What a Difference A Year Makes

Here I sit, recently showered and clean from mud that filled (almost) every crevice following my latest mud run. I say latest because my life as of late seems to be scheduled around the next crazy, wild, themed race. In the past year I have become a Dirty Girl, a Spartan Chick and today I became a Warrior. If you have facebook/instagram/twitter stalked me over the past year, you may have seen a change… but you may not have known the reason behind it. If you want the unabridged, raw and honest reason for it, you can click through here. If you want the abridged (or tl;dr) version here it is: April 28, 2012 I made the decision to change my life. I watched as my friends competed in a race I was too scared to join them for, and I felt like a failure who was sitting on the sidelines of my own life. I decided I never wanted to feel that way ever again. Today, 15 days short of a year later, not only did I complete that race, some may say that I crushed it. :)

There are many physical changes that you can see. Down 3-4 pants sizes, 50+ lbs, and I’m working on that 6 pack. But the changes that keep me motivated are the changes in my view of myself in this world. I’ve always been the slightly (ok, incredibly) goofy girl with a big heart and a lot of feelings. At some point along the line, she was replaced by an insecure, neurotic mess who shut herself away from the world. More on that in the long blog that you may or may not have clicked through before. What matters now is that the fun loving goofball is back. And she brought with her an excitement for life, a confidence that is rarely shaken, and a pride in herself and everything she has accomplished. For longer than I like to admit, I shied away from life and all its experiences because I wasn’t comfortable with my physical shape and I let it overtake me. Now, I embrace new challenges and new experiences. I don’t sit with my cat and a bottle of wine (and a plate of nachos, let’s be honest) watching Cold Case on a Friday night, pretending it’s what I wanted to be doing.

The road here hasn’t been easy. There was a blog about that too, complete with progress pics. I am so eternally grateful for the support of my friends, family and anyone who has ever been on a race track with me.  To those that say I inspire them, I honestly don’t know how to respond. Your kindness keeps me motivated, and I want to keep making you proud.

So if there is a change you have wanted to make, and you have been too scared to take the step, do it. Don’t wait. Because a year from now, imagine where you could be. When you love yourself for who you are and what you bring to the world, it’s pretty incredible what you can accomplish.

xoxo

Redemption Run, and Other Interesting Notes on Weight Loss

Holy cow. Apparently I wrote this post almost 5 months ago. And since my "redemption run" has come and gone, I figured I would update anyone interested in my progress.

I have lost 43lbs since May 1.

Since the top question is, "omg, how'd you do it?" I will indulge. Short answer: I worked my effing ass off. Literally and figuratively. As mentioned in the previous blog, working out a few days a week with my BFF Jillian Michaels. And, to train for this redemption run, I used the 5k Runner app 3 days a week. I counted my calories using My Fitness Pal. None of these companies paid me, but I love love love them for what they did to help me on this journey. So yes, it really is that simple. Calories in calories out, and move your ass. So why don't people succeed every day? Well there's a whole mess of reasons for that.

What They Don't Tell You:

The hardest part of losing weight is finding the reason you have kept it on to begin with. For me, the turning point came that day of the Warrior Dash (see last post). I never wanted to feel that way again. That was my rock bottom. Deciding to lose weight parallels a decision to stop drinking or stop doing drugs. No one can make the decision for you, and until you really get to the bottom of why you do it and decide to CHANGE YOUR LIFE, nothing is going to change.

It is an emotional roller coaster. At least it was for me. To see yourself changing, to realize where you were, to know how far you have to go, it is a lot to process. You have to say goodbye to someone you knew for decades. You have to break up with the person you were and the habits that kept you there. In order to do that, you have to constantly motivate yourself by reflecting on why you made the decision to change your life.
There were days that I would wake up and expect to see that fat person staring back at me. And there were days when I would stare at myself, amazed at the new person that I saw. There were times I was so mad at myself for abusing my body for so long. I would think about all I missed out on because I was scared and insecure. There were days I didn't know if I could keep this new lifestyle up. I would cry listening to Jillian Michaels podcats, because there were so many people who were living a part of my story, and they were the only ones who got it. As if the inner struggle you have with yourself  isn't enough, there are a million other obstacles that will stand in your way.

Not everyone is going to be happy for you. Yeah, it sucks but it is a reality you have to face. I am BLESSED to have an amazing family who supported me because they knew how important this was to me. They ate the healthy food I made, they understood that making time for my health was my number one priority. My youngest sister did let me know that I could stand to talk a little less about running, but it was done out of love and a desire to get back to our discussions of Ru Paul's Drag Race. :) But there are always people around you that aren't so excited. That say "oh, live a little," when you turn down a donut. They announce "oh look, she's eating a piece of candy!!" when you indulge. Imagine what their response would be if you yelled across the office "oh look, she is eating ANOTHER chili dog!!" Not really the same, eh? So as hard as it is, you have to let it roll. Making healthy choices is your new life and you don't have to explain that to anyone. When they decide they want to do the same, they can stop being miserable and catty and they can suck it up. :) (Ok, maybe I don't always let it roll) I have some amazing and supportive friends who have supported me, and for them I am grateful. (there, less bitchy)

It's going to require effort, every day. Everything that is important does. Because I cut out so much processed crap, I have to plan and make meals all week. Stopping through a drive through usually isn't an option. Ordering at restaurants can be tricky. But once you navigate through that long enough, it becomes second nature. And you can even sneak the healthier options into group settings and unless you say something, people rarely know the difference. (I use greek yogurt at a substitute for all SORTS of things!) And, when it's really dark in the winter... getting up to work out SUCKS. And running in the cold is close to insanity. But because you understand the value, and because your body craves it- you get it done and work it out.

Once you start to really live the change, you can inspire others. I never had the intention of doing that. But to know that someone made changes in their life, no matter how big or small, because they saw that you could do it. Well, that's really freaking amazing and it feels really great.

So now you are rewarded with photos

This is me October 2011. Not the heaviest point I reached,  but the last time I let a full body shot be taken as that person.

Here is me end of May 2012 (about 10/15 pounds down) and August 2012,  at about the 30 pound mark. I put that shirt on expecting to be able to wear it, and promptly started sobbing when it fit like a dress.

Here is me being a LADY and getting amped up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run. For the record, my face didn't stay that way.

Here is me being a ridiculously photogenic runner.

This is the face of someone elated by reaching her goal. So proud of the person she  is becoming, and so grateful for the journey, no matter how rocky and muddy it was.

So now what? Why, more mud runs of course! Spartan Sprint February 9th, and OF COURSE I will have to tackle the Warrior Dash April 13. And, a few fun themed 5 ks in between.

Let me tell you. Having been on both sides of this, it is AMAZING to actually like the person you are. To feel comfortable in your skin. To not be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and get a little dirty. To know that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. It is worth every sacrifice to get to where you want to be. Trust me. 

Put Your Mind To It, Go For It, Get Down And Break a Sweat

I can trace the beginning of the struggle with weight back to around 6th grade. My grandfather, with the intention of complimenting me, mentioned what a catch I'd be with my "birthing hips." Yup. Birthing hips.It's ok, you can laugh. I do now.Throughout middle school, I was always conscious that my body shape was curvier than other girls. Even though I was active in dance, I still didn't feel that I had the right shape.This continued through high school, and as a senior I finally succumbed to the pressures of my first crash diet.

Like most girls, once college came, I packed on what I had worked off. And then some... And then some... and by Junior year I was the heaviest I ever was. I found this out on a trip to Campus Health, were I was diagnosed with Mono. Which, as Romy and Michelle can attest, really is the best diet ever. I continued to yo-yo through my early 20s. Always losing and gaining the same 15-20 lbs. I had a number that I would reach as a warning sign... and each time I'd gain weight back, the "oh shit!!" number would get higher.

Two years ago I decided that I would get my act together. I had been laid off, so I had plenty of free time on my hands to work out and get healthy. I was in great shape, and once I got back into the swing of my new job, the comfort of a live in boyfriend (we are all familiar with "love weight"), and then the stress/depression of realizing that this new job was a nightmare, the weight crept back on. This time, I would take drastic measures to take that pesky weight off. In April of 2011, I did HCG. Yup, I woke up every morning and I stuck a needle in my stomach. I ate rabbit food with no dressings, oils, or fun. But, man did I drop that weight. :)

Surprise, the weight came back and brought some of his friends! That type of strict diet is nearly impossible to maintain. Add in a (new) high stress job with 60 hr weeks and lunches on the go, it is easy to quickly become a fatty. So I said goodbye to that job (with some guidance of my boss who told me the trial hire wasn't really working out) and I was depressed again at the idea of finding a new job. The motivation to work out wasn't there, and instead I focused on found love of the Ghost Whisperer. Once a new (and awesome) job was found, I tried to get back into the swing of things by doing what I had always done: setting weight loss goals based on events.

Goal one was for Halloween. A goal I had made numerous times before, so I could fit in with the other girls and be a slutty bunny, or a slutty mouse or a slutty nun, etc. I failed. Goal two was for New Year's. I failed.Goal three was for an upcoming trip to Vegas to see a friend's band perform... partial success. I was motivated by the fact that I was 5 lbs under the heaviest I have ever been in my life. So with moderate work outs, and a strict diet I dropped 10lbs, but couldn't get my act together for more.

I had become reclusive. I didn't want to go out because I didn't want people to see me.  When I was finally convinced I had to, there were three outfits I would rotate that I felt comfortable in. But then I was so insecure. I would try to sit to look skinnier. If people hadn't seen me for awhile, I wondered if they were thinking about how much weight I had gained. If people were meeting me for the first time, I wondered if they saw me as the fat girl.I would see girls and wonder if they were thinking "was she that fat when she met her boyfriend, or has she let herself go?" Cmon, you've wondered it about people before, I know I have. I'd dread seeing Facebook the days following an event, because there was sure to be an unflattering photo that I would rush to detag. And then eat my feelings in the form of nachos.

Rock bottom finally happened April 28. It was the day of the Warrior Dash, a muddy 5k that I had told my friends I would participate in, and I had every intention of using as my motivation to train and lose weight. Only I never signed up. And I never trained. When we found out that one of my friends was pregnant as wasn't able to participate, I jumped at the opportunity to use the excuse that someone had to be there with her as a spectator. The day of the run came, and I felt like a loser. People heavier than I was were chugging along. Couples were running through obstacles holding each other's hands. My friends and my boyfriend were feeling victorious. And I felt like an insecure, lazy piece of shit.

That's when I decided to really get my act together. When I decided that before I turned 30, I wanted to stop being the fat friend. I wanted to stop worrying about cropping photos, about posing the right way. I wanted to feel comfortable going out and spending time having fun, because that was the person I really was. The person that had been hidden by insecurity and blubber.

I broke my two weight loss goals up by events (old habits die hard). I wanted to lose 18 lbs by my cousin's wedding on June 9. And I wanted to lose another 12 by my trip to Vegas for my 30th birthday at the end of June. I was up at 530 am working out every day. I was eating right, eliminating processed crap and starches and taking care of myself. During this time, my 4.5 year relationship came to an end. Instead of using it as another excuse to give up, I pushed through. To be honest, the new physical and mental strength I had kept me going when I wanted to completely shut down. But I knew I couldn't give up; I didn't want to start another decade of my life not liking the physical person that I was.

I passed goal one by 6lbs, 3 days early. I was elated. For about 12 hours. The day after I found out I had dropped over 20lbs, I had one of my worst workouts because I woke up still feeling like I had so far to go. It was so hard to congratulate myself on everything I had worked for. As the days came closer to Vegas, I stayed off the scale. I had started to plateau, and I didn't want to discourage myself with the number not moving. I felt more confident. I felt stronger, and I looked better. My clothes fit better. I was able to spend time with my friends and be the fun loving person I really am. I was able to hang out at the pool without my cover up. And when my sister posted the photos to Facebook, I didn't make her crop every single one.

2 weeks later I was able to push through the plateau, and I am just a few pounds away from a number set I haven't seen in 5 years. Am I where I want to be yet? No, but I am working towards it. Taking care of myself is a priority, and the only person who can get me where I need to be is me. If you want something bad enough, you stop the excuses. You don't hit snooze. You don't say tomorrow. You get up and you get moving. Because no one else is going to do it for you. Unless, of course, you're a puppet with strings.

So, this November I am staying true to a new promise I made to my Warrior Dash friend. I AM GOING TO PARTICIPATE IN THE DIRTY GIRL 5K MUD RUN. Because by then, I'll be supermodel status. ;) 
I will continue to be on track with my healthy life, because I care enough about myself to never get back to that point. I will never go back to allowing how I felt about my physical person affect how my internal person behaved.

But now- I've got to get some cardio in. Thank you for indulging me.

tl;dr: I struggled with weight for 15 years until I reached rock bottom. I got my ass in shape (literally) because I didn't want to start a new decade hating what I saw in the mirror. If you feel that way- get up. Only you can do it.

Oh crap....

I have a blog.



I guess if I am ever going to realize my dream of being a snarky E!/VH-1 commentator are to ever come true, I better get back to it.

Idol Recap- The Lamest Finale Since Clay v Rueben

I thought the finale started at 8, like every other vote off episode this season, and I was wrong. So- I missed the first 33 minutes. Feel free to leave what I missed at the bottom. Unless you are one of those people that stopped watching the show, because my blogs are better. In that case, I am sorry for letting you down. Came in just in time to hear the ladies' Christina montage, and hear Christina a little rough through what seemed to be a song that hit her rather emotionally.

Now, the guys are doing a super cheesy 80's montage of Hall and Oates songs. They join them on stage. Mind you - Hall and Oates- great for their time. But we couldn't pull a bigger group for the finale? I guess this answers a few questions... one being: they ARE still alive. Did they perform a few years ago? Or was that on some vh-1 show? In case you wondered, "can I hear these horrible group performances AND watch the ridiculous choreography while drinking $9 sodas in a theater near me?!?!" Ryan gives you info on where to get tickets.

Driving home from watching my cute little cousins today, I was talking to the boyf. He said "I read your blog" (surprise, because he never does) "and you're kind of an asshole." We have been together for 2.5 years people. How is this news? He also started defending Crystal, saying that even though she is a hippie, she has a nice voice. Never really thought I would get the "you're too mean" lecture from him. Lately he has been saying that I am funnier without a job. Probably because now I can sleep through the night without having nightmares.

Jonelle Wheeler is reporting live from a sea of people in Ohio. Who is Jonelle Wheeler? (edit- just googled her. apparently a contestant this season)Oooh- Crystal's dad brought out the leather vest to match his sweet leather bike cap. She is singing "Ironic." And then she introduces Alanis. Another "is she alive?" question answered. And I rolled my eyes when Crystal said "when she go down with you to the theater." Not the line, and good for Alanis for not being the one to placate the man. For the record, I played THE SHIT out of Jagged Little Pill. My 8th grade heart really felt what she was going through, even though I hadn't even kissed a dude at that point. I was a late bloomer, so I had some angst.

Carrie Underwood says, "eff performing something cheesy with the finalists. I need my own song, thank you very much. See these Grammies?" Is that the plural for Grammy? Looks weird. She's a piece. Not piece of work, of ass. ;)

Kris Allen comes back to crown the finalists with their personally designed Ford cars. Lee looks excited, and Crystal gives a look like "I'm not giving up my Schwinn for this." Cue cheesy commercial.

Casey starts to sing "Every Rose Has It's Thorn," and is rocking it. And out comes Bret Michaels, who really should be on bed rest. Has he learned nothing? Is he like Gaga, and he will sleep when he's dead? Would he rather die onstage in front of his fans? She's nuts.

"Celebrity" spotting- Chilli.

Lee Dewyze is singing a Chicago (the band) medley, and it starts with the good stuff. Pre synthesizer. I judge people by which type of Chicago fan they are, "25 0r 6 to 4," or "You're the Inspiration." My preference is the former. And there it is... :) Envision me sitting on my couch rocking out.

Then some dude came in from Chicago, and I got my green beans from the microwave. Came back just in time for a flirty Simon montage. He's so dreamy.

Pants on the ground. Are we done with this yet? I bet he plays this song for his family at every gathering, and his grandchildren are mortified. WTH William Hung.

Paula seems pretty sober. Good for her. And she comes out from behind the curtain to perform. Ellen looks so great in white/ivory. Then Paula makes a really uncomfortable joke about leaving the show because she had Simon's baby. Then rambles.... maybe not as sober as I thought. Awkward. Yay, Simon montage. He's so dreamy.

Dear Kelly Clarkson- I love you. Dear Ruben- nice to see you're alive. Fantasia- you suck. Carrie, hearts. Jordin- You're cute. Taylor Hicks. Kris Allen- where is your album? There are seven.... who is missing? And then lots of runner ups and favorites in white. I guess JHudson, Daughtry and McPhee were busy?? But they got Guarini. From Justin to Kelly is an incredible film. I would look up the Idol that is missing.... but I would also find out tonight's winner if I did.
Boyf did it for me. What State Fair are you at this week, David Cook? Too busy?

Ugh. RUINING Janet's best song. And then she comes out out and is awesome. She's looking good. Singing into a mic AND a mouth piece? Is she planning on ripping off the dress and breaking into dance? I'm a genius. That is exactly what happens. That ass is fierce. Seriously, laser light show is unnecessary. Rocking it, Miss Jackson (cuz I'm nasty).

Montage from the beginning. Then singing "With a Little Help from My Friends"... and Joe Cocker is about to die on the stage. Either Lee's mic wasn't on, or he missed he part in this duet. Seriously. Someone call a doctor. I think Joe needs oxygen.

It's time. Some British guy brings out an envelope. I bet Ryan knows what is in it. Lee is nervous. Crystal wants to get high.... which she can go do, because she lost. Ha. I think that Lee will fit better into the Idol machine, to be honest. Crystal is gonna want to do things her way... and fight the power. Awww, Lee is so cute with his excitement. I'm glad we have a grateful winner. :) He's totally broken up. Cute.

Well, no more Idol blogs. Please leave suggestions for other shows to review below. Kthanxbai.

Idol- Just the Two of Us

When I think of the song, Just the Two of Us, I try to forget that horrible Will Smith version. Also- his kid sucks.

This is the last time Simon is judging, and I am sad. :( Not watching the show any more for sure.

Watching the show tonight with the littlest sister. We spent a lovely day watching Supernatural and sun tanning. I am eating a rice krispie treat with m and m's built in, because tomorrow starts my Biggest Loser competition with my mom. Enough yo-yoing. I am going to be hot. See, and now I have written it down, so I have to do it. Feel free to tweet me saying "hey fatty! did you stay away from nachos today?" OR you could be nice and tweet "you go girl!" Or, something more relevant to this time frame.

Speaking of Will Smith's no talent kid, there is the new Karate Kid commercial. Can Hollywood try and make over movies that suck? Like, give a re do on something that Pauly Shore effed up. Or Andy Dick. You catch my drift.

Lee's parents are cute. He is resinging "The Boxer," because the judges loved it. Why not pick a song you really effed up and make it better? Be a man, Lee. Randy said something but I don't care. Ellen loved. Kara babbled. Simon said it was a kiss on the cheeks when he wants a kiss on the lips. Not from him, obvi.

And of course The Dirty Hippie is singing Janis. I'm gonna time out until something relevant happens.


The Executive Producers sing the next round of song. Not just in the "you kids can choose from these" way, in the actually picking way. Lee has "Everybody Hurts." I was going to make a comment about how I needed to feel the hurt, and then he brought it. But he better have a ball busting song in the end, because this is slow and so was the other. The judges agree.

And The Dirty Hippie is singing "Black Velvet." She's gonna fuck it up. Her dress is ugly, and she looks tubby. She also can't walk in high heels. Were "songs from the 90's that shouldn't be covered" on sale this week?

And now the song he would release if Lee won is "Beautiful Day." Because I guess they realized that all the songs they write for the finals suck. But Lee did not show up for this song. It is really a lesser of two evils tonight. The judges rambled, and I looked at pictures of Jared Leto. Simon ends with saying that Lee is what the competition is about.

They go to commercial, and the judges are moving their cups off camera. Apparently Coke didn't pay enough this week. Crystal is singing "Up to the Mountain." She has an ugly floral scarf and a diamond necklace. And weird artsy earrings. This chick is such a fashion train wreck. At this point, I am usually secretly rooting for someone. Honestly, tomorrow I could not watch the show and my life would be no different. I am so disappointed in the piece of shit that American Idol has become. It's all because Ryan works too many jobs. The Hippie is crying, and sealing it up. "Hello!! Nationals!! Platter!!" Name that movie in the comments and you get my approval. That matters to some people. Simon looks pissed. How have I JUST noticed how ugly Randy's jacket is!?! Ellen geeks out over her. Kara geeks out too. Because if the emotion and the blossoming. The Hippie says something nice to Simon and says he's been great. He said it was the song of the night. And it was "outstanding." But I don't really think he believed it. She is so awkward. Did you know she is a mom?

I'm gonna stop blogging so I can read ONTD before Glee. This show sucked.

Idol Recap- Vote Off to 2

I'm blogging at the boyf's house tonight, and I told him who was going to go home as he handed me his laptop to type. He had a screen open that announced the final two, and I looked down to see if I was right. And I was.

So, blogging tonight is even more anti-climactic than normal. And I have to watch the first 9 minutes of the most boring Idol interviews in the history of the world. You know what I don't want to hear? Idols whining. And since when does Crystal have diabetes? Bring out the baby. Bring out the illness. All we need is a retard sister, and we are good. Oh, no, wait. That is Nicole Scherzinger's game. I don't care if I spelled her name correctly. I think she is a phony, and she is using her down syndromed sister to get votes. That is disgusting. Different show, but I need to blog about things that are more relevant to my interests, so whatever.

In case you were wondering, I AM 6 budlight limes and two Candian Club and iced teas in. So what?

These commercials are really out of hand. Apparently these idols are spray painting to show they are wild. And then Ryan pimps the concert again. Remember at this point of the competition when the concerts were all sold out? Yeah, not so much anymore.

Montage of home town scenes. Casey gets asked if he has a woman in his life. Only every night, and then he kicks her out before coffee. Wow, he got some Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders there. It IS the off season, and the veterans need some cardio to keep them active, so.... Apparently Casey got in an accident 6 years ago, and he is now choosing a time with cameras present to come back and say thank you. I guess that hospital has no turnover rate, and the same nurse that emptied his bed pan is still there. Eff this noise; this is so put on.

Just referenced the open link boyf had up again. Wow, this chick is not funny. But- she lives on the East Coast. Is that what I need to professionally blog about television? An East Coast time zone? Because, wow. Did I mention that this blogger is a ginger with glasses? Yes, I just pulled that card. I need to start vlogging, so VH-1 will put me on their snarky countdowns. I am WAY finnier than Jwoww, and can perform loosely scripted television a whole hell of a lot better. And I have a prettier face. That is what people tell pretty girls that have curves, in case you were wondering. ;)

And we get to talk to Perez Hilton now. In case you didn't know, this piece of shit blogger thinks he can be the next Simon Cowell. Has even offered to do it for free. I guess that his newest discovery (since HE discovered, Gaga) is Travis Garland, who is better than Timberlake. Which is why we have a tri-spilt screen for the first time in Idol history. He looks like your average frat boy. He has a leather vest with rousching in the back. I don't even know what he was singing about, because I couldn't understand it, and was too busy fuming about what an entire waste of time this season was.

Crystal in Ohio? Somehow I thought I she was Canadian. Did I make that up? Ugh, brush your hair, hippie. How are you tired? You didn't have to wake up early for hair and make up, so STFU. The mayor of Toledo had white washed jeans and a leather vest with a matching leather hat. What a stud. Oh, how clever. Her outdoor performance is called "bowerstock," like "woodstock." Vomit. She wrote a song called "Holy Toledo," and I doubt it is as good as "Cleveland Rocks." And she cries. And I roll my eyes.

Lee is in "Chicago," which really means the 75 miles surrounding Chicago. He throws out the first pitch for the Cubs, and I realize that we are not meant to be. Because only losers like the Cubs. It pisses me off when we see first grade teachers, because what first grade teacher really remembers a kid from 20 years ago? There are girls running around in neon shirts saying "vote lee," and they remind me of the "live girls direct" t-shirts in Vegas. Lee has the biggest crowd, and he totally cries, and so does his dad. Kinda sweet, because I feel like it is genuine with him.

It is 844, and Bieber isn't on yet. WTH?

Yessssssssss. So, in case you don't follow me on Twitter, I babysit my 3 and 6 YO cousins on MWF, and sometimes other days. They are precious, and sometimes we have Justin Bieber dance parties. He is so fricking cute with his lesbian haircut. And everyone who ever performs with him looks like they are having so much fun. That damn "Baby" song is so catchy. I miss the Ludacris part. When I was 13... I had my first love. A lot different from his "Fantasy" song.

Now we got down to the bottom two. At 854. Better than having the losers sit there the whole show. Randy has purple glasses today. First person in is Lee. Duh. His parents are cute. Joining Lee is Crystal, and she asks if that means if she is safe. Yes, hippie. Casey is "thankful for the opportunity," even though he checked out a few weeks ago. His mom or sister is in a really ugly tiered dress. He chooses to sing "Daughters," and mess it up even worse than he did last night. Like, reallllllly mess it up. Geez, dude. You still have the tour. Who is the little girl he picked up? Niece? Ellen is totally crying. That is sweet. I think she is really a good hearted person who feels a connection with these contestants. Good for her. Must be niece, because she could care less about being there, and quickly runs back to mom when the song is done.

In his final video package, Crystal mentions she has a crush on Casey. Which would explain the crying. And then Ryan hits puberty and squeeks through the end.

Does anyone cares who wins? Comment below.

Idol Recap- 3

Final three, and tonight we get to see their hometowns. yay. And, each contestant sings two songs, one they choose, and another from a judge. The judges are dressed quite casually, maybe saving it all for next week. Or maybe they are all over it.

Casey's first song is "OK, It's Alright With Me." He wins for longest song title of the night, I bet. I don't think I know this song. I think this is the first time there has been singing in the first 4 minutes in about 5 years. There is only room for one rocker, so Casey better hope that Lee blows it, because that is his only chance. Randy is not a fan. You can tell because he said "listen" more than once. Ellen tries to kill the pain with lots of rhyming. Kara said you should pick something the audience knows and make it your own. Simon calls the song "a salad, because there is something more substantial coming.... but you sounded good."

I was wondering why the Billy Madison weasel and Tom Hank's kid were in the audience. Then I saw the commercial for their new cop show.

Awkward Stool Time with Crystal. She is choosing to sing "Come to My Window," because it "is about passion and love and STUFF." Littlest sister (back from college) yells "don't fuck it up." She doesn't watch much, and would rather be watching the season finale of 90210. "Oh. She does the harmonica too. Of course." :) We don't need close ups of the meth teeth, thanks. It is always hard to judge her performances, because they are always how I thought they would be. But it doesn't mean that it is incredible. I stopped paying attention for a minute. And Simon brought me in when he said that she has never compromised who she is during the season. And then she gives some hippie love philosophy.

One of my readers has a birthday today. So, I would like to take this commercial break to say Happy Birthday to Amanda. :) When can we drink and be merry again?

Awkward Stool Time with Lee. Too bad he is so dull. And, he is going with Lynard Skynard "Simple Man." Good song, and one of my favorites, but I am not at all surprised by the choice. Randy yelled. Ellen said he went from a lamb to a gazelle. Kara totally steals Simon's schtick, and says "round one totally goes to Lee." I hope he calls her out a break. Because that's bullshit. Simon said he was on the money.

Took a nice little break to listen to Neon Trees, a band we discovered at the 30 Seconds to Mars show Sunday night. They are pretty rad, google them.

Casey is singing "Daughters," chosen by Randy and Kara. Ryan asks what Casey "HAS TO DO TO WIN," as if this were a football game, and it was as simple as rushing the quarterback. And to prove it isn't a sport, Kara says he needs to "show his vulnerable side." I don't know that he connected with this song at all. This may be the end of the line for mr. jones. Oh yeah, guitar solo. Why is his light always the cheesiest? I really think it affects his performance. Randy said it fit him like a glove, which it should have, because he picked it. Ellen loved it. Kara said it was vulnerable, and it was a great choice, and Simon laughed. Simon said it was a better choice, but it was a lazy arrangement, and those too should have given him a better vocal. Kara is dumb. She yelled that mellow is how the song is supposed to be, not understanding that Simon isn't saying that he should have changed the song, he said he should have been given a bigger song for a big moment.

I should have laid money on Ellen picking Crystal's song, because it is the least difficult job. "Maybe I'm Amazed," which is one of my favorite songs in the universe. Apparently I missed a dumb face when Kara didn't realize the camera was on her. By the way, why wasn't anyone at Crystal's AT&T commercial shoot? No instrument for Crystal. She stands like a pregnant dude. Yeah, wrap your head around that vision. Wow, yelly mcyellerson. Oh yeah, she's Canadian. Isn't this AMERICAN Idol? (sister laughs)

Lee apparently doesn't have to read his message in from to AT&T. I guess they didn't pay enough for all three. Simon mentions that we have heard this song before, but not how Lee is gonna sing it. "Hallelujah." I don't particularly care for this song. Of COURSE there is a choir. But Simon made sure to keep them low and unobtrusive. Hope you had fun Casey, because your ride ends tomorrow. Probably better for him, so he can have more freedom. Simon looks at Kara like, "THIS is how you do it." The crows goes wild, and is on their feet. Randy loves it. Ellen called it "stunning." Kara says that "he is what the show is all about." I hate how dramatically she approaches the microphone, and then backs off after speaking as if she just announced the cure to cancer. Simon is awesome. And tonight officially decided that I will not watch a single episode when he is gone. Because the rest of these assholes can't do what he does.

Idol Recap- The Longest Hour of My Life

I only listened to the first 11 minutes, because fajitas are more important to me than Jamie Foxx. In case you are new to my blog- I can't stand him. So I just won't talk about him unless it is a good joke.

Boyfriend saw Taye Diggs in the audience, and as I am slinging onions I ask if Idina Menzel was with him. "Is there a white girl with dark hair and a big nose sitting with him." He says "I think so." So, anybody?

Lee sings "Kiss From a Rose," which someone sings every year. And it sucked. There, caught up.

Awkward Stool Time with Big Mike. It appears as though we have just woken him up from a slumber. He sings "Will You Be There" which is a Michael Jackson song from some movie that probably sucked. Jaime offered him the "contestant" shirt, because that practice performance was not enough "artist" for him. Oh Lord, do we really need a gospel choir on the stairs? Haven't we played this out? I'm gonna get more fajitas. Ellen reminds us all that this is from Free Willy. i remember seeing it in the theater, and wondering why the girl had so many bathing suits. I've always been practical. Simon asks what Free Willy is about, and wonders what it has to do with the song. And Kara, queen of the "sing the lyrics and understand the meaning" says "it's just a song." Sell out.

Lee and Crystal do this duo that I swear someone did last year. But, I looked back to my blogs and learned that I need to do a better job at tagging. Not like anyone cares that someone sang this at some point, but whatever. The judges geeked out over it, and I think it was annoying. Probably because I am still really pissed that everyone is so boring this season.

I really hate it when the mentors tell the contestants to "seduce them." This isn't as lame as that time the ALW told someone to pretend he was singing a love song to a little girl. I would link it, but as mentioned a few minutes ago, I do a really shitty job of tagging my blogs. Casey doesn't surprise us for a moment, and does "Mrs. Robinson."Randy makes a big joke about the song being about an older woman seducing a younger man. Somebody have a stick? We have a dead horse over here to beat. It sucked.

Crystal is singing the "classic song from Caddyshack," and if she fucks up Kenny Loggins that bitch is going through a wall. She was fine.

Casey and Mike did that annoying song from Don Juan De Marco. I wasn't paying attention, because my gmail account was hacked, and I was letting everyone know that I was hacked. You know, because potential employers really like to be sent links to Canadian Health care. Fuck.

Idol Recap- Somebody Swims With the Fishes

These cheesy lip synched openings are awful. The only thing that is worse are these stupid commercials. You can just ignore the first 11 minutes.

What a nice little package to show what Tuesdays are like for the contestants both before the show, and now that they are celebrities. Crystals baby is weird looking. Funny that they have fake judges for the rehearsal. I want that job. Are they hiring? I can do a really good Kara impression.

Big Mike is totally chill, Crystal too. WHY DO WE TRY TO TALK TO THEM TONIGHT?? WHY NOT JUST CUT THIS SHOW TO HALF AN HOUR?!?!? Lee is safe, duh. And we go to commercial.

Tonight's performance is Gaga. Seacrest says she is singing "Alejandro," which to me sounds like a song from Ace of Base. Bitch is crazy, but her body is banging. Her dancers are wearing weird50's style bathing suit bottom things. It is a weird mix of singing live and lip synching. The weird Jesus Angel on stage makes me uncomfortable.

Thank you Harry Connick for making this episode bearable. I want to hang out with him. A lovely montage of all his little jokes. Including telling Mike to stop talking about the baby, telling Aaron to stop with the smile, and having a staring contest with Lee. What a catch. So- where do I buy this album legally? He makes me feel all warm and mushy.

Top 5 sing Harry songs!!! :) They should put some Christmas songs in this mix. :D Aaron just blends into the stage. It's time to go, kiddo. Big Mike is singing sex. That is the only way to describe it. Then Harry tells a story about how he sang for Sinatra, messed up the words, and Sinatra kissed Harry's wife (then gf). Ha.

Oh yeah, this is a results show. Don't worry about letting the band take a seat. They can just hang out on the stage. Crystal is sent by the piano. Big Mike stands on the opposite side. Aaron joins Big Mike. Casey obviously joins Crystal. Ryan asks Lee to choose who is the bottom two, and Lee goes #2. Mike and Aaron are bottom two. Mikey there again. Bet the judges are real glad they saved him.

There is justice in the world, and Aaron Kellly goes home about three weeks later than he should have. Hope you enjoy your prom, buddy. I'm sure you won't have a problem getting a date.