Idol Recap- 9 to 8

These opening montages make the show seem a lot more entertaining than it actually is. Ryan wants us to be prepared for a surprise or two tonight. I am on the edge of my seat.

For the record, I can't stand Jason Derulo. Mainly because my boyf is now working for a top 40 radio station out here, so I listen to show support.... and they played Jason Derulo TWICE in the 4 hour morning show n today. TODAY. Too much. Also the fact that he says his name in each song is annoying too.

The judges are talking about donations for the upcoming Idol Gives back. I hate that night. Not because of the idea that they raise money for charity. That's cool.

Group song. You can tell they are pre-recorded because everyone is actually on pitch. Anyone can be a popstar these days. It's called auto tune. The dirty hippie is wearing white go go boots, and sounds like a Disney princess. I bet this is Simon Cowell's least favorite part of every show. If I were him, I would be drunk. It's the only way to endure this cruise show karaoke performance. I can't believe people pay money to see that shit on tour. Americans blow my mind.

Casey is the star of these terribly cheesy commercials. Do they use the same lame songs every year?

Let's get to the cuts. Siobhan is standing, and there aren't any cuts to any Sizombies in the audience. Where did those crazies go? Apparently they weren't dialing in, because she is sent to the center stage. Sweet. Hippie is safe, but looks terrified.... she is sent to the center as well. Which means she has to be safe, along with Siobhan, because Katie is joining her. And they never announce the bottom three in the first 15. Oh Idol, you toy with our emotions so. Crystal is announced as safe. Duh. And both the others are safe too. I just noticed that Katie is wearing a Let It Be shirt. What a poser. All the chicks are safe, so three of the dudes are in the bottom. Remember at the beginning of the season, when everyone kept saying "they picked crappy boys because they wanted a chick to win this year." Well, hate to break it to you, but those people are stupid. Because they picked crappy EVERYONE this year. So there.

Jason Derulo was signed by Kara. I now hate her. What the hell is he wearing?? His jacket has spikes and studs. And he is wearing gloves. I'm just thankful he didn't keep singing that stupid "when I become a star, we'll be living so large, I'll do anything for you" song. I think I have complained about it before. Is it necessary to have slow mo/ black and white scenes? He cannot hit a single high note and almost falls in the end of this cheesy spin, toe pic touch. Would have been better if he fell. Kara is in love, and says he is an incredible songwriter. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??? Simon pretends like he liked it. Drunk.

Hey, remember David Archuleta? He was the runner up and then guest starred on an episode of I-Carly. And that's it. So- don't vote for 16 YOs, America. He is such a nerd.

Lee is standing now, and they have to talk AGAIN about his lack of confidence. He now has to stand on the far side. I hate these dramatics. Big Mike stands...he gets to stand on the right side. Casey James stands, and has his hair pulled back. He joins Lee. I hope Aaron Kelly and David Archuleta get to hang out after the show. He gets to stand with Big Mike, who is three times his size. Tim Urban stands, and the girl screaming begins. He joins Lee and Casey. This is getting interesting... darn you Idol for making me think! Andrew stands and shows that he really doesn't have much personality. He joins Big Mike and Aaron. One of the two groups is bottom three. Ryan asks Ellen to guess which is bottom three, and she actually says Big Mike's group. And she is right. They looked pissed. Aaron Kelly is safe. Wowza....

We have THREE performers tonight?!?! Can't this just be a half hour? Balls. Rhianna is being rough and tough. She is singing about being a rockstar. Hmm. Head to toe leather. She's always been weird, IMHO. Now she is writhing around on the ground. This song sucks. I wonder if she wrote it herself. I think she changed songs... no wait... now she is holding a guitar, and it is obvious that it is only for looks. The judges aren't sitting in their normal seats, and I bet money Simon is in the back, crossing another day of the calendar of his contract.

Ryan reminds us that they are both fathers, and one of them is now a loser in their child's eyes... Andrew is safe.... Big Mike is SHOCKED. So is the roomie. Me too, if we are being honest. He is singing "This Woman's Work, " because they loved it a few weeks ago. His wife is bawling. Well hey, maybe now he can actually start to raise his daughter. #justsayin Kara looks like she is gonna riot. Do they save him now, or do they save whoever falls victim to the 13 yo girl voting block next week? Holy shit this is intense. Simon is always the talker. He wishes that he had sung like this the night before.... it was unanimous, and he is safe. His fans will get back into gear next week. They way everyone is reacting on stage, it is like he just cured cancer. Chill out.