All I have to do is dreammmmmm. Dream, Dream, Dream.

So, I have been having some pretty crazy dreams this past week. Let's look at last night's dream and analyze it. Here is what I remember...

I was on a bus. Not really sure where I was going. Anyhow, at some point, I decided that riding the bus was no longer the fastest way to get where I was going, and so I got off and started walking. I somehow met up with the graphic designer at work (really weird because as cool as she is, we don't hang out). Then, I was somehow at a hotel with my aunt and cousin and sisters. Then we were in a big white kitchen, making food to take with us on the trip. Then the other side of the family was in the kitchen. I think the order of things might be a little screwed up... but that is the just of it. So, I looked up some of the meanings at dreammoods.com. Here is what it said.

Trip
To dream that you are going on a trip, suggests that you are in need of a change of scenery.You are feeling overworked and need to take time out for yourself for some fun and relaxation.

Bus
To dream that you are riding a bus, implies that you are going along with the crowd. You are lacking originality and are taking no control over where your life is taking.

Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life.*Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.

Kitchen
To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother or the way that you are caring for your loved ones.

Walking
To dream that you are walking with ease, signifies a slow, but steady progress toward your goals. You are moving through life in a confident manner. Consider your destination.


So, all I can say is.... wow.

I Need Ritalin

I have been so bogged down with meetings over the last few days, that I am effectively brain dead. Ooooh. Bad choice of words. Sorry Liam. :( Too soon... too soon.

So, in an effort to make me clear my head of randomness so that I can be productive, here are some thoughts, Larry King style.

- Simon Cowell is amazing. I think it is funny that the audience boos him when he is critical, but pisses themselves with excitement when he gives a compliment. I wish I had that power.

- Since my boyfriend and I live on opposite sides of town, we try to alternate homes each weekend. When people invite me to something on my side of town when it is his weekend, I am irritated.

- I hate the new facebook. I don't care if people post an "Easter Egg" on someone else's page. Now I can't delete it from my feed without deleting everything that person posts. Horse shit.

- I don't want to get fat feet and a fat(ter) ass when I am pregnant. Why are our bodies punished for bringing life into the universe?

- Why is no one talking about how that doctor shouldn't have put all those eggs in the octomom's basket? When did we forget that was insanity?

- I am usually more excited about March Madness. I think I still just miss Lute. But I think it is cool that we have a President that puts a bracket together, even if he has Arizona losing to Utah . Thank God he didn't put Duke to go all the way; I may have called my vote back.

- Why can't people just let Barack do his job? What ever happened to working together to figure things out? It was hilarious to me that people were afraid of him changing our political system so much, when he can barely get congress's approval for a bathroom break. People really need to educate themselves a little more, and stop listening to the talking heads who just say dumb shit for ratings. Whatever happened to the news?

- I volunteered to make dinner tonight. I still don't know what I am gonna make. It might be a game time decision at Fresh and Easy. That place is awesome.

- So, there is a guy that actually teaches a class on how to "look" busy at work. Can people not figure this out on their own?!?! It's called blogging. Get with the program. (I saw this on the news the other day- wish I had a link for you)

- I have to do something productive now... one last burst of energy at the end of the day.

That's a Really Big Hole

This weekend I did something I had never done before... I went to the Grand Canyon. I can't claim that it was my idea. The boyfriend was trying to plan a weekend, to get some much needed relationship r&r. His first choice was the haunted hotel in Jerome, but it was booked. We are gonna have to try that one again sometime. He decided on Friday that it would be the Canyon. Bright and early on Saturday morning, we made the 3 hour drive.
Let me just tell you... even in person it doesn't look real. It was still cold enough in the morning that there was a little frost/fog in the air. By the afternoon, it was beautiful. Totally unreal, and had we had the energy we would have stayed for the sunset. But that will be another time. We have already decided to train to do some hiking there. With the impromptu nature of our trip, neither of us had fully prepared ourselves for anything too crazy with the hiking. Our first training session will be this weekend on South Mountain.

Aren't we cute?!?!

It's Been a Long Time- Shouldn't Have Left You, Without a Dope Beat to Step to

GeeeeeZo! It has been over a week since I blogged last. I am an asshole. What have you been doing all this time... You probably just went on living your lives. It's cool.

So, here is a little more serious a topic. This weekend, I went to a friend's bachelorette getaway. I knew that it wasn't going to be the most smooth of weekends, as there were 11 girls hanging out. And at least two of them bring drama with them wherever they go. I expected this. Don't get me wrong, it was a blast! I made some new friends, relaxed by the pool, and sent my friend off into married lady land with a bang. There was only one thing that was really wrong. The two pre designated drama makers did just that. And the married one nearly cheated on her husband. (I will pause while you all gasp, and get comfortable to read the rest).

Our hotel was great, everything we needed was there (minus a mcdonalds). Food, pool, club, etc. It was great to never leave. On Friday night, we all got in. After some awesome sushi, we went upstairs to get a little pre-drinking action on, and ended up meeting a bachelor party just a few doors down. As most of those guys were married/committed, and most of us were the same we took a liking to each other. It was comfortable and fun, without the "aww yeahh, I'm gonna get some" vibe in the air. We all went down to the club to party. That is where we lost some people. One was drunk and wandered back to the room. She was fine. No worries. Two others decided to go on a man hunting mission. Cool, whatever... but one was married. At the end of the night, we found out that she had ended her evening in the hot tub with a random dude. HUH!?

The room I was in (the coolest of all of them), could not get over this. What would possess you to get into a hot tub ALONE with someone that was not your husband? ESPECIALLY if you were hammered. This was the rumbling all day.

When we all finally gathered for dinner on Saturday, the tension was palpable. At first, I thought it might just be my room that was upset, and then I found out that pretty much everyone was pissed. Especially after the douchebag guy in question came to the married skank at dinner, and smooched and fondled all over her. Done. We were over it. Especially since her husband is the only reason anyone talks to this skeeze (otherwise, she basically sucks at life). Then she and her partner in crime head over to the bar with McDouche to go chat up some other dudes, including a basketball star.

I could give a play by play... but it would make you puke. Fast forward to the night at the club. We have all now made it there, but again lose the skeeze. One of my new friends and I decide to go on a spy mission. We are the two that are not connected to the group, and the obligatory nature of it, so we figure, if we see her doing something shady, we can call her out. We don't have to see her again, what the hell. Instead, we find pure word vomit from McDouche.

McDouche is entertaining a table of guys, and does not see/recognize us. We stand there, pretending to apply gloss, look at the pictures from the evening, etc. Here is his story:

"So last night, I am in the hot tub with this chick. She is in her thong and bra, and we head upstairs. I am PRAYING that no one is in my room. We open the door, and there is my friendly fucking roommate. He's all "hey guys!" and I'm like, "fuck." Then he's all, "are you guys hungry!?" and she's all "yeah!" and we order roomservice. She was hot yo, and all my friends were like, "dude, how'd you land that chick?" and I was all "right?!!" She is here with a bachelorette party and they are all Delicious. I could go point her out to you, she's inside. I have about like, 25 girls I chatted up today. Let's finish this smoke, get another drink and then check out the chicks."

At this point, the guys he is entertaining understand that he is a total tool. And say.... "nah man, I think we are gonna leave."

We immediately go inside and share our info. One of the girls lets the skeeze know that McDouche is telling everyone at the bar how he was this close to banging her.... her response: "but we didn't even kiss." Wait, what? Ohhh... that's right... there's the whole clause of if you are in your thong in a hot tub with a stranger letting him grope you, and then take you upstairs it is totally cool as long as there was no kissing. Forgive me, I forgot that one. You're off the hook skeeze. (pause) NOT!

A big drama fest ensued, with the maid of honor telling her she would punch her in the face if she hurt the husband. The other bridesmaid quite matter of factly told her that her actions were inappropriate. She of course, decided that she would be mad at that one, you know, the one that wouldn't kick her ass. More girl drama bullshit- "we're leaving first thing in the morning, blah blah....."

She called her husband that night to tell her version of the story, and prepare him for the possible onslaught of angry calls. Don't know if it happened.

I think it is disgusting. How bout YOU!?!?

Chipoooooodle

So, this is my second post about food. I really like food, and my hips can prove it. Today, since my roomie was taking a new yoga class, I was on my own for dinner. I was starving, and then I remembered that I had a coupon bag for a FREE burrito!! Thank you Sunday paper! Here is a little insight to my burrito order:

-I order the chicken fajita burrito. It comes with chicken, rice and fajita veggies. When they ask me if I want beans, I get irritated. It doesn't come with beans, thank you.
-Sometimes I get "just a little" rice. Usually when I feel chubby.
-I get the hot salsa. It is a red sauce that is better than the Qdoba sauce, because it is actually spicy.
-I get sour cream and "lots of rice." I am not afraid to ask for more cheese. Because cheese is awesome.
-Before I eat it, I roll it. As in... I take it while it is sill in the tin foil, and roll it like my hands are a rolling pin. Sometimes I roll it like rolling a bread stick in my hand. The point is to evenly distribute the salsa and the sour cream. I taught my sister this, and she taught her friends. It is now a phenomenon.
- After the roll, I take a bite and look at the distribution. Sometimes I have to shift the fold of the burrito, so that the bite is lined up in a more balanced way.
- I like to have my final bite contain a chunk of cheese. That way, my mouth is not as hot.

There was a couple in front of me today that had never been to Chipotle. They got the regular chicken burrito, with the mild and the corn salsa. They seemed upset that guacamole would be extra. Where do you ever go that guacamole is included? Anyhow- I wonder if they will be back. They came in with their free burrito bag too, so I guess it is fair to say that the Chipotle marketing team deserves a raise.

Random side note- I love Simon Cowell tonight.

Hazzah!

So. Sorry for the delay. I was over at the boyfriend's this weekend, and his internet was not working. Boo. Right before I was about to dump him, the cox guy showed up and fixed it. Joking. I wouldn't dump someone over lack of internet.... would I? ;)

Today, my sisters and I had an outing with some friends to the Renaissance Festival. Something we make sure to hit once a year, but each year I get less excited. This year, we had a good time, but I think I have officially ended my relationship with the Tortuga Twins. They suck. Allow me to give you their basic plot: take 20 minutes to tell everyone how funny their show is. How it is crazy and not for kids. Insert quasi-gay guy jokes. Then they pick people from the audience- a girl with big boobs... and then, a couple other people who matter less because they don't have big boobs. They then use these people to tell a classic story, like Little Red Riding Hood. That story is actually only 12 sentences long, but takes 20 minutes to tell, because they need to tell a few more gay jokes and then oogle the boobies to prove they only joke about being gay. After 16 years at the AZ Ren Fest, you think they would come up with some better material. Over it. We actually left their show to see London Broil. More about them in a minute.



Here they are. I stole this from photobucket. Don't be confused- there are three, but they are twins. It is part of the schtick.

A group much cooler is the London Broil. They juggle. AND are funny. AND I have a crush on Duncan, and today we made a connection, and if I could deal with living in an RV, we would be on the way to Vegas to get married. I took some really cool video, of them juggling, and juggling chairs, and juggling and shifting and juggling and dancing with FIRE. But, because I am an idiot, and I have a new phone, I deleted them when I thought I was saving them. Crap. Oh well. Here is a picture my sister took on the school trip.



Here they are, juggling with fire. Because they are fucking rad. And Duncan would be the one in the red and blue.

London Broil was the highlight of the day, followed by the white and milk chocolate covered strawberries. :) Otherwise, it is a bunch of dirty hippies.

Hazaah!

I Thought I Was Competitive

So, those who know me know that I am extremely competitive. Not only am I competitive in games, etc, but I compete with myself as well. For example- I have to carry ALL my grocery bags in from the car in ONE trip.

Today, on the freeway, I saw a guy with a personalized plate of "LUV2WIN." Or something like that. I got my phone to take a picture, and then this piece of shit 90's convertible cut me off. Bastard. The point- I am not as competitive as that guy.. maybe.

One guy that I can say with most certainty is (was) more competitive than me is this guy. Sergey Tuganov. This crazy Russian was bet $3400 that he could not satisfy two ladies with a half day sex marathon. After downing a full bottle of Viagra, he did. He won. Aaaaaaand subsequently died of a heart attack.

At least he went out with a bang. (ba dump bump)

The King of Lies is More Like It

I was having a rough day. So, I decided to drown my sorrows and indulge in some crappy food, as I am a certified emotional eater. Looking for something quick and easy, Caryn and I headed to our local Burger King. Upon walking in... I remembered the ANGRY WHOPPER. For those of you unaware, it is a new burger there that is supposed to be so hot, that flames shoot our of your mouth. Here is the video proof:



I ordered it, with onion rings and a diet coke. Before you judge, I like the taste of diet better, and I do like to show SOME moderation. Anyhow. I sat down, practically drooling as I looked at the pepper jack cheese, jalapenos and "secret spicy sauce." Gotta tell ya - it wasn't really spicy. Like, not even Pace medium salsa spicy. Granted, I grew up in the A.B.Q., but I was disappointed. On the upside, the incredibly pleasant cashier at the home of the (not-so-spicy) Whopper gave me dipping sauce for my onion rings... ahhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaah. It tasted like the blooming onion dip, and I am sure that I will now have a block of cellulite on my upper left thigh to prove that I enjoyed it. Oh well, I am in a better mood now.

OH! So- I just found out that there is an "ANGRY GRAM" website... apparently "the perfect way to tell someone they annoy the hell out of you." Rad. Please don't send me hate mail.

I'm not really listening

I am becoming more like my father every day. I just don't really have the time/desire to listen to rambling stories. Even though I ramble myself.... Well, at least my stories are interesting. ;) Here are a few times that I can tell you, with about 95% certainty, that I am NOT listening:

- I walk into your office with a strict purpose, and you chose to discuss something totally unrelated, at length.

- Your story fails to get to a point... OR you have a point, but tell the story in such a monotonous way, that I can't tell when you are getting to the end of it... so that I can pretend like I was listening.

- If I have heard this story before.

- If I am watching television.

- If I am on facebook.

- If I am changing lanes on the freeway.

- If you have called, and I answer (knowing that sending you to voice mail is not an option)- immediately telling you that I am making dinner, in the bathroom, etc - and you chose to spend more than your allotted 45 seconds to tell me why you are calling.

- If I know that I will never be held accountable for remembering it.

- If I know that I am going to hear it again... either by just merely being present when you are telling someone else, or you forgetting you told me in the first place.


So, I am kind of a jerk like that. I don't find it irrational though, to ask of you to speak briefly, or at the very least, make it interesting. As someone who has a tendency to ramble, I have learned to "know my audience." I ask you to do the same.

;)

So- I am changing the blog

So, a few months ago, I created this account. The idea was to have it kinda work like a diary... and just bitch about all kinds of stuff. Well. Not only did I NOT really ever get on here to bitch... but I realized that I really do like to amuse people with my ramblings, and it is a lot harder to have random strangers on the internet pay attention to me than I thought. So, friends, and fellow blog friends, feel free to read. And comment. And teach me how to have a cooler blog.