Idol Recap- Dirty Dozen

Tonight, I am watching Idol over at my parents, as my littlest sister is in town for Spring Break, and well, I am on what one might call a Spring Break as well. I asked my dad if he wanted to watch Idol with us, and his response was "I would rather be eviscerated by an armadillo." You could say I get my flair for the dramatic from him.

Welcome to the big event.... tonight is the REAL beginning, with performances from all of our top twelve. Do you think Ellen and Randy have to fight over who gets to wear the sweater vest? This week they compromised: Randy got the buttoned up cardigan and Ellen got an open vest.

Tonight is Rolling Stones night. I found out a few weeks ago that apparently Angelina Jolie hooked up with Mick Jagger about ten years ago. Weird. I wonder how they got anything accomplished, with both of their huge lips battling.

Michael Lynch- Wife is in his video package. She looks good, especially since she just popped out a kid. Which they show, of course. You can't vote off a newborn, America. There are some weird dance moves going on... and I don't know what to think about it. He really is"making it his own," because I can only recognize this song during he chorus. "His own" has an early 90's vibe to it. Meh. Randy says he "slayed it." Ugh, now the crowd feels they need to yell all the time. Unnecessary. Kara is talking about the Stones like they died in a plane crash. Last time I checked, they still rock it. Simon says it was corny, especially the dancing. :) Then Simon and Ryan start their fake banter, and I tune out.

Awkward stool time with Didi: apparently her mom can't watch, because she gets nervous AND can't listen to the judging. I like Didi until she starts talking. OH, she's the middle sister. Now I know. There was a photo of her in a rose dress with big shoulder pads. I may have had the same dress. She is singing "Playing with Fire." The crowd is doing the "wave your hands in the air..." but I am doubtful that they are doing it "cuz [theys] a true playaaa." If you don't get the reference, GTFO. I hate when the audience does lame crap like that. It totally devalues the performance, much like Randy's YO. He thinks that she was "on fire." Thanks for the pun, sweater boy. I don't know what Ellen said, because I was too busy adding a joke. Kara says it was well done. Simon says it was a "solid, not brilliant performance." I like her big curls. I am going to try to do it that way tomorrow, for my St Pats day of drunkness.

Casey James: His mom is in a shirt with his picture, and it's weird. I think we might be getting jealous brother from his bro. Kinda like the blind kid's bro last season. Doing anything he can to get a little extra camera time. "It's All Over Now," a little country style... Casey is working the hair product this week, and has some more defined curls. The lighting guys on this show need to chill the eff out. We don;t need crazy green flashing block lights on the stage. it is so cheeeeeesy. Randy LOVED IT! You can tell he yelled, because I have it in CAPS. Ellen makes a joke about how she's a lesbian. Ha. Over the heads of the little ones, don't worry Bible Belt. Kara says he was a rock star, and has to prove that she knows that this is an early Stones song that THEY didn't write. She is really smart, remember. Simon says he looked great and sang well, but didn't use the stage to do something incredible. Casey is reallllly tall. Ryan looks like a leprechaun. Not the scary kind, the kind that has a bucket of gold.

--- commercial for the Last Song. I have this problem where if there is a book for a movie, I HAVE to read it before I see it. I am tempted to read this book... not sure if I should. I am batting .700 with Nicholas Sparks. LOVED the Notebook, obvi. HATED Nights of Rodanthe so much that I didn't bother with the movie. Read Dear John, liked it ok, but when the boyf downloaded it to watch on Valentine's weekend it was a "bad copy" and we couldn't watch it. Heard it wasn't good if you read the book. I will probably wait for dvd to read it, I have more pressing books on my list.--------

Lacey Brown- I am still amazed that this chick is in the top 12, because I don't even remember her auditioning. "Ruby Tuesday," with a string quartet. This chick needs some more upbeat songs. Sister: "She sounds like Macy Gray." I nod. "I don't like Macy Gray." Her outfit is a mess. One shoulder striped shirt, beige fringed bustier, high waisted belted skirt and sparkly leggings. Randy calls it "very interesting." Ellen noticed that she likes to sit on the edge of things, and called it sleepy. Kara said she has to "agree with the guys." I think Ellen has a vagina, actually. Thanks for coming out. Simon says she performs like an actress, and she needs to stop over thinking it. She sucks, I hopes she's gone.

Andrew Garcia- His dad thought he was going to be custodian, because he collected keys. I used to dance in my underwear and leg warmers, I'm glad my parents didn't think I was going to be a stripper. His mom is apparently mute. "Gimmie Shelter," in which I remember the back up singer more than Mick. Like, to the point where I kinda forgot the Stones did it. I think it was in Forrest Gump. Who told the audience to clap? This is not a clapping song. This dude is the edgiest dude in the competition, and it just seemed lame. Randy said it was pitchy, Ellen loved it. Kara talks to him about how it is a song about war, and she didn't feel the edge. Simon asks if he should have brought a tank on stage. Points for Simon.

Awkward stool time with Katie : Ryan talks about how they tell her to be young, and then comes Rolling Stones week.... SO WHAT DOES SHE DO?!?! WHAT DOES SHE DO!!?? (that was to be read like Dennis Hopper in Speed) Sing Wild Horses, of course. Not Satisfaction like BRITNEY SPEARS DID. Idiot. I bet she is really excited that her mom put a picture of her in a straw hat with a sunflower in the montage. Since I am falling asleep with her performance, I am going to back track. Her video package had a clip from her singing at a wedding. Sister: "I would never let an 8 YO sing at my wedding, I don't care how talented she is. " True. The audience with the waving the hands in the air again! Her dress is youthful, sister says ugly. Randy says it was a strong performance, but I don't think he believes it. Kara says that she made some good choices with the melody. Simon says it's the only week she has picked a good song. These judges really don't seem to believe what they are saying. Is it just me?

Tim Urban- Wanted to be an athlete growing up, but then his brother beat him up and called him a pussy and he decided to start singing. That's what really happened, but he told it differently. "Under My Thumb," Bob Marley style. Yuck. In case you guys didn't know this was the "Rasta" angle, the orange, green and yellow lights are there to help. Spark the Ganga and wave your hands. This is awful, and I bet Keith Richards has pissed his pants laughing. Either that, or he just turned to his naked chick and said "how HIGH AM I?" Randy didn't get it. Ellen said it felt like she was at a resort drinking a pina coloda, getting caught in the rain. ;) Kara references the "guys" again. I hope Ellen pulls down her pants during the commercial break. Simon said it didn't work, and Stones fans would be turning the station at that point. Because SO MANY watch this show regularly.

Shioban Magnus - Apparently there are 32 children in her hippie commune home. Another mute mom. Of COURSE she is singing "Paint it Black." The weird one would chose my favorite Stones song. She looks like she is dressed for the homecoming dance... and has combat boots. Because she is a rebel. I don't really know how I feel about it. It is was easier when I am not looking at her "passing a kidney stone" face. And she yells a big note. Remember how you guys liked that a few weeks ago? Well she's doing it again for ya! Randy says IT WAS HOT! Ellen can't even talk, and says she rises above like Snooki's poof. Kara says she is having Adam Lambert flashbacks. And loves it. Simon agrees that it is the standout performance of the night. Hey Siobhan. There is someone else that is idols04... you are idols08. so putting up 4 fingers twice is confusing. Put up 8 fingers, once. Don't confuse the fans.

Awkward stool time with Lee Dewyze- In case you haven't caught on, he is this season's "regular guy." He works at a paint store! He's just like you, America! HE HAS A PICTURE IN A TMNT SHIRT!!! He should wear that to perform in. "Beast of Burden," but you wouldn''t know, because he mumbles like the guy in Pearl Jam. Both my father and boyf are gonna be pissed that I didn't reference him by name, but they don't read the blog, so they can STFU. ;) If we are talking literally, this is an excellent song choice. Randy thought it was dope. Ellen said it was great, but she expected more, and it was like a hospital gown, and almost there.I am kinda over her lame analogies. Kara said something about growth. Simon says his personality is boring. I like the way he says "frust straight ting." Simon basically tells him to sack up and own the moment next week. How am i JUST noticing that he is in a gray fitted leather jacket?

Paige - This chick is so boring. They talk about a part she had in a Christmas play at church, and then show this weird goth show. What kind of church is that?!?! She is singing "Honkey Tonk Woman." I hate is when girls sing songs that are obviously written for guys to sing, and change the genders and think it still makes sense. And she is the furthest thing from a Honkey Tonk woman I have seen on this stage. Her hair looks nice. Randy thought it was going to be a mess, but it was alright. Ellen points out that she was struggling with her voice... so now there is the sympathy vote. Kara said "young Paige is back." Simon said "what the hell is wrong?" and she says laryngitis. So, with that in mind, it was great. Meh.

Aaron Kelly - I heard his name and said "who?!" Then remembered that it was this lame young kid. His mom cries. "Angie." Hahaha. That is all I can say. Might be better when he goes through puberty. It's kinda Peter Brady... there is also a weird Richard Marx quality to his voice... it's unsettling. ENOUGH WITH THE HANDS, AUDIENCE! Randy really likes the tender moments. Someone call CPS. Ellen points out that his hair is totally lesbian. Kara said it was powerful. Really? Simon said he chose the right song, and sang it within his limits.

Crystal Bowersox- Surprise! Her dad is a hippie! Apparently she also wrote a song about him, and it made him cry. "You Can't Always Get What You Want." I think she is trying to grow out her dreadlocks. Kinda more bluegrassy, and it's alright. Totally what I thought it would be, which isn't a bad thing. YO. Randy says it wasn't his favorite, but he still loves her. Ellen wants her to let her personality go... and Kara agrees. Simon asks her what she meant by over thinking... and Simon says he could feel that. And that tonight she was beaten by Siobhan. She is wearing a feather thing in her hair for Lilly. Who was voted off last week. She isn't dead or anything.

Andrew, Katie, Tim, Lee and Paige are gone within the next few weeks.

I may or may not drunk blog tomorrow... I guess you will have to wait and see.