Idol Recap- Ryan Seacest Is Not Your BFF

Apparently there was some drama last week, and Bowersox nearly quit the show. Ryan Seacrest talked her down from the ledge- and she was surprised it still made headlines. Hey, guess what? YOU'RE ON A TV SHOW! YOUR LIFE IS NO LONGER PRIVATE IF IT CAN GET RATINGS!

To save time, the judges don't make the grand entrance. And everyone BUT Ellen is wearing some sort of vest/sweater cardigan thing. Odd. I really like Ellen in ivory. Not everyone can wear it- most look like they are channeling Saturday Night Fever.

This week is Idol Gives Back-so look for some extra sappiness. Alicia Keys is the mentor- because she does charity stuff. Which I didn't know, because she doesn't pull a Sean Penn and tell the world she single handeldy saved a small country. So, with this theme- come songs that are inspirational.

Casey is bringing us "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." Alicia had a great point- he needs people to say "I Like Him!" not "I Like This Song!" He did not do that. And the judges agreed. In fact- Simon called it lazy. I would have rather he did "This Is It," by Kenny Loggins. Because I LOVE Kenny Loggins. But- I'm really happy because my sister delivered nachos to me on her way to darts!

Awkward Stool Time with Lee Dewyze- this season's "regular guy." He will be singing "The Boxer," because it inspired him to learn how to play guitar. These mentor recaps have been significantly shorter. Damn you Idol audience and your LAME hand waving. I like the rougher version of this. Not as sing songy as the original. Randy says he loves him, no homo. Ellen loves his soul and depth and it's his best performance by far. Kara likes to disagree with Simon- even before he says anything. THIS week is his best performance, not the one Simon said. Simon loved it- sincere, emotional, and made it sound relevant. BRILLIANT. How come Simon can say brilliant without it seeming condescending or overdone?

Goo Goo Dolls and R. Kelly are coming up-- and so are Tim and the 16 YO. Money that the old beyond his years kid is singing "I Believe I Can Fly." He definitely won't be singing "Trapped in the Closet, Pt 3." But wouldn't be awesome if he did? What a ridiculous fiasco that was. But I watched every single one, like a sucker. Like a SUCKER! How does it END, R. Kelly?!?!

Tim is singing "Better Days," and Alicia reminds him not to trail off and lose it in the chorus. This kids gets too close to the mic. This is a new side to Tim- a little more grown up, and not as showy. Yo- check it out-for me. Ellen again with the metaphors says today he is the soup of the day, which is not a soup she likes. I wonder what that is? I don't particularly care for soup myself. Chef's choice makes me nervous. Kara gives actual feedback- and says while he has found the right style, but the execution was there. Simon says he doesn't know he buys it.

Aaron- hahahaha. WILL be singing "I Believe I Can Fly." Alicia basically looks at him like "boy, please." With the strings. So lame. I think this is the 19th time that Randy has told him he has a huge voice. Ellen makes a 70's drug reference- which is awesome. :) Jenny thought she could fly too... remember, Ellen? Kara said it was like a plane taking off a runway... leave the metaphors to Ellen. Because you are actually using really lame similes. Similes use like or as, Kara. So if you're going to be a copycat- at least do it right. Simon said there are two ways to look at it 1- looking at him and liking him, and 2- listening as if they never met him. So basically- since they like you , it was tolerable.

When Simon leaves Idol- can we have 2 hour episodes of Glee instead?

Siobhan is singing "When You Believe." Alicia finds her "money spot," and encourages her to take the "moment." Step back from the mic. Ugh. She has butterflies on her shoulders. Who approved this? Wardrobe are you TRYING to get rid of her? I don't like her. Oh shit, the butterflies go down her arm. Really? AND UP TO HER HAND. Glad to see that the Siozombies didn't catch on. Randy was meh. Ellen loved it, because what else is she going to say? Kara said she still doesn't know who she is. Simon says the butterflies looked like leaves, and were distracting. STOP TALKING. I just love the song. Well, I am glad that you are having fun- because we aren't. Get the hell over yourself, you aren't curing cancer. I will forget you in three months. Glad you are getting to live your dream- but it ends if you don't stop being so self- indulgent.


Awkward Stool Time with Bog Mike. Apparently he has been keeping a running list of songs he wanted to do on Idol. He is singing "Hero," which was used to promote the SUPER hero Spiderman. So clever! He does a great job taking these really rock songs and softening the edge a little. This is ok. The background singers are a little lame. Kara hated it. Simon says tonight was supposed to be inspirational and it was about Spiderman.

Way to play a Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers commercial. If she had gone on it before the show- maybe she would have won. Burn. But it shows that even if you don't take home the grand prize- you can still be a star. :)

Crystal "i don't know if I can take this anymore" Bowersox is singing without an instrument for the first time. She is singing some kind of gospely song that I am kind of familiar with. And she totally cried at the end. Like, can barely finish it. Randy has to remind her that he has loved her since day one. Ellen says she is beautiful and noticed her bong like mic stand. Kara says they call her Mama Sox because she schooled everyone. Simon was glad to see emotion, because she had been closing off. She is fake hugging Ryan, and asks to use his hanky. He says he thinks it is taped in. She says "hollywood." He snarkily says "that's where we are." Yeah- which means that nothing you say to Ryan is off limits, lady. Good thing you cried and used the church songs to distract the fact that you are a little ungrateful for an opportunity that millions ask for. :)

And They are 4 minutes over. Not cool, it's Madonna night.