, because she was ruining it. Who chooses Phil Collins? So dated. He is played in restaurants that need background filler. She comes out sitting on stairs that move forward on the stage, and she is sucking it up!! Like, breathy, shaky, pitchy, and as Randy says "terrible." Ellen says she likes her shoes. Kara said that she tackled the Mariah Carey version, which I didn't know existed, and she failed. Probably the worst vocal of the season. Simon tortures her by asking her what she thought of it, and she babbles and he tells her she sucks. Buh bye, Paige.

Tim Urban is singing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love," Miley suggests to add riffs and switch it up. She hugs him because she doesn't think he is boring. He plans on moving around the stage and having fun with it. Wow, what a dramatic removal of the microphone, Tim- YOU'RE SO HARD CORE! He slides across the stage, and hops down the stairs into the crowd. He has learned early that he has to play to the voting demo, and be dreamy and flirty. His dad needs some fashion help. Randy mentions that it is a "singing competition." Which, ummm, it isn't. He called it bad karaoke. Ellen calls it corny, as if she has never seen the group sing. She calls him Zac Effron, and tells him he acts like he already made it. Simon called it "completely and utterly pointless and silly." Little girls across the country are getting their dialing fingers ready, because they're scurrrd.

Awkward Stool Time with Aaron Kelly- He is having trouble with his voice, also known as puberty. Or "tonsillitis." Apparently he has a crush on Miley. He sang "The Climb" at his audition, and he wondered if she had seen it. She plays along, and says he was great. He is singing "Don't Want to Miss a Thing," which you should have known, because it is Aerosmith's only number one. And goes against everything they ever did, because it is totally lame and lacking in balls. This is the high school talent show, and this kid is loving every moment. Randy says "thank God you came on and started singing!!" because the last two didn't. Ellen babbles. Kara says "best song choice of the night." Simon, please come take me away from crazytown, because I was bored. Simon said it was brave, but he is making himself old fashioned for his age, but there is zero chance he is going home.

The Dirty Hippie is up, and of course singing Janis Joplin. Miley says to sing it higher, because her voice is great up there. And then Crystal asks her to sign the guitar that powerful talented women have signed. Her performance was exactly what I expected. RANDY YELLS THAT SHE IS DOPE. Ellen heard this on the radio the other day and thought to herself "oh, she should sing that." Really? DUH. This is when I remember that Americans are stupid. Kara wants her to drop the guitar next week, which she was secretly planning anyway. Simon says she's great, and mentions that she is standing on a carpet. Ryan and the hippie then sit on the carpet and pass the doobie to each other and talk about war. Well, that last part only happened in my mind.

Big Mike meets Miley and picks her up, squeezing the life out of her. He is singing "When a Man Loves a Woman," and Miley is in love. Or light headed. The two things are very close. He is hoping this week that this song "speaks to the lovers out there." Uh, Cheesy Wedding DJ from 1987 called, he wants his line back. String quartet and a piano, so he is fucking SERIOUS. And he delivers a solid performance that the ladies love. Goes all falsetto in the end, and gives a kissy face. Randy doesn't know if it was the best song choice, but he "sang the i don't know what" out of it. Ellen said it was safe, like driving the speed limit, but he got there in the end. Kara said it was technically great, but boring, loungy and overindulgent. Simon Blah Blah Blahs.

Andrew Garcia is up, and many people think he should have been gone last week. He proves it by forgetting the lyrics. So Miley tells him to lose the guitar. At some point, someone told Miley to show that she had shorts on, so now we can see her denim. Andrew has totally lost his coolness, and is giving a karaoke "Heard It Through the Grapevine," complete with chest pumping and pointing to fake tears. Ladies and gents, this is what we call a sell out. Randy says it wasn't good. About 9 times. Ellen hopes his fans vote for him, because his ass needs to be saved. Kara tells him AGAIN that he has to go back to the moment where he did "Straight Up." Simon says, maybe they overrated that performance that they mention EVRY FUCKING WEEK. He also said that he sucked the soul out of the song, and ruined it. :) Andrew says that his goal was to "just have fun." Thanks, glad you could have fun, while we suffer through cheese and pitch. Bad answer.

We now have little Katie Stevens meeting Miley, and both are 17. Katie is singing Fergie, "Big Girls Don't Cry." Miley tells her to edge it up, and it was a good choice. Really? This girl has no idea what to do with the voice she has. BTW, I get a 100% on this song in the American Idol video game, and it is 3 music notes, which is the hardest. Maybe Katie played it too, and got the same score. I however, realized that a 100% in the game doesn't mean I should sing it in real life.
Randy was excited that she listened, and went younger- even though it was pitchy and flat and all over the place. Ellen loved it, and she is dumb. Kara says that pop with R&B leanings are where she belongs, but she still has pitch issues. Simon thinks she would get a more loyal following with country... and she should listen, like Carrie Underwood did.

Awkward Stool Time with Casey- this is really awkward, because he is too big for that stool. He meets Miley, and says that he loves her dad. She tells him to look into the audience more... because it is a moment. He says "funny, I was totally gonna do that." He is doing "The Power of Love." He is kinda playing the guitar with it.... a little.... Now the Blues Brothers Band is in the rafters, playing and swaying. This is so weird and I don't know why he chose it. They use the worst graphics for him on those big screens. Randy wasn't a fan of the song choice, but thought he did it well. Ellen says "ditto." Well, she didn't SAY it, but she should have, instead of repeating the whole sentence. Kara loved it. Simon says it was like listening to an 80's cover band, and gets boo'd. He says maybe he is the only one- but I want him to know he isn't. And this is coming from a chick that LOVES Huey Lewis. Not ashamed.

Dee Dee "You're No Good" Miley loves her vibratto. This girl, I love her performance, but she is straight up nerdy and annoying when she talks. Ugh. The camera man is focusing on the guys playing instruments on the corners of the stage... She sashes down the stairs, and it seems kinda put on, but I really dig the voice, so I overlook that, and her weird swaying and finger snapping. She reminds me of Taylor Swift, but with the ability to perform live. Randy says pitchy. Ellen didn't get the song choice. Kara says it was like she was playing a character, which is totally accurate. Simon gets boo'd when he says it was ironic when she was singing "you're no good." She pipes up and said she wants to show another side, and have some fun. Bloody hell people, this isn't about you having fun.

Siobahn meets Miley, and I am surprised that she didn't try to take a lock of her hair. Miley said her voice had swagger... but she'll kick her to the curb unless she looks like Mick Jagger. Made up that last part. Siobahn is singing "Superstitious," and comes out with a faux hawk. Her stage persona is so weird and awkward. She makes me really uncomfortable. She takes really big steps too. AND OF COURSE makes the big yelly notes. Is it time that we tell her, like we told Adam Lambert, that just because we like it, it doesn't mean we need it in every song? Randy thinks it's great, man. Man, man, man. Ellen quotes Oliver, you know, the orphan from the book, and says "more." Kara loves the end note... so I guess it isn't time... WAIT Simon brings it up, and says it wasn't done as well as normal, and she needs to push herself more. She has side burns. She might be a leprechaun. Yeah... pointy ears. Got it.

As it stands, with this group, I wouldn't buy a ticket to the tour. But, I've never been interested in buying a ticket, so no real change. Paige is on the chopping block, Tim is near the bottom- but will be saved by the tweens, Andrew is in deep water.

OMG!! Tomorrow Miley and Demi Lovato are BOTH going to be there. DRAMA!!! Why do I know this?


Gomba said...

had the same thought about dreads girl and ryan on the carpet.

and you know about the drama with miley and demi because of your sister. I guarantee you. That's how I know hahaha.

Marty said...

If you handicap the performances the same as me next week, I won't have to watch anymore. It would be nice if I could PVR Bowersocks and D'wyze and skip the rest.