More to Love- Finale

So- I'm a little pissed about this two hour bullshit- because it means I have to switch back and forth with 90210. No, I don't DVR- I am stubborn. I won't get into it.

We go brief again.... Luke brings the girls home. Tali gets to meet dad, uncle and gma first. They have big concern because she is Jewish. As she is getting grilled, she holds her own, and when dad really starts to push it, Luke steps in. Sweet move, and I think they are really cute together.

Now the whore, Malissa hangs out with him. and schools him on pool. He should read into this that she is only just competitive, and doesn't really want HIM, she just wants to win a reality competition. She sucks. Her meeting is standard, nothing special. BUT the family buys her bullshit, and calls her the missing piece. He says "the family makes sense, but sometimes love doesn't make sense." His kisses are closed lipped now.... I think he is pulling back.

(turned it to 90 just in time to watch some serious drama with an interview with Teddy, and Annie begging for Naomi to not show her sextext)

Also- in case you missed it- Glee is awesome. Freaking awesome.

The girls get to hang out together at the house, and LUKE's MOM SHOWS UP!!!

Malissa starts to suck up immediately. And rambles... and rambles.... and Tali and mom just stare. And Malissa realizes she can't play her like that. And Tali has an actual conversation with her, and Malissa is not excited and makes a big show about fixing breakfast. And luke's mom hates malissa. this is hilarious. Tali is totally impressing mom, and speaking genuinely... and Malissa made mom roll her eyes.

(turned to 90 in time to see a break up, and a cgi punch to a glass door)

Faith (luke's mom) pulls tali aside for some chit chat time. And it is awesome.

Then there is the forced one on one time with Malissa. And she babbles. She said it is too premature to consider her as a daughter in law. Luke has a chat with Mom, and Tali passes. And she won;t even really talk about Malissa. Hahahaha.

The laides get one on one dates again. And Tali is stunning. Luke needs to iron his jacket. They are sweet. And they have a good convo about the mom... and she tells him she would move to california. oooooooh. then she brings up malissa... and then saves it a little by saying that she can only hope and trust that they are strong enough to make it. OH MY GOD. She says I love you!!!!! And he says I LOVE YOU TOO!!!! And then they make out!!!!!!!!!! They are giddy. :D They totally just made me "awwwwww."

Now it's the whore's turn. She tells him at dinner that she is really nervous. and silence... and then he says to tell him what's in her heart... and she says she is scared because she doesn't want to know she is wrong about how she is feeling. I don;t think he believes her when she says she wants to be like his grandparents and be marries 52 years. But he gives her a little peck, to make it seem like he actually has a decision to make. She says " i do love you." and he says "i l love you too, you are very special to me." gross.

Luke is picking out an engagement ring. HE picks one out for both of them. The girls get pampered. Let's just get there.

Tali is absolutely beautiful. Oh My Lanta. Malissa is in fuchsia. Wow... we have a light up walkway over the swimming pool. Quite the set decoration... he mentions break up... and up pulls.... Malissa. Please. Please. Please. Please. She talks about unconditional love... blah blah. She matches the decorations really well. She is struggling, and has to say something. He talks about their instant attraction, and talks about how much they have in common and how right for each other they could be. She is beautiful, and she is adventurous... and he loves her.... for who she is. BUT ( GRIN) his heart belongs to somebody else!!!!!! She looks pissed. Like someone took away her doll. And she looks at the ring... and he says he didn't want to hurt her, and it is painful, but he has to let her go. all she can say is "everything felt so right. I can't believe I was so wrong." She says she just wants to go. He walks her out..... Hugs. And the whore gets in the limo. Deep sigh from Luke (don;t worry you dodged a bullet). She isn't even crying.... just listing why it was so right. Lame. HAHA "what makes her better than me?" THAT right there!!! You don;t even love him, you just want to win. Now she finally cries. And is giving the standards script. Such a faker.

He is talking about Tali, and says that he feels like they can change the world together. :) She looks like an angel..... He gives her this thing about two different worlds, and they would have obstacles... and he says that in the beginning he made a promise to love her for who she is, and he does. With all his heart. And she promised the same, and she does. And she makes him a better man... and then.... ring. knee.... she can';t breathe. he says "i want you to be my wife. will you marry me?" (dramatic pause) breathy "yes. i love you." Smoochie smoochie sweet.

:D

More to Love- Goes Hawaiian

Alright, I am going BRIEF on this.

- They arrive and have an awkward Luau dance. All the girls share their insecurities with the camera.

-Individual date with Malissa. He loves their physical connection, but wonders about her level of commitment. They play with seals, and have a heart to heart picnic. She gives him some bullshit that she just wants to spend time with him, it doesn't matter what they do. They have a dinner date, and she is SO scripted. He wants honesty. Ha! She gets REALLY defensive when he says that he isn't her normal type. He thinks she is gonna break his heart, and he is totally right. She just wants to win. AND she agrees to have dessert at HIS place. Vomit. Are moaning noises really necessary?

-Now his one on one with Tali. They go sailing, as she is freaked out... even though she is in the Navy. She then freaks out bc he had planned to go snorkeling. Because being in the water is her biggest fear. But she goes in, bc love heals all. Gross. I really want some cake. I have been craving cake for a few weeks. Chocolate with whipped cream frosting sounds good. Sweet sappy dinner, and they are in love. HE asks if they can go to his room and snuggle. :) Haha, she is totally giddy. They're cute. Officially. and get in the hot tub.....

-Mandy;s turn. Apparently she is at the top of is list, but is the most guarded. They have a date where they eat fruit, and she bitches about him dating other girls. Then they get in the limp and go to dinner on a boat. He asks her if she could see herself being married to him, and of course she says "yeah." And then they eat each others faces in a kiss. She says "can you see it?" and he answers yes. And then they make out, and he asks her to stay the night on the boat with him to watch the stars. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

After the commercial he will have to make his "toughest decision yet."

I ignored the bs conversation they have every week. The two left go to meet his family. Tali- good. I like them. Malissa is sweating. I don't believe a thing she says. But he chooses her anyway.
Do we really need Emme as a host? Mandy is crying. He feels terrible. She won't even look at him. She cries in the limo. She thought he was the one.

If he picks Malissa next week, he deserves the shit he gets.

More to Love- Meet the Parents

Gosh, Tuesday at 8 comes fast. I have been rocking and rolling today working on Halloween/Futuristic costume party outfits/logistics, and to be honest, I really don't want to be torn away for this..... OH WAIT! My friend came up with a drinking game!!!

Her game from last week:

*Every time someone cries
*Every time someone says they "had a connection"
*Every time Luke makes out with someone
*Luke refers to liking "big"/"curvy" women
*Girls complain about dating, how the guys always thought they were fat
*Every time the camera shows them eating
*Every time one of the girls says she is "falling in love"
*Every time food is shown
Play along if you want... thank Melissa later.

Tali gets a one on one with a "race to the finish line!!" She always looks really put together. I like her. He says she's really serious, so he is taking her go kart racing to get the fun out. So, SURPRISE!! Her aunt and uncle show up. Her uncle and her seem really close... like, in a creepy way. Now there is a discussion about religion and class structures in Israel. Uncle questions whether her family would even accept him. Wow.

Back at the house. Mandy gets mail and acts like a spaz. "Here's to a CALM night." malissa says mandy is too hyperactive for Luke. Ha.

Tali and her aunt chit chat, and the bald white guy uncle tells him what it's like trying to be accepted into the family. It freaks Luke out. Because who really wants to get this serious after a week? Because that is pretty much what this is in real time.

Tali comes back, and the other girls grill Mandy while she is getting ready. Especially Malissa. Mandy tells her to STFU. Finally. She cries, and Malissa laughs. Because she is a malicious bitch. She sees Luke and is "rejoyed" with happiness. Is that a word? They get out of the car, and she is immediately greeted by her parents. So much for alone time, eh? He loves her parents. We also learn that Luke's dad is a butcher.

Back at the house, Malissa is trying to figure it out... what is a "CALM" evening. Oy... who cares? Tali gives an explanation of self control.

Back to the date. Her mom says that she is confident, but sensitive. Like, cry in the bathroom and slam doors sensitive. He asks if she is ready to settle down, and her mom says (pause) (pause) that she is ready for a serious relationship, but isn't running to the alter. Apparently she is ready, and is irritated that her parents tried to say they should get to know each other.

Anna you "strike me as a girl that likes to have fun." So they are going bowling. Ew... they are all pervy on their meet up. Her shirt is open in the back. Whuh? Apparently she is an amazing bowler, because she used to do that instead of go to the pool. The sexual tension makes me uncomfortable.

Back at the house.... Malissa "I've gotten a little taste of alone time with you, and I am rady to try some more.... " Gross.

Back to bowling. Hey, Luke- throw a little softer. Don't break the lane. She wins... and goes full girl mode when her parents show up. Her dad has a FUPA. Luke gets grilled, but totally handles it. He is ready to get married. Where are these guys? Ha. I guess she has to travel a lot for work, and they get scared that Luke can't handle that.

Oops... forgot the show was starting again... missed part of Malissa... they are tasting food and wine blindfolded, and he brings in her sisters. Her blonde sister is trashy. Gross. They look nothing alike. And they are bitchy. Apparently they have gone through a lot, and mom died when they were young. Her bitchier sister asks if he is a cheater.... I think Luke is getting offended at how they are talking to her. OH! Apparently the bitch sister has a 4 year old, and she never babysits. Holy shit. This is a train wreck. He asks what they would think if he proposed. The nice sister saves the day. They look nothing alike.

She can't wait to get home to tell the other girls that he asked the proposal question. Hahaha. Awesome. The other girls freak out.

Catty catty catty at the mixer. Alone time with Tali. She asks what she talked to her uncle about, and she rolls her eyes. She says that it won't be that big of a deal, because she has talked to her parents about it. Right. Malissa and Anna have bonded, as they think they are the final two. Anna and Luke have a serious conversation about whether her modeling career and a serious relationship can work. Mandy is totally insecure, and shows it. She HAS to ask about the proposal question. He says he was just trying to gauge what they were really thinking. Mandy appreciates the assurance. He says Mandy may be clingy or needy. OR maybe she doesn't want to think about her dude wanting to marry another chick. Malissa and Luke hang out... and of course he brings up the babysitting. She kinda dances around and tells him what he wants to hear. He is on to her... time for the rings...

Blah blah, meeting your families gives me a glimpse into the future, starting a family.. blah blah. The girls still ponder what they have been pondering the whole time. Malissa is in. Tali is in... I lay money on Anna for the last ring.... OH SNAP. Mandy!!!! Anna is not pleased. He asks to walk her out... he thinks that she isn't ready for a relationship. He tells her that it is hard to see what it would be like being together. She whines... holds back the tears. She of course says the whole experience was great... blah blah. And she breaks. Cmon. what kind of model wear pink lipstick with a red dress.

AND TRAVEL DATE to somewhere I didn't catch because they were screaming.. oh Hawaii.

More to Love- sexy 6 down to 4

So, I have decided that if tonight's episode sucks, I am over this show. Let's see how it goes!

First- I am so glad I don't watch Hell's Kitchen. What a piece of shit show. If I wanted to hear an hour of yelling, I would watch political TV.

So, I think all the girls that are left have made out with Luke. I am glad he got rid of Lauren and Melissa. Those chicks bugged me hard core.

Why is it necessary to have clips of them eating? We get it. Mandy and Kristian are apparently going dancing. Kristian wished that Mandy breaks an ankle. These ladies were chosen because they are the best dancers in the house, as witnessed by the prom episode. Mandy has a pretty dress, but needs to wear a bra. Seriously. Kristian has quoted two movies in the last monute: "I've got moves you've never seen." My Best Friend's Wedding- and "it looks like two pigs wrestling uner a blanket."- Steel Magnolias. Apparently she is a Julia Roberts fan. They dance.

Back out the house, the four other girls make cupcakes and cards.

Back at the date- one on one time, and Kristian goes first. Luke has his shirt opened way to far, and has his collar popped up. Ew. Dirty dancing. She is "so in love!!" Yes, because that can happen when he is dating other women. Oooooh. Mandy sees their kiss and gets pissed. Hello, welcome to dating on a reality show.

Mandy wipes up her slobbery tears and goes on her one on one. She tells him that she is starting to shut down based on the circumstance. You know, like a normal person when they know that the person they like is dating someone else.

The remaining date is an adventure one on one date with Malissa. You know, the first one he made out with? The one that disappeared for awhile. And now begins the whining... Helicopter date!! Okay, side bar- how many of you have actually BEEN on a helicopter date? I know that I haven't. The way these reality shows do it, you would think it is standard protocol for date 5. They go to a vineyard to eat (duh- cuz they're heavy, get it?) and to drink. Their conversation is kinda lame, but they are feeling a connection.

Back at the house. Another letter that Kristian has found. Anna, Heather and Tali are "digging in" to another date. Theyu need to be ready for fun in the sun, aka... the beach. Tali is pissed bcause it is another date in a bathing suit. It is pretty lame. I would be pissed.

Back to thte date- picnic make out. She says she has always been curvier, but I remember and episode when Kristian called her out for not always being curvy. Hmmm. Me thinks her and Luke are lying..... and they will end up together and start a new show where they lose weight.

The next part of their date- the tandem bike. How dorky. Why are there random zebras on the vineyard? And... he broke the bike. And it is still the best date of her life. Of course.

The other girls are really jealous. Especially Anna, who, btw should not appear on camera withour makeup. And Malissa is in love, and Kristian is dying and questioning the love, because obviously she is the only one that loves him. She gets all self pity in the hot tub. And Heather feels bad because she isn't in love. Because most people don't after the first month. And the dramatic music comes in.

Beach date... ew. ew. ew. He just said maybe I can take my shirt off, and you guys can rub on me and rub some stuff in. Slapping some oil on me... I am so uncomfortable. He walks on the beach with Tali, who talks about how she is jealous, because the other girls are further ahead. She has a super cute cover up. He looks at her like he wants to eat her fce. Weird. He is so weird and creepy and slimy.

Back at the house. FYI- "romantical" is not a word, Kristian. And she is nasueous. Maybe she is carrying a miracle baby created through their love.

Back at the date- Anna is on the boat with him, and is talking about how all the girls are in love. Luke sees fireworks with them. I don't. Now he has alone time with Heather who ALSO complains about him seeing other girls. Heather is losing her grip on him, because he doesn't like her insecurity. Because at the end of the day, he isn't looking for a good friend, he is looking for a wife.

Time for the Mixer. He asks Mandy about a difficult time in her life. She had an eating disorder in highs school. They talk about how she is confident and confortable, and Kristian is creeping and analyzing their body language. Heather is stresssssssssing out. She has a chance to redeem herself on her one on one and tells him crying that she wants to stay around. He says he loves who she is.. blah blah, he really just looked freaked out. Anna is IN HIS FACE. Kristian is planning on telling him she loves him. And does it in three languages.... and makes hims guess. And she says she is falling deeply in love. And he breathes heavy and looks down. Always a good sign. It "touches his heart," and thanks her for opening up to him. She kinda lies a little bit to Tali about what his response was... Tali freaks out. She goes to get the dish from him, and confronts him. He tells her not to listen to the girls in the house, to listen to HIM and her heart. Vom. Now he says he has to break some hearts.

Elimination. Two are gone. (insert cliche about making the right decision) Kristian has lost he damn mind, and I am over her. Anna. Good Lord, she is TALL. Malissa. I am nervous that Heather is going to explode. Mandy. Tali has a death glare. One ring left... tali, heather and kristian are left.... he gives it to Tali. Holy SHIT. This is gonna get UGLY. Heather hugs him and cries, but still feels confident. He taught her to spread her wings.. vom. How embarrassing this is for Kristian, who says that she loves him, and she wishes him the best. He breathes heavily and walks out after her. She sobs into his suit. He says that he wants what is best for her, and that it isn't him. Because he is a slime.OMG. She is doing the gasping sob. Oh my. She hopes it wasn't her weight, because she is the biggest in the house. I can tell you that I am sure it wasn't your weight. It was more about you being a fucking psycho stalker.

Next week: all four girls get a one on one and their parents are there. And he asks Malissa's sister: "what would you do if i proposed to your sister." Okay. I'm in for another week. DARN YOU FOX!!!

More to Love- Now I know How Joel McHale Feels

YES! I love the episodes where the girls have to judge each other, and point out each other's flaws. :) In this show, they flip a paddle to signify "good wife" and "bad wife."

Kristian- apparently she is crazy and doesn't keep her cool. Duh.
Heather- Good wife, bubbly, fun and huge heart. Why is Malissa being nice? Lauren points out that it isn't about how nice people are, and takes it to the bitch level. :) Because apparently being kind to others is not as important as it is to be able to cook dinner.
That one girl- irrlevant.
Malissa- high maintenance.
Lauren- vulgar. haha.
Mel B.- get ready for the waterworks. you can tell because of the way the music changes. Bad wife. immature. needs more life experience. and voted the worst wife... girl. you are 21. get over it. you are not going to meet the love of your life on a reality show.

heather and mel b get alone dates. lauren is pissed because she has no alone time. because she is a bitch.

Mel B's date---she is so awkward. he needs a lady with confidence, he says... and she asked what he thinks about her... and he runs around the bush. and after a flash to the house, they have belly dancers arrive to the date. good Lord Mel b. get over it. grow a backbone. try some self affirmations. this girl needs a babysitter. she's out.

Heather gets to go somewhere with a ballgown... don't know where. I missed it. (stuff stuff stuff)
Now she gets drilled on what kind of mom she is gonna be. And he says... there is something i need to tell you.. it is weighing on me.. "i have three kids." cricket. cricket. he laughs. He just wanted to break the ice. And now he talks about how he is basically saving her life with his awesomeness. Wow, it must be amazing to be able to make so many people's lives now worth living. I need to meet him so that I can find my purpose in life. VOM. This guy has such a huge ego, it is gross.

OMG IT's MILEY!

Group date... the girls are talking about french kissing him. :) And, they are at a spa. And have to get a robe on and meet by the pool. what is the deal with him wanting them naked all the time. Malissa and him get a little bathroom hot tub action with her tiggo bitties (boyf says _ you notice that they cover his bitch tits with bubbles) popping out. All the girls are jealous. And Lauren asks if they french kissed. And Mandy cries. Guess what. You are on a reality dating show!!!! There is a girl on here who's name i don't know. Because she is irrelevant. OMG IF FOX PUT FOOTAGE OF ME PULLING MY BATHING SUIT OUT OF MY ASS I WOULD SUE. Oh yeah, Mandy gets alone time. She is gonna cry and get whiny. He wants to make out with her... because he is a perv. Apparently, it "did something to [his] heart." Yeah, the heart in his penis. Lauren gets alone time, while the others play with guacamole... and then Luke hears the fun and ditches Lauren. This is so turtles.

It's mixer time. Lauren gets some alone time.... he totally calls her out for being competitive. Mel B is spying. Umm. Mandy is not big. Like, maybe a size 10 on a bloated day. What the hell? They have a weird moment where he feels like he is hiding something. TWICE NOW, Mel B has said "so do you" in response to "you look beautiful." Um, guys are handsome. And he has changed her life, and she is in love. Anna looks like HELL with no makeup.

Here it is.... ooh. Emme says they could be one step closer to leaving with "their potential husband." Ha. Standard.. this is so hard... jerk, jerk... so close... Heather. i think she may be my new fave. Tali... lets back off on the lipstick. Malissa A. (he played a fun game where he paused, so they had to hear thelast initial). Mandy. Kristian. She is all smiles. Ok, one more... and these girls are nuts. Anna. hahahaha.

Lauren- basically laughs at him. FYI- he didn't choose you because a) you;re psycho. b) you have a boob tat. Mel B.- learn to love yourself. In a few ways. The other girls giggle when she leaves. Sad.

Next week---- drama with the sexy six. They better make this less predicatble. I'm bored.

More to Love- Prom!

The littlest sister is heading to U of AZ this week, so we are having some bonding time. I am typing this on her fancy new laptop. I remember when I went to college, and had to wait until second semester soph year before I got one… but I digress.

Sister has not seen an episode, and is not so excited to watch this… but oh well. I am the big sister, I win. The bet tonight- I guessed 8 will cry, work friend guessed 7, sister guessed 6. This is gonna be tight.

How freaking long is this recap??!!??Between the recap and my blog, everything is laid out, so feel free to join in anytime.

So- Kristian wanted the dirt on how bachelor looks in a bathing suit. Also- she says she wants to cover him in bbq sauce and eat him like a pork chop. Oh Lordie.

The Bachelor gives some bullshit about how growing up, a lot of us (he was not one) were pushed aside... blah blah. And he is taking them to prom. Fyi -I didn't go to prom. Now the girls tear open the boxes. looking for a dress. Now we get to hear how many went to prom. So far, Kristian- but she stole her friend's date for a photo. Some other chick took a friend. Lauren didn't go, bc the guy she was dating didn't realize it was her prom... Luke loves the ladies, and why is Melissa wearing white? and crying? she sucks. I hope she leaves.

Ew. there is a reality show about the Octomom. I agree with sister: " i hope that CPS sees this and takes her children away." That would be nice, but so would her being eaten by a bear.

Luke wants to give them the prom night they have always dreamed of. Also- it wasn't Luke's idea.. he just does what the producers tell him to do. Sister says.. " a lot of these girls aren't that big." Right? Kristian is a shitty dancer, and is getting a little fan girl. And she gets her kiss. Sister laughs. Ugh. Melissa can't dance... seems like crying is her main skill. Her prom was awful. How awkward is this... he dances with one at a time.. and the other girls just hang out. And- another kiss. WHOA! What is Emme doing here at the beginning of the show!! With a surprise!! His friends are here!! ... I hope one gets drunk and hit on a girl.. OOOOH! There will be a queen, who receives an individual date with Luke. And I don't know how they win, since sister was rambling. Chase is the frat friend. Who are some of these girls? Apparently Danielle is a plus size model, and Heather gets snubbed because she doesn't talk. Who is this lady in red? Have we seen her before? Oh- Mandy- she looks less like a dude. Amazing what a professional make up crew can do.

Now, it is time to announce who his best friends have picked as prom queen. Danielle. :) The receptionist that is pretending that she runs the whole organization. Lauren is a bitch, and Heather is sick of sharing him. Umm. You signed up for this. Danielle cries. (2) Bonnie- since when is the prom queen the most liked? I think you are confused with miss Congeniality. Danielle has been on three first dates... blah blah blah. He just stares. Maybe that is why you don;t get a second date. Just sayin. She doesn't eat seafood..

Back at the house.. the girls talk shit about Danielle.

Back at the date- Ew. She SLAMS the dessert. A chocolate covered banana. And keeps talking. With chunks of chocolate spewing from her mouth. He was wiped out from her. So, he wants to be quiet.. and she babbles. and says "i am still a virgin." AWKWARD. His response... " I like being on the water." She makes some lame mention of a fitting metaphor, looking out and seeing endless possibilities.

Luke is going to give Heather some one on one time. Why is Kristian wearing a cowboy hat? Hey Lauren... put the big eyes away and stop being a CU Next Tuesday, and maybe you might get more of what you want. Heather and Luke go to Trust Ranch. Luke asks the question everyone is thinking, "Is my horse going to mind that I am over 300 lbs?" It's cool.

Back at the house. Kristian tells Dani she wants to ring her next. Then Melissa B. ASKS K to tell her about her. She said that she thinks she is hiding something. AND THEN MELISSA SAYS SHE IS BEING ATTACKED. Hello you asked her opinion.

Back to the date- Heather talks about her singing career. Luke tells her to go for it, and she doesn't because of her size. AND she cries. She thinks Luke could love her, because she loves herself. And the kiss. Sister laughs. I think she is surprised by the amount of kissing. I forgot to warn her, and apparently she only reads the blog posts that "are interesting" to her. Doubt she'll read this. Lame.

I am a GLEEK. So is sister.

Now it is the evening mixer portion of the evening. It was so nice that blondie was out of this episode. Christina- you should be concerned, because I don't remember you. Luke and Lauren have a moment. Danielle- there is a difference between a "political campaign" and being emo in the corner. Jerk. OMG. Bonnie brings him a present, IN HER BOOBS. It is a drawing. Oy. Hey, Kristian. Dial it back. four days... you are falling for him?!?! HAHA. Sister is addicted. Kristian cries.

Ring time. Four go home. It is "a lot." You know, one more than last week, and one less than the week before. Malissa isn't as confident this week.

Here we go... Luke gives the same "luckiest guy" bullshit speech. Get to the good shit. I think I need four more criers to win... heather is in. Mandy is in. Why did he call her second? Anna- who are you? Shut up. Oh, he gives her a ring. Lauren. Of course. She is a drama creator. Just wit until we get to a "who would you vote off" show. She will be amazing. Tali- in. Melissa B is in. Malissa A looks pissed. Two rings... Malissa. And Kristian. So-- Bonnie is out. two lame girls whose name is don't remember are out, and the babbling brooke is out. One of the no names cries. Of course she is surprised by who stays. Bonnie does not cry. She is rocking. The other no name girl calls it out that she is prettier than the other that are her- specifically Mel B. Danielle pretends like she learned the biggest lesson. Wells, but no drop.

Yes!!! Next week the girls have to say why other girls suck!!! And Lauren is going to give a star performance. And there are so many questions!!!!

I got lost on the cry count--- but it was under 6- so work friend, you win. I hope this covers for you missing the episode.

More to Love- second helping

Gotta love a serious opening montage. Lots of "love," tears, kisses, attitude, etc. Love it even more when it is followed by a serious recap, of ONE episode. So- at work today, I bet a co-worker that 6 girls would cry this episode. She said they all will. Betcha I'm closer. :)

First dates!! Two group dates, and the girls get to pick the two groups. The captains are the skeezes that kissed him first. Now we get to relive Melissa's fear of being picked last. Whine. She gets picked fourth. Someone gets smart and realized that someone won't get picked, since there is an odd number. Bet ya she gets picked for the single date. Someone else bitches about being picked last for red rover. Last time I checked for red rover, you WANT someone to bust through a big line, so---- bigger is preferred. You don't want the skinny weak chick for that game. The kids at her school had no strategy. Ha- one girl tells us that Christina was picked last because she was a snob. Haha. And... she gets the single date. Reality show writers----- do you need me?!?

Team Melissa- Crusing out at dusk. Yay. Kristian called him the "bees knees." Love that phrase. Ooh, it is a crusie on the "dreamboat." I hope someone gets seasick and pukes off the side! Seriously... no sooner than I type that- and I get what I want. Hahaha. Talk about buzz kill. Heather was the puker, and she whines and cries.. Malissa is a bitch. No sympathy- and just says "got another one out of the way." Wow. How does Malissa get herself more alone time.... to MAKE OUT AGAIN! And while we are at it... why does she spell her name that way?
And- they eat a big steak dinner. I have officially chosen Kristian as my favorite. She calls Malissa out because apparently she hasn't always been fat, she just let herself go after high school. Kinda like the bachelor- so, funny how that works out. YAY Kristian gets one on one time with dessert. Oooh. He calls her a "special girl." Hm. Wait- I think I hated Kristian last show. Crap, I am such a hypocrite.
So- why does Heather have to sleep downstairs? Can't she take ome medicine and be social? He is such a player. He brings her upstairs to snuggle and chat. AND she cries. Again. Another cheek kiss. Another crying interview. This girl needs THERAPY. It is not healthy to cry that much. Maybe THAT's why you can't keep a boyfriend. I want to mute her, and I have only known her for 20 minutes.
I am concerned that Kristian is falling so quickly. I hope he doesn't break her heart. And I hope Malissa gets punched by another girl.

Lots of yelling-note from Luke- Christina has her one on one date. And she says "thanks for picking me last." And Melissa cries because she wants a one on one date. And there are some catty chicks here. Mandy likes dudes.
When he picks her up, he is excited. Apparently she has this aura about her that is "so sexy, and her body is banging." and she "has butterflies." This is the differnece between men and women. They are getting in a plane, and cuddling and cute.
(flash to the girls at the house) Kristian is falling in love, and the old lady is irritated.
(back to the date)- in Vegas, they roll up on Planet Hollywood. She tells him a cheating story about her ex. Always a good idea for a first date. Just lay all your insecurites on the table.
(house) Lauren is a Christina hater. Bonnie the tattoo girl is funny, and calls her the smelly kid in school that nobody wants to sit next to.
(date) in the suite -on the first date- and make out central!! well- just pecks. then time to jet set. He says that tired bullshit about whether they can "connect on a deeper level." What he means is- she doesn't make his soldier stand at attention. Those little pecks were lame.

Team Annahas a letter from the Bach-grab swim suits. People are FREAKED. This will be interesting. Also- Melissa is crying again. I am over the crying. Apparently- they are gonna "party, and have some drinks." That is his way of making them comfortable in swim suits. Calorie laden beverages. And Melissa cries again. Ok- is it necessary for the camera to do the up down with the camera? Luke jumps in with his shirt off. You know what would be better on this show? What would send a better message? If these women didn't hate themselves so damn much. So many are not happy with who they are, and I am having a hard time wondering why they would let Fox exploit them.
(back at the house) Mandy and Kristian leave notes.
(date)He starts playing with Lauren, and girls are getting jealous. I think Luke is wearing a Tiffany bracelet. He pulls aside the first date crier/puker for the first one on one of the date. She rambles inchorently about why she is on the show. And they end with a little peck, and she says its perfect. Lauren explains her agression. She says that basically she is the female version of him. And then he gives her the bedroom eyes and then they MAKE OUT. Arianne, the old cabaret dancer is uber jealous. Lauren basically says she could give a shit about the girls and their feelings. She has a one track mind.

Crap- I forgot to keep tabs of how many cried!!! I think three so far. So- we are on par for 6, including elimination.

Now the final mixer- Seriously, where do these girls find all these cute dresses? I can't find those over a size 6 (which I haven't been since 6th grade). Bonnie talks about how she is mushy and he shouldn't be afraid of the tattoos. And... Kristian is going into crazytown. She calls him the perfect man. HEY- HOLD YOUR CARDS!!! PLAY MYSTERIOUS!! DON'T BE PSYCHO. And... he plays the friendship card. Oh Lordie--- Heather pulls out the girls(her breasts) to make up for puking on the boat. AND kiss. WHOA! Lauren wants "to share really bad," and gossip. Here is the dirt:Arayan doesn't want kids (and is old). Vanessa is 32, and Lauren talks like she is 67. And Lauren is a catty bitch. Never the way to go. FYI- guys hate that catty girl shit. They don't get it- they aren't wired that way. I hope Melissa goes home- I might have to stop watching.

Oh yeah- Emme hosts this show. Mandy is in. Anna is in. We didn't really see much of them... Amanda- I don't even remember her in this episode. Malissa is a bitch- and is in. Christina is in. SHe looks at him like he's naked. Bonnie- der. Melissa cries again. Heather gets her ring. Lauren does too, so he can keep getting the dirt. Vanessa doesn't trust her. Danielle- don't remember her. Oh yeah, Tali looks like a dude. 2 rings left.... Melissa. ugh. She wears the worst dresses. And... drama drama... then he picks Kristian. The old lady is out, the red headed lawyer is out and some other chick. And she cries. Lawyer- misty eyed... and tears. Old lady.... she isn't that big, fyi. and... she cries... guess what!!?? that's 6. I am the winner. :)

OOOOOH! Next week is PROM! GOOD LORD, SOMEONE GET MELISSA SOME PROZAC!

Knew It- More to Love? More like More to Lie About

So- in case you didn't know, sometimes people on reality television shows embellish the truth in order to create a more interesting character. I know, I should have warned you to sit down. Well- apparently the slimy bachelor from More to Love (click here for my recap) is one of these people. I received an email from an equally addicted to reality tv co-worker this morning with evidence that the Big Bachelor used to be...wait for it..... a hunky high school football player. His ex-girlfriend (btw- fox should have given her $ early) told PopSugar that he was a stud, and released pictures of a time where he was supposedly "chubby." I will pause while you watch the link....

What a lying sleazeball, right!? No wonder he is perfectly comfortable flirting two girls at once, and making out with one while the other watched. It was probably a common occurrence every Friday night of 1998. I knew there was something fishy about that guy, because anyone who has really had their heart broken because of their weight/insecurities would be a little more sensitive of other's feelings.

Obviously he was just your classic high school football hero, and after he busted his knee freshman year of college, he lost his scholarship and joined a fraternity. From there, the booze pounds packed on. He probably couldn't keep his grades up, and landed a nice job at Hollywood Video. He stumbled upon an add on MySpace for a new realty show with some fatties, and he was like "this is IT!" Here is what I think his plan is.... get on this show... prove what a stud he is... pick some girl (only to break her heart) and then get some additional reality show about wanting to change his life, and be a healthier him. The new show chronicles his weight loss plan, etc. Because, I don't know if you have seen this, the Biggest Loser biggest successes are usually people that were former athletes. They have the drive/focus/experience but needed to get their asses back into the swing of things.

But now that everyone knows he wasn't really a chubster as he claims he was.... this is gonna get interesting. Will America forgive him for lying? The answer if, yes of course. Americans are stupid. I just hope Fox didn't spend too much money photoshopping him heavy in those HS pictures that they will no longer be able to use on the show.

And yes, I will of course keep watching the show. Puh-lease.

More to Love- My Next Application for TWOP

SO- since I am not always the most regular blogger, and I know you miss me, I thought I would try to blog about a tv show again, and bring some of my loyal readers back. This time, a suggestion from a co-worker really hit the spot. More to Love, aka The Bachelor for the Big Boned. Crying crazy girls? Always good tv, no mater what size. So- here goes.

I just barely caught the beginning. I was TRYING again to keep reading this book I am trying to finish, and fell asleep AGAIN. That is a blog for another day. More to Love starts like the basic Bachelor show, meeting the Bachelor who pretends to be more modest than he is. And he tries to say he "just needs love." I believe him as much as I believed Andrew Firestone.

We obviously need a host, and the guy from the Bach isn't allowed. So, we get Emme- wasn't she on a reality show? I swear she was. Or maybe on at MTV special. Years of reality television has really done a number on my memory. Anyhow, she is a well known plus size model, and I bet her and the ANTM cycle 10 winner were the major runners fore the gig. Liv Tyler's sister is too edgy for this.

No type? All women are beautiful. Same shit the bachelor says. So, here comes the first limo... Gooo! Boobs. Melissa with the double E's. Christina starts the whining. Heather is crying in the first 5 seconds. She is gonna be fun. Cute dress. Punk rock princess Bonnie, who wants to bake a pie and be a wife. Amanda Awkward- never had a boyf. Michelle the California girl. a crier too. Shit, 8 minutes in, and half have cried. She talks about enjoying life. But she cries. I am confused.

SUPER Quick commercial- next limo. Pale girl Anna who is intensely tall. And he TOTALLY scans her ass. And I like her the best' as she quotes Pat Benetar "love is a battlefield." Natasha is a rocket scientist, and a big dork. she looks way older than 25. Lauren is officially schoolgirl creeper. She bear hugs him. Teal is a good color for her. vaness is a major flirter and a little creepy. Wait--- did i miss a girl? with a beehive and fishnets? Melissa- Not a cute dress. Danielle- never had a second date. Mandy,teaches him to salsa dance in her 15 seconds. Hmmm. She also looks older than 25. Tally is from NY, but born and raised in Israel. And a 12 tear old comes in... what's her name? Kristian... I swear she didn't say it. She' s a teacher. Sweet. Another slutty hugger. with heels and hair 6'2, I like it. Arianne... she is being honest with her age. Sandy- a "farm girl." Sure, I believe that. This is a big limo..... Shari is a yo-yo er. AND THE HIGH VOICED MAGALI. I am going to hit her. Natalia likes to cook, and he says he likes "anything thick and juicy." Perv. Another crier.

20 women. Go back and count and make sure I didn't miss any. I will wait.... So, he starts a speech about how everyone here has been hurt by someone, etc. Because apparently that is exclusive to heavy people. And everyone gets a diamond ring, as his promise that he will like them for who they are. What a novel concept. If they take the ring, they have to promise to do the same. "Somebody that's gonna look inside you," yes, she just said that. Way to start it off with something serious... don't we usually work UP to the ring?

He is 26, and gives the standard "it's so humbling to be around all these wonderful women." He is now talking to the 12 year old. He is such a player-player. She is head over heels. AND here is a girl who quit her job to be on reality tv. Good for her. I hope she gets voted off. Idiot. And, every girl in the mansion is totally "his type." Wait- I thought he didn't have one. And let's pause for a moment. That concept has never made any sense to me. I have had a type since kindergarten, when I fell in love with George Michael (this is when he was dating women, and cmon, I was 5). I have a thing for dark haired light eyed guys. Always have I don't see a problem with it. But, people like to pretend like they can't be pinned down, or put into a box, so let's let them keep thinking that.

Do we really need to keep asking what the favorite food products are? And here comes the girl fights and interruptions. He is snuggling with two girls on the couch (told you he was a player) and a few other girls shoot daggers. And we again talk about meat. Gross. WHOA! First kiss goes to Anna. ANOTHER MEAT JOKE. Look, I like meat on a stick as much as the next... anddddd the drunk girl. The "farm raised" one. This next chick has never been on a date, and she said she only thinks people ask her ask a joke. Like in Never Been Kissed- remember when they egged her? SAD. She is still high pitched and annoying. ugh. Maybe THAT''s why guys don't like you.

AND crazy bitch jumps in the pool. The one that is always the best friend to the guys. Holy crap- this guy sounds EXACTLY like Judge Reinhold. Haha. Bonnie is an asshole. I like her. She called this girl ridiculous- and said she looked like an otter. :)

Same problem as always... so many girls, so little time. Oh, and the rocket scientist that thinks she is in danger because she is too smart. Yeah, probably. This IS a reality show. And then girls are sitting around and talking about how awesome he is... and how much in love they are. Because they have known this guy for 25 minutes. Yup, it's real. When the Bach asks Melissa a question, I am a little creeped out.. he is a PERV. And he asks for a kiss. This guy is kinda slimy. Let me tell you, he pulls ALL kind of tail, big and small; I am SURE of it. I learned from the teaching of my roommate's brother. He was in a frat, and told his little bro- "dude- it's a numbers game. girls like confidence. just keep asking, and enough will say yes to keep you busy." It works. That said little bro, prolly a good four inches shorter, and 7 years older than me had me all up in a tizzy 5 years ago. I think this guy learned that same lesson.

Sad- everyone has to give their rings back... he will only give rings to girls that make it through. I am still really uncomfortable with this idea... rings signify way too much.

Elimination time... he feels honored, blah blah standard shit. The future Mrs. Connelly could be in thsi room. Yup. Love in reality tv always works. First girl- Anna the first kissing skeeze/gigantor tall girl. Melissa A.- the second loose lip girl. Surprise. Magali- meh. Heather- the cutest dress I think. Mandy- and some girls shoot daggers, for a reason I don't know. Amanda- okay. Vanessa- the red head. Has Bonnie done her hair three differnt ways? Tali? the NYer. Lauren- .... Bonnie- Thanks goodness, I thought she was gonna kill someone. Christina-she seems nice. Dani- looks like jumping in the pool worked out. If allt hese girls do is cry, I am not gonna be able to do this. Arian? cougar. kristian, the 12 year old. How are these rings all fitting perfectly? And Emme comes out for the "only one ring." She is nearly worthless thus far. You can FEEEEEEL the desperation in this room. Mel B. One of the biggest criers, and the ugliest dress.

Now it's time for the awkward goodbyes. Fake "wish you the bests," and "great to meet yous." And he calls them al sweetie. Why is it so bright outside? Wasn't it night time? These exit interviews are depressing. Surprise, the rocket scientist is gone. And they don't even give her an exit interview.

And now he ends with the standard "humbling, etc." It may actually be the exact quote from earlier.

Clips from the future... this looks like it's gonna be good. Drama, prom, throwing flowers, make outs... yes. I am there.