I Popped My Rocky Horror Cherry

So, this weekend we went down to Tucson for my littlest sister's Family Weekend at the University of Arizona (BEAR DOWN). In putting the final plans together earlier in the week, I found out that my sister would get extra credit in her media arts class if she went to see the Midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Somehow, she forgot who I was for a moment, and was surprised by how excited I was to go. Not just go.... go in full costume. I'm a big drama geek- expect nothing less. The next couple days, we researched characters, got costumes together, and prepared ourselves for the fun. Everyone who had been to a shadow cast Rocky performance before told me it was awesome. For those that might be unfamiliar, let me take a step back. A shadow cast is when they play the film on the big screen, and then actors act it out with props and costumes on a stage in front of the screen. Over the past 30+ years, casts across the country have been putting together these shows for Rocky Horror, with the same fun interactive scenes played out: Throw rice at the wedding! Call Brad an asshole! Jump up and dance along! etc, etc. We looked up all these gags, and got ready for the participation.

On Saturday night, we spent three hours getting ready while watching the movie. We were excited to see other costumed attendees when we got to the movie theater. Marked with our "V" to signify that this was our first time (virgins), we headed into the theater. There was a little game before, an "initiation" of sorts to get the "virgins" good and prepared. After that, the movie was set to begin... I waited for instructions... maybe what to do during the movie... nothing. I figured we were good to have done our research, and all would just come to us as the movie was going on. I was completely wrong.

Before I discuss the negative aspects of the show, I will give the highlights. Magenta, Trixie/Columbia, Brad and Eddie: thank you for putting forth effort in both your costumes and performances. Most often, shadow cast members are responsible for their own costuming, and you all made every attention to detail imaginable. You knew the show, and your cues and you frequently helped others that had not done the same to prepare. Kudos to you, and you can ignore the rest of this post, because you are not included in it.

Alright- now for the constructive criticism. I have been to a shadow cast show before. I saw Repo! shadow cast performance for the film's director and co-writer/actor at Chandler Cinemas before it closed. :( The actors and crew really put on a great show. The audience was engaged and excited. Knowing a few of the actors involved, I know that the cast worked hard at their weekly rehearsals. I cannot say the same for this cast.

Most of the cast (minus the previously noted) seemed distracted and unsure of their cues. Their lines were shaky, and their movements hesitant. Costumes left a lot to be desired. I know that multiple costume changes get expensive. But if the four of us were able to get something together in just 4 days- I would expect someone interested enough in joining the CAST would make more effort. Tucson has some of the best thrift stores I have ever seen, and there are PLENTY of websites that help with costume tips and tricks. This was my favorite. I am not going to call out the other cast members individually, but I will say this: there is a difference between looking creepy/disconnected, and giving an apathetic performance, and, if you are going to look like a deer in headlights, try not to get high before the performance. Also- it is helpful if you give the same level of performance all throughout. If YOU'RE bored- imagine how we felt.

In preparing for the show, I was excited for the "audience interaction" with the props and yelling. NONE of it happened. We had rice in our bags for the wedding scene... nothing. We had water guns prepared for the rain scene... nothing. We were able to do the time warp....So, there's that. There was some yelling from the crowd. One guy- obviously assigned by the cast- was the ring leader. He seemed to be going through the motions, and was giving his canned speech with his cues, seeming almost bothered to do so. Another guy, a "friend if the cast" decided to help by yelling half of the same lines just about two beats behind the other guy. There wasn't a chance we were going to hear what was going on and understand it. Half the time, the cast seemed to feel overshadowed by them, and watched them instead of performing. And, coming from someone who swears like a fucking sailor... let me tell you this: using the word "fuck" multiple times in every sentence doesn't make you edgy... it makes you crude. There are plenty more jokes to be made, you don't have to hang out in the gutter. Yeah, there's a lot of sex in the movie. Yeah, there are gay people. Yes, gay guys fuck each other in the ass. I GET IT. Did you hear audience 's laughter towards the end? No? Nothing? Yeah, it's because they had become totally disengaged. We ended up leaving just before the show ended, as we had gotten totally irritated by the entire production.

I get that you all have a bunch of fun together, hanging out, "practicing" etc. But, at some point, you have to realize that there are other people in the audience that paid to see a show, not two hours of your inside jokes. I have wanted to see a Rocky Horror Shadow Cast ever since I knew it existed. I was so looking forward to it, and told everyone I knew that I was going. When it was a disappointment, I was really sad. I WANTED it to be great. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

I hope that with this post, I can prevent someone else from having a bad Rocky experience. I hope that the cast and crew can realize that people do want to see a good show, and I hope that this motivates them to get it together.

I want to see a real shadow cast production. Has anyone seen it now that it has moved from Chandler Cinemas to the theater on Mill Ave? I want to sew up my Rocky Horror hymen and get it popped for real.

For those that want to see, here is me:

I made the sequined glove in the backseat while we drove from Phx to Tucson.
Also- I decided I wasn't ready to wear just my underwear in public.

AHHHHH! Kelly Clarkson

First, let me tell you that I think Kelly Clarkson is amazing. Second, let me tell you that I think he positive body image is admirable; I only wish I could appreciate myself as much as she does. Third, let me tell you that SELF magazine is a piece of shit publication. Apparently in their “Total Body Confidence Issue,”they decided to insert an article about Kelly Clarkson loving herself, but then delete a major portion of her body for the cover, via airbrushing.

What kind of message does this send? You can love your body, but we need you to be hotter to sell magazines? That is what I read into it, and I am sure I am not alone.

Photoshop is a great invention. Smooth out some lines, brush away cellulite- yeah, I get it- no one REALLY looks like that. But when you alter a person's picture to drop them 3 dress sizes, that is absolutely ridiculous and irresponsible. If you don't like the way she looks, find somebody else to put on the cover. I am sure Jennifer Love Hewitt would love some publicity. Or some work. Or just someone to give her the attention she is so desperate for.

MOVE, get out tha way!

I have always hated bicyclists. Well, not ALWAYS. My 8th grade math teacher was one, and any time we wanted to get out of a lesson, someone was nominated to ask her a question about it, and then we didn't have to do math that day. It was great. But somewhere along the time that I really started driving, I began to despise them. Not because they are involved in physical acticity, but because they think that they deserve teh same space on the road that a car does. That's just bullshit as far as I see it.
Where is this random rant coming from, you ask? This douchebag biking up Washington this morning while other people (LANES of them) were trying to drive to work.

Note- it is raining in Phx today

Please notice on your right: a cross walk, and a sidewalk. Apparently neither of these are good enough for this asshole. What happened when the light turned green, you ask? He cut me off, and started biking ahead of me at 13 mph. IN THE RIGHT HAND LANE! Hey- Lance Armstrong- this street isn't closed for a race. People are trying to get to work. Move the hell out of the way. Maybe try a bike path, or one of the many mountain paths, or shit- maybe just a side street. Regardless (side note: in case you didn't know, irregardless is not an actual word), you are not a vehicle and it just messes shit up when you pretend to be one.

Knew It- More to Love? More like More to Lie About

So- in case you didn't know, sometimes people on reality television shows embellish the truth in order to create a more interesting character. I know, I should have warned you to sit down. Well- apparently the slimy bachelor from More to Love (click here for my recap) is one of these people. I received an email from an equally addicted to reality tv co-worker this morning with evidence that the Big Bachelor used to be...wait for it..... a hunky high school football player. His ex-girlfriend (btw- fox should have given her $ early) told PopSugar that he was a stud, and released pictures of a time where he was supposedly "chubby." I will pause while you watch the link....

What a lying sleazeball, right!? No wonder he is perfectly comfortable flirting two girls at once, and making out with one while the other watched. It was probably a common occurrence every Friday night of 1998. I knew there was something fishy about that guy, because anyone who has really had their heart broken because of their weight/insecurities would be a little more sensitive of other's feelings.

Obviously he was just your classic high school football hero, and after he busted his knee freshman year of college, he lost his scholarship and joined a fraternity. From there, the booze pounds packed on. He probably couldn't keep his grades up, and landed a nice job at Hollywood Video. He stumbled upon an add on MySpace for a new realty show with some fatties, and he was like "this is IT!" Here is what I think his plan is.... get on this show... prove what a stud he is... pick some girl (only to break her heart) and then get some additional reality show about wanting to change his life, and be a healthier him. The new show chronicles his weight loss plan, etc. Because, I don't know if you have seen this, the Biggest Loser biggest successes are usually people that were former athletes. They have the drive/focus/experience but needed to get their asses back into the swing of things.

But now that everyone knows he wasn't really a chubster as he claims he was.... this is gonna get interesting. Will America forgive him for lying? The answer if, yes of course. Americans are stupid. I just hope Fox didn't spend too much money photoshopping him heavy in those HS pictures that they will no longer be able to use on the show.

And yes, I will of course keep watching the show. Puh-lease.

Jon and Kate- not so great

In case you have been living under a rock these past few months, Jon and Kate (last names irrelevant to me) are splitting up. Imagine that.... a couple with a set of twins and a set of quads- being followed around by television cameras- thrown(willingly) into the media spotlight- offered book deals and LOTS of money are having marriage problems. Big surprise. Here is the part that pisses me off. You want cameras to follow you around and watch you parent because you have a different angle- Ok. I never really watched the show- but I have friends that love it. But when your marriage is in such turmoil that you aren't speaking to each other- you are taking separate vacations- basically only co-existing for the "benefit of the kids," how about YOU DON'T RENEW FOR THE NEXT SEASON!!!!??? Divorce is hard enough on the families; why INVITE the world in to see it in action? Be grown ups, and protect your kids from this nonsense. You can't control what the tabloids say- but you can prevent a film crew from documenting your awkward tension and incredible disdain for each other. This is REALITY TELEVISION. It is scripted and warped to create a great storyline. And while Kate may say ....

"Over the course of this weekend, Jon's activities have left me no choice but to file legal procedures in order to protect myself and our children," she said. "While there are reasons why it was appropriate and necessary for me to initiate this proceeding, I do not wish to discuss those reasons at this time, in the hope that all issues will be resolved amicably between Jon and myself. As always, my first priority remains our children."

...that is complete bullshit. If your first priority were your children, tv production would be shut down and you would take care of them during this transition, instead of pimping them out to secure your next book tour. Nonsense. Please stop watching this show! These people are disgusting.