All Right... NOW I am Jealous

So, some of you may have read my lame photo blog the other day from "working with a bear." He was stuffed. Today, I saw this. This guy gets to hang out with a bear ALL day, EVERY day. I have already entered in my cell phone number for a text reminder when it airs on National Geographic.

What the hell? I have a stuffed bear, and this guy gets a real live one?!?! Seems a little unfair to me. Asshole.

Best part of the website? Are You Bear Aware? It has video blogs about what it is like living with a Bear. National Geographic is AMAZING.

The Last Dance for Two of the Three I Hate Most on Idol

Well- you get a double blog today. Just posted my experience about working with a bear, because I am ridiculous.

The opening on Idol tonight was so funny dramatic, and just proved the Lil is an idiot, AND a bitch.

I think Ryan just may have said that Paula choreographed tonight. This is a fun little segment- part "pimp Paula" and part "now that the blind guy is gone, we can get freaky." You forgot about the blind guy , didn't you?!?! Also- I don't think Adam has ever done hard labor in his life. Bottom all the way.

So- they are wearing ridiculous outfits. And we are back to the pre-recorded medleys- because obviously people can't sing and dance at the same time. Oh. Wait. It's called Broadway and it is totally possible. THOSE people are real performers. Holy shit this is awful. Things we know: Adam has got the hip action down- Matt is good pre-recorded- Danny Gokey should break a leg before the tour and stop this dancing nonsense- Paula is really trying to show her (limited) value this year- and apparently there were other disco artists than Donna Summer (that's for you, Kenn)- and Kris is adorable in anything.

So- just got a google message from the boyf, telling me he knew who was kicked off tonight. I told him that I already knew one, since my NY friend spilled the beans on Facebook. She is a crazy Matt fan, so she dialed for two hours on her NY phone, and then two hours on her AZ phone for Matt. I am telling you- saving him last week was totally part of the plan, and his fans (like my crazy friend) made it happen. He is safe. And I know one of the people who leaves. I made it clear that I want the rest to be a surprise. I think from here on out, I will have to avoid all social media on Wednesday nights. Because people really show their cuckoo colors now. This friend is one of theose Idol fans I make fun of (to her face, don't worry) because they really get attached to people. I won't name her- but she can own it in the comments if she wants.

These Ford commercials are tardo. And these are the worst lip synchers in the world. I love that most of them are in on the joke, and totally laugh. When do those stop? Isn't Ford bankrupt yet? Or are these marketing dollars really worth it?

Lil- has terrible huge earrings. The lights are too low... Ryan totally cock teases her... says "you really want this don't you.... we really need someone like you.... come over here." She is taken to the other side of the stage. And then he says "Lil Rounds, so tough- mother of three- and BIG LOSER BECAUSE SHE IS OUT." Wow. Just ripped it like a band-aid. NOW I am cranky, because Lil was the one I didn't know went home. Well, I mean I KNEW because I can predict the movements ofAmerica. So, essentially the rest of the evening is just watching the episode, knowing what is going to happen.

Blah blah blah. Send her home already. Where is the video montage?! Waa waaa. Also- her hair looks better longer, for sure.

Okay- now we have a medley of disco singers from "before we were born." BTW Ryan- YOU are old. Last time I checked, Disco was alive in 1974 . "Band of Gold" Lady- Botox forehead- nice arms- tiggo bitties. Working hard for the money, so you better treat her right. Song is a little long... she is too od to keep pace with this and is panting from too much choreography. Thelma Houston with a dead bird on her head, and totally missed her intro. "Don't Leave Me This Way." She says "Simon, please don't leave me this way." Love it. Her boobs look like they are trying to make an exit. KC without the Sunshine Band. I hate that stupid earring. You would think he gave it up by now. He has some old lady dancers, nice work.

I am really excited for this "Glee" show.

So- here we go... Kris is safe. Duh. Now we talk to Adam.. blah blah... "risk" blah blah "lyrics." Thanks Ryan for curtly telling him to take a seat because he is safe. Danny Gokey, ass clown extraordinare. Whoa... Simon just licked his lips and it made me feel funny. Oh Jesus- the clumsy thing.... apparentlythe "bloggers" thought is was harsh. NOT THIS BLOGGER. Danny says he meditated on it. blah. blah- ass clown is safe. Surprise.... he is so excited, but it is really just postponing the inevitable. Anoop- Did his eyebrows grow from last night!? Ryan is "getting right to it" tongiht. I like the take charge attitude. Allison- and Matt please stand. Allison's hair looks semi- normal. I mean, for fuschia hair. Matt- the thing on his forehead bothers me. And he looks like he is gonna cry. He is so goofy. One of these tow schmoes is bottom two. And Matt is totally safe. Wow. I thought he was gonna be in the bottom and then saved... but he is not even there... WOW. Simon really put the fear in the Matt fans. My aforementioned friend actually fell asleep cell phone in hand. They are dedicated. And, it is time for Allison to get a reality check, and stop dressing like a little girl going ape shit in her mom's closet .

David Archuleta sucks. My sister (the Marine) stopped by to borrow my camera and saw him. She said "why does he need a girl back up singer? He IS a girl." HE WAS JUMPING ON THE STAGE. Lame. Blah Blah.

Here is a random story that is more interesting than Idol. Apprently, the parents got the garage floor recovered today. As it was drying, a brave lizard thought he would travel across it, and got stuck. My sister didn't want to smash it and ruin the wet floor. But couldn't peel it either. She asked my dad what to do, and he said to wait until it died to clean it up. My sister said "It could take three days." My dad said, "well it's his fault." Haha. My dad is an ass.
Apparenlty his $900 floor > a lizard's life.

Anoop goes home. Thank goodness. We hear him sing one last time, and then he says he is ready to go home to Chapel Hill and rake in a good few good lays before he falls off the face of the Earth.

Here is a joint goodbye montage. I would be PISSED if I was around this long, and was part of a joint montage. Well- at least we ended on time.

Okay- so sister says..."wait, what's her name?" I say "Lil." She stares. Much like the boyf did a few weeks ago when he asked the same question. To her, I said... "Lil- Like Phil and Lil." And my sister smiles and says "she was named after a Rugrat ?"

Hanging with Mr. Bearington

So, after I called her out in the blog last night, SUPER Intern showed up today with a bear. In a suit. Absolutely RAD. The following is a photo blog of our day together.


8:30 a.m.- Reported to duty (he could come in late on his first day)



8:55 a.m. Checked messages- made some calls.


9:12 a.m. First trip of many to the printer.


9:15 a.m. Caught up on some water cooler talk with a co-worker (one that was not particularly amused by a bear shadowing all day- one recently married McGrumperston- she knows who she is).


9:24 a.m. Grabbed the projector from the I.T. room for a lunch meeting.


9:35 a.m. Made a lame joke about bringing home the money to the Mrs. Ugh.


9:48 a.m. Got some green tea before a meeting.


10:03 a.m. Meeting with the Marketing Team about some signage.


10:17 a.m. Got caught by the receptionist trying to make a butt photo copy.


10:21a.m. Stopped by the mailbox on the way back to my office.



10:22 Said hi to Kenn and played with the "easy buttons."


10:58 a.m. Headed to a luncheon... (this is when I got a really confused look from my boss)


1:23 p.m. Mr. Bearington pretends to be the speaker! (FYI: A convo with the boss about the reason for dragging a bear around all day is hilarious. She knows I am crazy, and laughed.)


1:38 p.m. Helping the I.T. guy with some computer updates. (He wasn't really surprised that I had a bear with me all day.)


2:18 p.m. Brief "joy break" with a Television Without Pity Idol Recap. I would link it, but I would be afraid you would think they are funnier, and stop reading my blog.


2:58 p.m. Video review for an upcoming program(that's why it is so dark)

At the end of the day, I had a few other things to finish for an early meeting tomorrow. He totally took a nap. I tried to add the picture, but my phone is stupid.

So- moral of the story in working with a bear. They are fun and amusing, but not necessarily the hardest workers.

You Should BE Dancing, YEAH

So, that few minutes before Idol starts where I watch TMZ makes me dumber.

I love the dramatic open about the "judges save." Duh. Of course we are gonna leave it to the end... and send home two, when there are three that suck.It is simple people, seriously. So, if we have an open that tells us about it, why do we need Ryan to tell us again? This is how we run over.

This week is Disco, by far the best week of every Idol season. Why? Because it separates the "I have a really great story that suckers America" and the people that are legitimately marketable.I have been so excited all day! So, we will have idiots like Llil and Anoop that are EPIC Fails, and rock stars like Adam that make it their own. Someone should just rent a Baz Luhrmann film, and do disco like he does. I hope that Adam does that Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain song.

Lil- "I'm every woman." Who is surprised? Not me. She picked some big song, and didn't change a thing. Apparently the past 6 weeks of the judges telling her to stop doing lame karaoke versions and to make it her own never happened. Simon, you should have just talked to a wall. One good thing: hair extensions. She actually looks her age. She is an idiot. Kara has the best line ever: "you've been every woman on that stage, blah blah because you haven't been yourself." Haha. Paula babbles about an "inner goddess" and tries to guilt the audience into voting because Lil was sick yesterday. Simon says she's gone. "Copycat." Duh. Why do we care about her feedback? AND she is disagreeing. Because she is STUPID.

Stool Time with Ryan. Kris is adorable.

Kris Allen- Donna Summer- "She Works Hard for the Money." He is so freaking cute, and totally gets it. He does a Jason Mraz/Kenny Loggins hot acoustic version. And we are in love. THIS is what disco night is about. His wife is less cute, and they are not tagging her as his wife in the lower third anymore.Bye bye starter wife. Paula says something lame about "shopping in the womens' dept" and Simon calls her crazy. Simon loves Kris. There is a weird light on Randy- and he looks like an angel.

Earth Wind and Fire- Danny Gokey- "September." I want to kick him in the nards. What do you know? One of the lame ones that is only there because America loves a dead wife does a lame karaoke version. Because, c'mon... he is not EWF material. Because he is a dorky white guy. FYI Paula: THIS woman does not think Danny Gokey is sexy. Thanks Simon for keeping it real.

Allison in a terrible outfit. "Hot Stuff." I was concerned, because there are flames all over the stage. But she rocks it slow in the beginning. And continues to rock it. But good God. That OUTFIT. I get that she wanted to use the disco ball idea, and that she wanted to use the cool 70's suit tails. And she wanted to use the blue eye shadow and the mini boots.... but do we need it all at once? It his hilarious to me that she looks surprised that he says she is one of the best singers in the competition. Paula tries SO HARD to sound relevant. Maybe she should take two steps forward, and two steps back.

I love this stupid Burger King SpongeBob commercial. It cracks me up that people say that it is "teaching obesity and sexuality to your kids." Right... because THAT is where they picked it up. Not you stuffing your face and watching basic cable. Get over it people. Television is not responsible for raising your kid.... you are. It's called parenting. Read a book about it.

Stool time with Ryan. Apparently Adam chose "If I Can't Have You, I Don't Want Nobody" because it is more personal to him...little gay boys across the country are moved. Did you know that he is gonna win? Haha. PAULA IS CRYING. So, she needs to get her hormones checked. It is time for the change of life. I love that Simon can be relevant by just speaking the truth. Thank you Adam for acknowledging that someone helped with that arrangement. He is always good about that, but the judges talk over him.

Matt (who was saved last week, in case you wondered) is singing "Staying Alive." He is kinda . mixing it up. A little jazzier. Please click on that because it was gold. Feedback from the judges: not the best song choice, but it was good. Paula talks about bowling. Simon didn't like it, and poor Matt looks like his dog just got hit by a car. Hey America- guess what?! That was Simon's way of forcing you to vote for Matt so he doesn't go home. He thinks that Lil and Anoop should go home- but you aren't smart enough to listen, so he must use fear.

Ok people. I believe that last week, I said that I wanted to work with a bear, based on the really cool Vitamin Water commercial. After reading my blog, one of the interns from work told me via facebook that she would make it happen. She didn't. What should I do about it?

Anoop- I missed the title, because I wasn't paying attention. Also- I hate Anoop. His outfit is stupid. Oh. "Dim All the Lights." That he has slowed down... that doesn't work- because the song is about dancing, not unrequited love. Ok. A little better tempo, but he just creeps me out. I blame America's obsession with Slumdog Millionaire on him still being in the contest. He is not that talented. 3/4 judges like it. Guess who is a genuis. Funniest thing: Anoop's dad/gpa is caught laughing when Simon calls it horrible. Ha. Sounds like something my dad would do. He's kind of an ass. That's where I get it.

So, it is 8:00 and we are on recaps.... We end at 8:01?! Well, we should, especially since there was no guest judge.... Which is weird. Because isn't there a Gibb that hasn't been on here yet? Or some lame 70's star that is trying to make a comeback? What is David Cassidy ?

FYI- I am kinda creeper out by Fringe. But that is a totally different topic all together.

interesting stuff for a Monday afternoon

Here are a few interesting things to take a look at, as you pretend to be busy and motivated on a Monday afternoon.

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom . No- I didn't, actually. It is a line from a rap song. ;) Anyhow- some people got bust in a Taco Bell bathroom, and two little girls walked in on it. Apparently there were two women "servicing" two men, and "making funny noises." Okay, I would be irritated at my 5 and 11 year old daughter's walking in on that. BUT if it upset me enough to cry about it on a tv interview, I would have thought twice before REPEATING THE WHOLE STORY with the 5 year old SITTING ON MY LAP.

Unicorns exist. So, this old lady had a horn growing out of her head for 20 years before she got it surgically removed. At that point, why wouldn't you just join the circus? At least you could make some money while people laugh at you. How did her family let her keep that thing that long?!?!

Right.... evolution is bullshit... Look at this crazy hairless monkey, and tell me it doesn't look like my grandpa. I won't attach a picture of my grandpa (that would be insensitive), but you get the drift.

Speaking of old people, I could take on 32 in a fight. I have previously taken the quiz about taking on 5 year-olds. Taking on 90 year-olds sounds much more appealing.

Bet this guy will never eat wings again. Seems to me this guy was lucky he wasn't deep fried and battered in hot sauce. Perv.

Now get back to work.

we've got a lot to cover here

I really need to be better about posting over the weekend, so that I can avoid one big one on Sunday night. But that would mean that I would have to slow down L-I-V-I-N.

In case you were wondering, 17 Again is wonderfully amazing. It is also the best old person turning young and learning a life lesson movie ever. Especially because it takes the hotness of Zac Efron, and the humor of Matthew Perry and creates my dream man. Sigh. Yes, I am 26. Get off it. :P

Added bonus: this kid at the movie theater totally looked like him. Having no shame, I totally snapped a picture:



On Saturday- I was opened to a whole new world- Guitar Hero. I know, most people have been exposed to this much earlier. I have no excuse. But- I want to let you know, that I am the best Bass player in the world . I play in the band Jock Strap and the Elastic Waistband... but since that doens't fit well on posters, we go by Jock Strap.

Watched Quarantine today. Totally creepy. Basically- this film crew is following some firemen and they end up at a random call in an apartment building. After finding a freaky old lady gone bonkers, all of the residents, the camera crew, the cops and firmen get locked into the building. Some crazy version of rabies is being spread. I watched Family Guy to try to make things better, but then had to go home to a dark and empty house... with a cat that may or may not have had rabies.

Just a little taste of the weekend. Gonna watch Tough Love before bed. When I wake up, it's Monday. Joy.

memories... light the corner of my mind

This afternoon, I have been working on some of those boring tasks that you put at the bottom of the to-do list. Always a great way to spend a Friday afternoon. Keeps me out of trouble at least.

While working on these mundane tasks, I need to listen to music to keep me going. There is an album that I haven't listened to in pretty much forever: Plain White Tee's, Every Second Counts. The funny thing about it is that I cannot listen to this album without thinking about what was going on in my life at the time , and how different things are now- how much I learned about myself, etc. And that was just two years ago.

I have that kind of connection to music. I can't hear Johnny Mathis without smiling, imagining my Grandma singing incredibly off key but with all her heart. Can't hear "Drops of Jupiter" without thinking of sorority recruitment in college , and how much I loved all those girls. I hear "Don't Worry Be Happy," and think of the 1st grade field trip to the petroglyphs - my mom was a chaperon and drove us in the new van.

Sometimes I wonder what other people think of when they hear certain songs. Feel free to comment with any of your personal faves.

safe! ( to be read as if you are an umpire)

So- I have already accomplished a LOT. Worked, made awesome fajitas, watched a kinda weird Robert De Niro movie, and bribed the boyf with a hot brownie and ice cream so I can watch Idol.

These intros are SO dramatic. And they just get crazier every week. Randy is really obsessed with sweaters this season. Kara's hair is wild. Joey says "I'd Bang Paula tonight." That means her boobs are out. Simon is devilishly handsome. These Ford commercials are so re-dick.

So, now that the blind guy is out we can have more complicated dance routines... so now we have "Maniac"... and the cute Kris starts us off. Anoop almost fell off the stairs, and I love it. What the hell kind of jacket is Anoop wearing?!?! It reminds me of my 8th grade white "Rocking Rhythmics Dancing Drill Team" jacket. If I had a picture- I would link it. Because it was awesome, and I wore the SHIT out of it.

I really hate this section when they have all the idols on a bench- and then they chit chat about random crap. They went to the movie premiere of 17 again though.. SO I get to see Zach Effron. And he will be talking like Matthew Perry- so it will be great. AND ZACH IS THERE. And I am a fan girl.

Here we go. Allison- safe. Adam- looks uncomfortable. And is safe. Anoop- bottom three. And Ryan walks him across! Where was he last week to help out Scott?!

I don't get the big deal with Jennifer Hudson. And just got in a huge debate about it with the roomie and the boyf. Didn't know they had such strong feelings. Geez. She needs an interview class.

Anoop on a stool. Kris- Lil stand up. OMG- Simon interrupted and called Kris brilliant. I want to hang out with both of them. I love Ryan's loaded question to Lil. She is so dumb. And in the bottom.

Matt and the waste of space. Blah Blah. Danny is safe. America: you are schmucks.

Paula says that there were flaws in their performances and that is why they are up there. Really? WOW. Deep, Paula. She is high. Ugh. Anoop is safe. Boo.

It's MILEY! She is taking this seriously. Hair in an updo- evening gown- fog machine... nasal singing. I think she is scared of Simon. She should be. He isn't as nice as the guys from Radiohead .

This episode really sucks.

I think these Vitamin Water commercials about animals working in an office are wonderful. I wish I could work with a bear. The boyf and I discuss the radness of that, at length.

The boyf just goes.... "Wait. Her name is LIL?" with disgust. I just laugh. She is safe.

Now Justin Timberlake guy sings for his life. I almost forgot... I was like- wait, it is 8:54, how are we done? He does it way better tonight. The audience is chanting "Save Save Save Save!" I am feeling a Donna Martin graduates aura.

So, Simon is such an ass. He says that Matt can't win this competition, balh blah. Matt looks punched in the stomach. Kara starts babbling. Simon says he is saved. Thank God. Not because I want Matt around, per se. I really just wanted this thing to be off the table. Next week- two are axed. AND it is disco. Rad.

can we just end on time once ?

Holy fucking shit. Quinten Tarantino is on tonight. The theme this week is songs from a movie. Let's hope someone does My Heart Will Go On. My bet is on that one chick that always sings stuff from the 90's.
Judge intros- Randy looks stupid. Kara's hair is bad. Paula is wearing an evening gown, Simon blames the girls for running over last week. Totally true.

So, in case you didn't know who Quentin Tarantino was, here is a montage. I hope that the edgy kid redoes Stuck in the Middle With You, complete with one bloody ear. Wait, that's right. He did this in Season three, a.k.a. the year I didn't really watch. He is a fan.

Allison- "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing." It kills me that this is Aerosmith's only number one single , because this song is stupid. What is that outfit? Are those stirrup pants? She is lucky she has a killer voice, because her outfits are terrible. Apparently they are being serious, and only letting two judges talk. Really doesn't matter, since Randy just says whatever Simon does, unless he goes first- and then he just uses "dawg" a lot, and talks about his level of "feeling it."

Anoop, the prick- is singing "Everything I Do, I Do It For You." Quentin is not impressed, and tells him not pump it up a notch, and not deliver a lame karaoke performance. Apparently he choses not to listen to Tarantino- yeah, that is always a good move. NOT. So, in fifth grade, we had to do this lame teacher thank you assembly for our team teachers and we had to sing this song. I never really got it. Because yeah, we did stuff for our teachers- but because we had no choice. Or maybe they did everything for us- I don't know- the mom that picked it was really inspired. We just wanted to pass fifth grade and get to middle school. Randy and Kara like it, but they are dumb.

Adam- He is doing Born to Be Wild- and apparently only gave Quentin a sneak peek. It is kind of a Billy Idolesque turn..... Not really taking liberties with the melody. Maybe he is bored. Well, he rocked the chorus a little... This is really just a rock song that the little girls will like. That is who dials anyway, and the grown-ups that watch this for legitimate purposes need to remember that. Yeah, you don't get Adam. But your niece does. And she is a text machine. And if you are an adult watching this show with a legitimate interest in artistry, you are lame. There- I said it. Paula needs to change her panties- Simon calls it a little Rocky Horror - and Adam loves Rocky Horror ! Find that hard to believe. Ha. Also-in case you don't click through on the links- I insert funny, yet relevant pictures. So click.

Justin Timberlake guy is on Stool Time with Ryan. I don't know what he is saying because I am too busy telling the roomie about a horrible dream I had last night- So Quentin tells him to enunciate. Thank God. This man is a genius. Do we really have another Brian Adams song? Granted, "When You Love a Woman" is leaps and bounds better- oh God this is pitchy. Ugh. Well, at least Bryan Adams can make a little money in royalties and get some more microdermabrasion .

I have a date planned with my littlest sister to go see "17 Again." I hope she doesn't ditch me for her friends, because I really don't want to use one of my 'girl movie vouchers' that the boyf gave me for Christmas on that.

Danny Gokey- "Stool Time With Ryan" tells us that Gokey bought a guitar. He is such a poser. HAHAHA. "Endless LOVE." Did you know that he has a dead wife that is his endless love?!?! Fucking shit you stupid tool. I hate you .

I am in love with Kris. Officially. I don't know that song, because someone was talking... but it was great. Randy is worthless.

Lil is singing "The Rose." A big ballad from a power singer popular 15 years ago. Surprise! My father taught me a valuable lesson many years ago. "Marissa, there are people that get it, and people that don't. If they don't get it, they never will- and nothing you can do can force them to get it. " Very valuable lesson to learn. I am glad I found out early. It is helpful in choosing work and friend partners,etc. Helps with my frustration levels. Lil doesn't get it. She is so dated. It cracks me up that Paula is getting semi- legitimate criticism and talking about chords, and blah blah. Thank you Simon for calling her out again... And she gets defensive and says she put an R & B feel to it. Which is not true. AND fucking Paula quoting Dr.Suess . I want to stab her. Paula- we are running over- you had your chance- STFU.

I am irritated this week- and I hope tomorrow we can finally use that stupid judges save billshit, so we can stop hearing about it.

single ladies, all the single ladies

So, there are times when it is really enjoyable to be a single (tax definition- unmarried) lady in her mid twenties. Last night was one of those times. After a great off-site meeting, I stopped by Albertson's. Not my normal shopping place, but it was on the way home. Got some great deals, including a new bottle of wine to try. It had the name Three Blind Moose , and was on major sale- so why the hell not? After rearranging my grocery bags in the parking lot (apparently Marcus has never actually bought his own groceries, and did not realize that throwing a few boxes on top of a package of chicken could lead to a disastrous situation) I got home and was suddenly motivated to clean out the fridge and cupboards. Then, since roomie was at her gym/dinner date with her mom- I made tuna. One of my favorites, but makes the roomie sick. I watched HIMYM , since I have given up on Dancing With the Stars . And then popped open my bottle of wine and started a new book . It was great. No babies asking for crap. No husbands trying to watch something lame on ESPN Classic (I love sports but I cannot understand that station). Just me, some vino and a book. Rad.