I Popped My Rocky Horror Cherry

So, this weekend we went down to Tucson for my littlest sister's Family Weekend at the University of Arizona (BEAR DOWN). In putting the final plans together earlier in the week, I found out that my sister would get extra credit in her media arts class if she went to see the Midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Somehow, she forgot who I was for a moment, and was surprised by how excited I was to go. Not just go.... go in full costume. I'm a big drama geek- expect nothing less. The next couple days, we researched characters, got costumes together, and prepared ourselves for the fun. Everyone who had been to a shadow cast Rocky performance before told me it was awesome. For those that might be unfamiliar, let me take a step back. A shadow cast is when they play the film on the big screen, and then actors act it out with props and costumes on a stage in front of the screen. Over the past 30+ years, casts across the country have been putting together these shows for Rocky Horror, with the same fun interactive scenes played out: Throw rice at the wedding! Call Brad an asshole! Jump up and dance along! etc, etc. We looked up all these gags, and got ready for the participation.

On Saturday night, we spent three hours getting ready while watching the movie. We were excited to see other costumed attendees when we got to the movie theater. Marked with our "V" to signify that this was our first time (virgins), we headed into the theater. There was a little game before, an "initiation" of sorts to get the "virgins" good and prepared. After that, the movie was set to begin... I waited for instructions... maybe what to do during the movie... nothing. I figured we were good to have done our research, and all would just come to us as the movie was going on. I was completely wrong.

Before I discuss the negative aspects of the show, I will give the highlights. Magenta, Trixie/Columbia, Brad and Eddie: thank you for putting forth effort in both your costumes and performances. Most often, shadow cast members are responsible for their own costuming, and you all made every attention to detail imaginable. You knew the show, and your cues and you frequently helped others that had not done the same to prepare. Kudos to you, and you can ignore the rest of this post, because you are not included in it.

Alright- now for the constructive criticism. I have been to a shadow cast show before. I saw Repo! shadow cast performance for the film's director and co-writer/actor at Chandler Cinemas before it closed. :( The actors and crew really put on a great show. The audience was engaged and excited. Knowing a few of the actors involved, I know that the cast worked hard at their weekly rehearsals. I cannot say the same for this cast.

Most of the cast (minus the previously noted) seemed distracted and unsure of their cues. Their lines were shaky, and their movements hesitant. Costumes left a lot to be desired. I know that multiple costume changes get expensive. But if the four of us were able to get something together in just 4 days- I would expect someone interested enough in joining the CAST would make more effort. Tucson has some of the best thrift stores I have ever seen, and there are PLENTY of websites that help with costume tips and tricks. This was my favorite. I am not going to call out the other cast members individually, but I will say this: there is a difference between looking creepy/disconnected, and giving an apathetic performance, and, if you are going to look like a deer in headlights, try not to get high before the performance. Also- it is helpful if you give the same level of performance all throughout. If YOU'RE bored- imagine how we felt.

In preparing for the show, I was excited for the "audience interaction" with the props and yelling. NONE of it happened. We had rice in our bags for the wedding scene... nothing. We had water guns prepared for the rain scene... nothing. We were able to do the time warp....So, there's that. There was some yelling from the crowd. One guy- obviously assigned by the cast- was the ring leader. He seemed to be going through the motions, and was giving his canned speech with his cues, seeming almost bothered to do so. Another guy, a "friend if the cast" decided to help by yelling half of the same lines just about two beats behind the other guy. There wasn't a chance we were going to hear what was going on and understand it. Half the time, the cast seemed to feel overshadowed by them, and watched them instead of performing. And, coming from someone who swears like a fucking sailor... let me tell you this: using the word "fuck" multiple times in every sentence doesn't make you edgy... it makes you crude. There are plenty more jokes to be made, you don't have to hang out in the gutter. Yeah, there's a lot of sex in the movie. Yeah, there are gay people. Yes, gay guys fuck each other in the ass. I GET IT. Did you hear audience 's laughter towards the end? No? Nothing? Yeah, it's because they had become totally disengaged. We ended up leaving just before the show ended, as we had gotten totally irritated by the entire production.

I get that you all have a bunch of fun together, hanging out, "practicing" etc. But, at some point, you have to realize that there are other people in the audience that paid to see a show, not two hours of your inside jokes. I have wanted to see a Rocky Horror Shadow Cast ever since I knew it existed. I was so looking forward to it, and told everyone I knew that I was going. When it was a disappointment, I was really sad. I WANTED it to be great. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

I hope that with this post, I can prevent someone else from having a bad Rocky experience. I hope that the cast and crew can realize that people do want to see a good show, and I hope that this motivates them to get it together.

I want to see a real shadow cast production. Has anyone seen it now that it has moved from Chandler Cinemas to the theater on Mill Ave? I want to sew up my Rocky Horror hymen and get it popped for real.

For those that want to see, here is me:

I made the sequined glove in the backseat while we drove from Phx to Tucson.
Also- I decided I wasn't ready to wear just my underwear in public.

Monday, Monday- can't trust that day...

I was signing in to put up a typical post, bitching about whatever- and I realized this is my 60th post. I feel a little pressure to have this be special... so, when I bitch, I will try to be funny and insert interesting anecdotes. You know, just like Denis Leary (yes, it is one n).

Things that have driven me crazy over the last month:

- When people are late to a meeting/date by more than ten minutes. Even if you let me know you are going to be late, if you do it regularly, I assume you don't value my time. Learn how to schedule better.

- The fact that people think they are ACTUAL FRIENDS with celebrities when they follow them on Twitter. I nearly shit myself when Adam Richman tweeted me back, but I have a clear understanding that we don't actually know each other, and I don't hold him to some weird standard of friendship (like some weirdo creepers on his page do).

- While we are on the subject of Twitter- just because you can put 140 characters up every minute doesn't mean what you have to say is relevant. Anyone can type into a box. Monkeys can do that. Is this person even using English?

-Loud talkers. YOU ARE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I CAN HEAR YOU WITHOUT YOU YELLING. IT IS CALLED AN INSIDE VOICE FOR A REASON.

-Old people that curse the internet/cell phones/email. I am sure that those wretched automobiles took a little while to get used to as well. But, c'mon. This cursed internet thing isn't going away anytime soon. Either get on board, or STFU. Larry King does it.

- Crappy protest signs. If you want people to think you are legitimate, take the time to : spell check, use a ruler, try a marker.

-The media. Lame reports on shit that isn't news. Kate Gosselin is not news. You know what else isn't news? Taking sound bits from crazy people that just want to stir shit up. Or basically just saying whatever you want to get viewers.

- While we are on lame sound bits- anyone who doesn't actually know anything they are talking about when it comes to politics and world events can STFU. Don't care if you are red or blue, if your statement comes from the land of bullshit, I don't want to hear it.

- Unprofessional relationships with your boss. There is really no reason to be text messaging your boss past 8 pm any day of the work week and anytime that is not between noon and 5 on the weekend (if your job requires that). Especially if your boss is of the opposite sex. Since when is that acceptable behavior?

- People who are never happy. Granted, I bitched this whole post. But, I am a happy person otherwise. I have friends that I adore, a family I couldn't live without, a boyfriend that makes me laugh, and a job that keeps me entertained(with fun co-workers to boot!) All those thongs things are what help me get my head back in the game after a rough day. If every day is a bad day, and nothing makes you happy- figure some shit out, because life could be a whole hell of a lot worse.

can we just end on time once ?

Holy fucking shit. Quinten Tarantino is on tonight. The theme this week is songs from a movie. Let's hope someone does My Heart Will Go On. My bet is on that one chick that always sings stuff from the 90's.
Judge intros- Randy looks stupid. Kara's hair is bad. Paula is wearing an evening gown, Simon blames the girls for running over last week. Totally true.

So, in case you didn't know who Quentin Tarantino was, here is a montage. I hope that the edgy kid redoes Stuck in the Middle With You, complete with one bloody ear. Wait, that's right. He did this in Season three, a.k.a. the year I didn't really watch. He is a fan.

Allison- "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing." It kills me that this is Aerosmith's only number one single , because this song is stupid. What is that outfit? Are those stirrup pants? She is lucky she has a killer voice, because her outfits are terrible. Apparently they are being serious, and only letting two judges talk. Really doesn't matter, since Randy just says whatever Simon does, unless he goes first- and then he just uses "dawg" a lot, and talks about his level of "feeling it."

Anoop, the prick- is singing "Everything I Do, I Do It For You." Quentin is not impressed, and tells him not pump it up a notch, and not deliver a lame karaoke performance. Apparently he choses not to listen to Tarantino- yeah, that is always a good move. NOT. So, in fifth grade, we had to do this lame teacher thank you assembly for our team teachers and we had to sing this song. I never really got it. Because yeah, we did stuff for our teachers- but because we had no choice. Or maybe they did everything for us- I don't know- the mom that picked it was really inspired. We just wanted to pass fifth grade and get to middle school. Randy and Kara like it, but they are dumb.

Adam- He is doing Born to Be Wild- and apparently only gave Quentin a sneak peek. It is kind of a Billy Idolesque turn..... Not really taking liberties with the melody. Maybe he is bored. Well, he rocked the chorus a little... This is really just a rock song that the little girls will like. That is who dials anyway, and the grown-ups that watch this for legitimate purposes need to remember that. Yeah, you don't get Adam. But your niece does. And she is a text machine. And if you are an adult watching this show with a legitimate interest in artistry, you are lame. There- I said it. Paula needs to change her panties- Simon calls it a little Rocky Horror - and Adam loves Rocky Horror ! Find that hard to believe. Ha. Also-in case you don't click through on the links- I insert funny, yet relevant pictures. So click.

Justin Timberlake guy is on Stool Time with Ryan. I don't know what he is saying because I am too busy telling the roomie about a horrible dream I had last night- So Quentin tells him to enunciate. Thank God. This man is a genius. Do we really have another Brian Adams song? Granted, "When You Love a Woman" is leaps and bounds better- oh God this is pitchy. Ugh. Well, at least Bryan Adams can make a little money in royalties and get some more microdermabrasion .

I have a date planned with my littlest sister to go see "17 Again." I hope she doesn't ditch me for her friends, because I really don't want to use one of my 'girl movie vouchers' that the boyf gave me for Christmas on that.

Danny Gokey- "Stool Time With Ryan" tells us that Gokey bought a guitar. He is such a poser. HAHAHA. "Endless LOVE." Did you know that he has a dead wife that is his endless love?!?! Fucking shit you stupid tool. I hate you .

I am in love with Kris. Officially. I don't know that song, because someone was talking... but it was great. Randy is worthless.

Lil is singing "The Rose." A big ballad from a power singer popular 15 years ago. Surprise! My father taught me a valuable lesson many years ago. "Marissa, there are people that get it, and people that don't. If they don't get it, they never will- and nothing you can do can force them to get it. " Very valuable lesson to learn. I am glad I found out early. It is helpful in choosing work and friend partners,etc. Helps with my frustration levels. Lil doesn't get it. She is so dated. It cracks me up that Paula is getting semi- legitimate criticism and talking about chords, and blah blah. Thank you Simon for calling her out again... And she gets defensive and says she put an R & B feel to it. Which is not true. AND fucking Paula quoting Dr.Suess . I want to stab her. Paula- we are running over- you had your chance- STFU.

I am irritated this week- and I hope tomorrow we can finally use that stupid judges save billshit, so we can stop hearing about it.

I'm not really listening

I am becoming more like my father every day. I just don't really have the time/desire to listen to rambling stories. Even though I ramble myself.... Well, at least my stories are interesting. ;) Here are a few times that I can tell you, with about 95% certainty, that I am NOT listening:

- I walk into your office with a strict purpose, and you chose to discuss something totally unrelated, at length.

- Your story fails to get to a point... OR you have a point, but tell the story in such a monotonous way, that I can't tell when you are getting to the end of it... so that I can pretend like I was listening.

- If I have heard this story before.

- If I am watching television.

- If I am on facebook.

- If I am changing lanes on the freeway.

- If you have called, and I answer (knowing that sending you to voice mail is not an option)- immediately telling you that I am making dinner, in the bathroom, etc - and you chose to spend more than your allotted 45 seconds to tell me why you are calling.

- If I know that I will never be held accountable for remembering it.

- If I know that I am going to hear it again... either by just merely being present when you are telling someone else, or you forgetting you told me in the first place.


So, I am kind of a jerk like that. I don't find it irrational though, to ask of you to speak briefly, or at the very least, make it interesting. As someone who has a tendency to ramble, I have learned to "know my audience." I ask you to do the same.

;)