Just the Tip- Invites and RSVPS

Another new feature... Just the Tip Tuesdays, where I offer honest advice that doesn't beat around the bush. Today's topic- Invites and RSVPs.

It's that time of year where schedules fill up like nobodies business. There are more things to do than there is time in the day- and you can't be everywhere at once. So, I will take this opportunity to give some tips on invites and rsvps for this busy season.

If you are inviting someone:

-Don't be the jerk that says "What are you doing ____ night?" When people are already over booked, it is tough to give an answer. Perhaps they would rather watch the latest episode of Melrose Place(don't judge) than go to some (slightly pyramid schemey) jewelry party. THERE, I SAID IT. Friends often feel obligated to say yes to you, so leading in with the date, instead of the activity just isn't fair. And neither is making them buy stuff so that you get a kick back. ;)

-Give them info that is pertinent. An invite isn't just time and location. In fact, to avoid confusion and stress on your part the day of- be really clear with directions. Just because google maps exists doesn't mean it will get them to your party easy-peasy. Also- dress code/type of gathering/what to bring is always helpful. And, speaking as a girl that was single for a realllly long time... give your single friends a heads up if it will be couple land. It's just awkward.

-Be clear of your expectations. As we have seen on Real Housewives of (insert trendy city here), many a fight has been caused by late guests. So, if you have a specific start time in mind- like a dinner party type thing- let them know. If it is breezy, and people can come and stop in after one of their other 700 obligations that evening- let them know its casual (and mean it).

-Follow up politely. Maybe they saw the invite, and are trying to chose between you and something else. If you are the jerk that says "are you coming or not?!" you end up making their decision pretty easy. People don't always mean to be rude. Sometimes they just forget to do the follow up, or have to check with someone else before they can commit. So, cut them some slack and give a gentle reminder.

If you are RSVPing:

- Respond. That is what the "R" means. The rest means please. Those darn french and all their words. I know we all get busy, and that is why evite has those lovely reminders. It is fine to figure out for sure if you can attend, but if you KNOW you can't- say no early. It is much better to know that you have a smaller crowd early than to be disappointed the day of. Drop your balls and say you can't make it, don't make excuses the day after.

-If you mess up on the RSVP, say you're sorry. I don't check my mail very often, and consequently- I frequently get invites AFTER the suggested RSVP date. So- when it happened for my aunt's wedding- I sent her a facebook message with the title of "I'm an asshole." Pointing out that you messed up is better than letting people think you don't care.

-Show up if you say you're gonna. Someone took the time to coordinate, plan and provide food and fanfare based on the idea that you are coming. It takes time, effort and money. So get there.

-Follow the rules. If the invite says "rsvp with what dish you are bringing," putting "surprise" is not the answer. If it says dinner begins "promptly at seven," get there before that. Or, maybe you don't get invited next time. Unless you're family, and you HAVE to be invited. Just know somebody there is talking about you, and it might not be nice. ;)


Long story short: everybody is busy, so be polite and help each other out by communicating. Now, go have fun responding to all those holiday party invites. Here's hoping you have enough variety to be able to say no to the really lame work thing that you feel obligated to attend.