Idol Recap- Let's Talk About Chicks, Man

It's the time of year where I actually get regular readers to my blog! Yay! I have decided to start blogging about Idol earlier in the season than normal. I NEVER blog during the audition process, because I spend most of that time yelling at my tv when Randy says 200 million thousand percent yes. That isn't a real number. Yes is 100%. No is 0%. Maybe could be 45-65%.

If you are new- here is the drill:
- I live blog, and type as I watch. You are getting straight up reactions about the performance.
- I could care less about the sob stories and life dreams. I won't even remember their names on call until there are only 8 left. There will be nicknames and usually not nice ones.
- I swear. That won't change. If that offends you, there are plenty of other recaps to read. :)
- My musical talent is average. I can carry a tune, but by no means am I a vocalist. I just like reality tv, and people read this- so it makes me feel special. ;)

Here we go!!

This is the first year with Ellen, and I have friends that used to IdolBlog, but refuse to now because of her. I agree that Ellen will probably mess things up, but this is my last year as an IdolBlogger, as it is Simon's last year. The show will be useless without him. We open with what is expected to be the first of MANY time consuming Ellen produced joke pieces. This one is about how she can't sit next to Simon because he is feely. Simon fake laughs, but even he wants to get to the meat of the show. We don't actually get to the performances until about 7:12. This is the crap that makes them run over.

Tonight- we hear about the ladies.... here are my BRIEF recaps:

Paige Miles- "All Right Now" She decides not to change the lyrics, so the "hey there is a hot chick over there, maybe she wants to make out" concept stays. She does this annoying tapping the fingers on the mic crap. And that annoying "let me show you I can hit a million different notes within 8 seconds" bit. Meh. Lame. Simon says that it is a terrible song choice, and he is right. The rest of the judges then take sides, for the first of many times, as if the rest of their opinions matter.

Ashley Rodriguez- "Happy" I don't know this song, so I can't compare. Holding the mic a little close- I don't need to hear every breath and spittle. She has a nice voice, but I am bored. The judges all agree. Simon hates it, and tells her she is going backwards. Kara's hair looks stupid. She needs to realize how old she really is, girl.

Janelle Wheeler- "What About Love?"- I love Heart. And this girl was likeable, until she started singing. It pains me when people mess up awesome songs. Flat. Nervous. Forgettable. OUCH. Off key. ROUUUUUUGH at the end. She is about to cry, and she should. It sucked. Judges agree- her voice isn't big enough for that song.

Lilly Scott-"Fixing a Hole"- Ugh, the gray hair is weird. What is the standard spelling for gray? I like it better with the "a." She picks a relatively unknown Beatles song. Probably during their really stoned stage. That is when I lose contact, as I am not a pot smoking hippie. She has one of those "unique" voices. I don't mind it, I am just nervous about what happens during Disco week- if she makes it that far. Wow. Major eye sex with the camera. Ellen loves her, Simon says he doesn't feel the star power, but she is the best so far. Randy says she is a real "indie artist." What was your first clue, dude? She has gray hair and plays a guitar. She isn't exactly the next big thing for Gospel.

Katelin Epperley- "Oh Darling"She has big blonde curly hair, and with that bow in it, she looks like "Like a Virgin Madonna." Someone sings this song each season. She is confident, and I don't really know how I feel about her. Simon does- he likes her, but thinks she is rough around the edges. Kara uses some technical terms like "melodies" and "register." She did that last season, and I liked her better then. She says she hates the makeover. Ellen says what I was thinking- "I couldn't tell if you were trying too hard, but I still like ya." ummmmm Kara just said the b-word. Family show, Kara. We only use sexual innuendo that goes over the kiddies heads, not straight up cursing.

Haely Vaughn -"I Wanna Hold Your Hand" GUMS. The lisp is annoying. She is doing the Hold Your Hand melody from Across the Universe. Well, she was. And then she yells/screeches... and yodels. Make her stop. Ears bleeding. Dogs across the neighborhood are barking. Seriously. Kara pulls a "Paula," and says "technically it sucked, but you lit up the stage, you really had fun up there." I don't care if she is having fun- it was awful. Randy says the notes are "not quite as pleasing as they could be." I guess that is a nicer way to put it. Ellen blah blah blah. Simon- "wind up doll that never stopped smiling." :) "A complete utter mess." Love him.

Lacey Brown- "Landslide" I don't even remember her. Her southern belle voice doesn't mix with her electric red pixie cut. Nasally, sharp. It is like she has never heard herself sing with a mic. The arrangement sucks. The Idol guys in the audience are kind of looking at each other uncomfortably. Randy- "terrible and PITCHY." In case you are new to Idol, that is one of his buzz words. Ellen says she is better than that. Simon said it was indulgent and was waiting for it to end. She can leave. I wouldn't remember her if she showed up on a future season of Celeb Rehab. Now she is getting sassy about the criticism. Kiss of Death. Smell ya later, bitch. You can't get sassy with the judges until you have successfully made it through 4 weeks not being in the bottom 3.

Michelle Delamor- "Falling" I have no idea who this chick is. They try to give her some extra screen time by asking her some random crap. How many times do we have to hear this song on this show? Wow. Arms spread. Lights up. Hot the drums. Las Vegas show style. Willing to bet that Simon calls it "Cruise Ship." Ellen loves it. Simon says it sounds close- but not as good as the original. Says she needs to be different, but she has done enough to move on. Kara does the head bobbing thing that she does when she talks to the "soul sisters. "She goes from sass to straight laced faster that Tyra Banks.

Didi Benami-"The Way I Am"- This is the perfect song for her. I love Ingrid Michaelson. She is even able to make it a little different. But Simon thinks it is indulgent- and too many girls are trying to be the same kind of different. Kara is actually familiar with the song, and tells them that she is making changes. I don't like her name.

Siobhan Magnus-"Wicked Game" She never should have gotten into the top 24.She looked like she was terrified/in pain at her last performance. Wow. She is singing like a dude. Her stage presence is better. And she has definitely been made over. I am starting to like her. A lot, actually. Kara brings up that it is nasally. And Randy liked the second verse better. Simon calls her a "funny little thing." Simon wants to know why she picked it--- she wanted them to see her softer side. She finds the song haunting. Simon looks like he is afraid she would kill him. Randy proves he is dumb by totally not getting a "she can blow" joke. Because she is a glass blower. Get it?

Crystal Bowersocks- "Hand in My Pocket" Dirty hippie. Dreadlocks gross me out. What is IN there? This is a way more likeable version than what Alanis originally did. I always skipped this song on the album, because I don't like yodeling. Except when Jewel does it. I dig that this chick plays the harmonica. Randy thinks she's honest and she's gonna "do her thing." Simon says yeah-" we like you, we like your baby, but there are a million of you standing outside a Subway." :)

Katie Stevens- "Feeling Good" We get to hear this for the 8,392 time on this show. I used to like her. Way too much voice for a 17 year old. It's trippy. She is doing this bouncy bop thing I don't really care for. That "I don't want to dance, but I have to do SOMETHING thing." Ellen thinks it is too old for her. And then repeats it a million times. And Simon agrees. And said it started to become annoying for that reason. "very pageanty." Randy tries to get technical. She handles that criticism like a pro, and says she can definitely make the changes, and she agrees with what the judges say. Nicely coached.

So- vote if you want. I don't. We've got the dudes tomorrow. I hate these dancing montages. They look stupid. Until tomorrow.