AHHHHH! Kelly Clarkson

First, let me tell you that I think Kelly Clarkson is amazing. Second, let me tell you that I think he positive body image is admirable; I only wish I could appreciate myself as much as she does. Third, let me tell you that SELF magazine is a piece of shit publication. Apparently in their “Total Body Confidence Issue,”they decided to insert an article about Kelly Clarkson loving herself, but then delete a major portion of her body for the cover, via airbrushing.

What kind of message does this send? You can love your body, but we need you to be hotter to sell magazines? That is what I read into it, and I am sure I am not alone.

Photoshop is a great invention. Smooth out some lines, brush away cellulite- yeah, I get it- no one REALLY looks like that. But when you alter a person's picture to drop them 3 dress sizes, that is absolutely ridiculous and irresponsible. If you don't like the way she looks, find somebody else to put on the cover. I am sure Jennifer Love Hewitt would love some publicity. Or some work. Or just someone to give her the attention she is so desperate for.

MOVE, get out tha way!

I have always hated bicyclists. Well, not ALWAYS. My 8th grade math teacher was one, and any time we wanted to get out of a lesson, someone was nominated to ask her a question about it, and then we didn't have to do math that day. It was great. But somewhere along the time that I really started driving, I began to despise them. Not because they are involved in physical acticity, but because they think that they deserve teh same space on the road that a car does. That's just bullshit as far as I see it.
Where is this random rant coming from, you ask? This douchebag biking up Washington this morning while other people (LANES of them) were trying to drive to work.

Note- it is raining in Phx today

Please notice on your right: a cross walk, and a sidewalk. Apparently neither of these are good enough for this asshole. What happened when the light turned green, you ask? He cut me off, and started biking ahead of me at 13 mph. IN THE RIGHT HAND LANE! Hey- Lance Armstrong- this street isn't closed for a race. People are trying to get to work. Move the hell out of the way. Maybe try a bike path, or one of the many mountain paths, or shit- maybe just a side street. Regardless (side note: in case you didn't know, irregardless is not an actual word), you are not a vehicle and it just messes shit up when you pretend to be one.

More to Love- Prom!

The littlest sister is heading to U of AZ this week, so we are having some bonding time. I am typing this on her fancy new laptop. I remember when I went to college, and had to wait until second semester soph year before I got one… but I digress.

Sister has not seen an episode, and is not so excited to watch this… but oh well. I am the big sister, I win. The bet tonight- I guessed 8 will cry, work friend guessed 7, sister guessed 6. This is gonna be tight.

How freaking long is this recap??!!??Between the recap and my blog, everything is laid out, so feel free to join in anytime.

So- Kristian wanted the dirt on how bachelor looks in a bathing suit. Also- she says she wants to cover him in bbq sauce and eat him like a pork chop. Oh Lordie.

The Bachelor gives some bullshit about how growing up, a lot of us (he was not one) were pushed aside... blah blah. And he is taking them to prom. Fyi -I didn't go to prom. Now the girls tear open the boxes. looking for a dress. Now we get to hear how many went to prom. So far, Kristian- but she stole her friend's date for a photo. Some other chick took a friend. Lauren didn't go, bc the guy she was dating didn't realize it was her prom... Luke loves the ladies, and why is Melissa wearing white? and crying? she sucks. I hope she leaves.

Ew. there is a reality show about the Octomom. I agree with sister: " i hope that CPS sees this and takes her children away." That would be nice, but so would her being eaten by a bear.

Luke wants to give them the prom night they have always dreamed of. Also- it wasn't Luke's idea.. he just does what the producers tell him to do. Sister says.. " a lot of these girls aren't that big." Right? Kristian is a shitty dancer, and is getting a little fan girl. And she gets her kiss. Sister laughs. Ugh. Melissa can't dance... seems like crying is her main skill. Her prom was awful. How awkward is this... he dances with one at a time.. and the other girls just hang out. And- another kiss. WHOA! What is Emme doing here at the beginning of the show!! With a surprise!! His friends are here!! ... I hope one gets drunk and hit on a girl.. OOOOH! There will be a queen, who receives an individual date with Luke. And I don't know how they win, since sister was rambling. Chase is the frat friend. Who are some of these girls? Apparently Danielle is a plus size model, and Heather gets snubbed because she doesn't talk. Who is this lady in red? Have we seen her before? Oh- Mandy- she looks less like a dude. Amazing what a professional make up crew can do.

Now, it is time to announce who his best friends have picked as prom queen. Danielle. :) The receptionist that is pretending that she runs the whole organization. Lauren is a bitch, and Heather is sick of sharing him. Umm. You signed up for this. Danielle cries. (2) Bonnie- since when is the prom queen the most liked? I think you are confused with miss Congeniality. Danielle has been on three first dates... blah blah blah. He just stares. Maybe that is why you don;t get a second date. Just sayin. She doesn't eat seafood..

Back at the house.. the girls talk shit about Danielle.

Back at the date- Ew. She SLAMS the dessert. A chocolate covered banana. And keeps talking. With chunks of chocolate spewing from her mouth. He was wiped out from her. So, he wants to be quiet.. and she babbles. and says "i am still a virgin." AWKWARD. His response... " I like being on the water." She makes some lame mention of a fitting metaphor, looking out and seeing endless possibilities.

Luke is going to give Heather some one on one time. Why is Kristian wearing a cowboy hat? Hey Lauren... put the big eyes away and stop being a CU Next Tuesday, and maybe you might get more of what you want. Heather and Luke go to Trust Ranch. Luke asks the question everyone is thinking, "Is my horse going to mind that I am over 300 lbs?" It's cool.

Back at the house. Kristian tells Dani she wants to ring her next. Then Melissa B. ASKS K to tell her about her. She said that she thinks she is hiding something. AND THEN MELISSA SAYS SHE IS BEING ATTACKED. Hello you asked her opinion.

Back to the date- Heather talks about her singing career. Luke tells her to go for it, and she doesn't because of her size. AND she cries. She thinks Luke could love her, because she loves herself. And the kiss. Sister laughs. I think she is surprised by the amount of kissing. I forgot to warn her, and apparently she only reads the blog posts that "are interesting" to her. Doubt she'll read this. Lame.

I am a GLEEK. So is sister.

Now it is the evening mixer portion of the evening. It was so nice that blondie was out of this episode. Christina- you should be concerned, because I don't remember you. Luke and Lauren have a moment. Danielle- there is a difference between a "political campaign" and being emo in the corner. Jerk. OMG. Bonnie brings him a present, IN HER BOOBS. It is a drawing. Oy. Hey, Kristian. Dial it back. four days... you are falling for him?!?! HAHA. Sister is addicted. Kristian cries.

Ring time. Four go home. It is "a lot." You know, one more than last week, and one less than the week before. Malissa isn't as confident this week.

Here we go... Luke gives the same "luckiest guy" bullshit speech. Get to the good shit. I think I need four more criers to win... heather is in. Mandy is in. Why did he call her second? Anna- who are you? Shut up. Oh, he gives her a ring. Lauren. Of course. She is a drama creator. Just wit until we get to a "who would you vote off" show. She will be amazing. Tali- in. Melissa B is in. Malissa A looks pissed. Two rings... Malissa. And Kristian. So-- Bonnie is out. two lame girls whose name is don't remember are out, and the babbling brooke is out. One of the no names cries. Of course she is surprised by who stays. Bonnie does not cry. She is rocking. The other no name girl calls it out that she is prettier than the other that are her- specifically Mel B. Danielle pretends like she learned the biggest lesson. Wells, but no drop.

Yes!!! Next week the girls have to say why other girls suck!!! And Lauren is going to give a star performance. And there are so many questions!!!!

I got lost on the cry count--- but it was under 6- so work friend, you win. I hope this covers for you missing the episode.

Edward Cullen is a Creep

I must tell you, I have had numerous people tell me about Twilight. Some good, some bad. And from what I had heard, I was not impressed. But, because I feel that you shouldn't spout off about something you know nothing about- I decided to read it. I will tell you now, before you invest too much time, that I hated it. If that turns you off, click away now. I will also tell you that the fact that grown ass women find Edward Cullen to be an amazing man disgusts me. If that turns you off, click away now. It also is incredibly disturbing to me that young girls find Edward to be an ideal mate. If you don't want to hear about how he is an emotionally abusive asshole, then click away now.

So- for those 5 people that are still here with me, thanks. You may not agree with me, but I thank you for taking the time to hear me out. First, let me say that it has taken me a month to read this book. Granted, I was a little busy- but- unlike so many who have told me it was amazing, I fell asleep 9 times reading it. No exaggeration. Last night, I decided to focus and get this book out of my life.

I think part of my problem in reading the book, is that I had the actors in my head as the characters the whole time. And I am not entirely fond of them. In fact, thinking of RPats just creeps me out in general. I tried to get past it...but by no means is Stephanie Meyer a literary genius. She writes fiction for teenagers. Can't fault her for that, as I single handedly supported R.L. Stine and Ann M. Martin's career's during my teens. But- to say that she is a great author of our time, c'mon. Great authors of our time use a thesaurus. How many times can you say "dazzling" "sparkling" and "chagrin." I credit the dear friend who let me borrow her book for that knowledge, as she highlighted every occurrence in the 490 pages. Let me just tell you, it's a lot. I didn't REALLY get into the book until about page 345, when Bella is being hunted. That is when I started to turn the pages at rapid speed. The rest of the book was just too much set up, and the twist of the hunter being the one that created Alice was so juvenile. Because it is a book for teenagers.

You hear that, grown ass women who think Edward Cullen is a God? This book was written for teenagers. I have no problem if you want a light read. I really don't. Sometimes you just want something light hearted and entertaining. But when you cross over to this stage, you need to get a life. Yeah, I said it. Here is an excerpt from crazy town:

"In a way, Meyer has created the boyfriend we’d wish for our daughters and the cautious, responsible, gentlemanly son we’d be proud to call our own. Or, forgetting our age, she's created a character we wish could be our own love interest!"

Okay- Here is where I get to the serious stuff. Edward is not an amazing boyfriend. He is an abuser. Granted, we don't get to serious stuff until the last book (yes, I have heard about the sex scene), but there are so many red flags that it frighten me that girls think this is an ok relationship. Before you say I am overreacting, I would like you to take a look at something I became very familiar with in a college course that I not only took, but assisted in teaching for two semesters after. This is the wheel of violence.

Now, please allow me to show you the read flags that I found simply in the first book of the twilight series:
-playing mind games
-controlling what she does, who she sees, who she talks to (and follows up by eavesdropping!!)
-using jealousy to justify actions
-using male privilege (making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle")
-threatening to commit suicide
-making her do illegal things (or just lie to her dad and run away from home)
-blaming her (because she just can't seem to keep her little lamb ass out of danger)

Here is a pretty interesting article that I found that lines up personality traits of abusers with actions of Edward throughout the entire series. Since I haven't read the whole series, I will let you click through if you want some more back up. She even sites page numbers.

I don't even think I need to get into the other creepy things he does, like watching her sleep, smelling her, telling her he wants to eat her, allowing her to think for the first month that she was worthless and that he hated her.... that is all minor when you look at the big picture.

If you think I am being over dramatic, so be it. I just think that people should take a little more care in what their children are reading. After all, as a parent, it is up to you to teach your children love, respect and what constitutes a proper relationship.

And if you are just reading it for fun- by all means go ahead. I watch trashy reality shows, I can't judge you. I just hope you just take a moment to think about it from a different angle. That's all I ask.

Alright Twihards- let me have it!!!